4: Robby Scribbles' Blog da Blogger

Watz poppin' beautiful pple of blogsville, It's Robby Scribbles here again and before we get down to business I'd just like to say something real quick. I think A woman's life is divided into three very simple phases based on her age. There's the first phase when she prefers to add digits too her age, the second phase when she thinks she's just right and there's no need to worry and the last phase where she starts to take numbers out. A 12 year old will probably tell you she's 16, a 21 year old thinks the digiits are in order and a 43 year old will tell her d cute guy at the bar that she's 32. Now let's bring today's guest out. You may remember him from posts like Tears of the Moon, Still Cave men and Only in 9ja. We went to Uni together and were in the same course as well, he's like a brother to me but still a friggin morrasucker. Ladies and Gentlemen put ur clicks together for P'sy-A-wana!!!!!

(applause)(Artquake's "Alanta")

P'sy-A-wana: GUYYYY!!! I dey feel dat song dieeee!!! ~OPEN UR ARMS LIKE SAY U WAN FLY AWAYYYYY, JUPA JU SE SIBI, JE KAJO MA SERE ~

Robby Scribbles: ~ALANTA ALANTA ALANTA, ONE LEG UP.....~

P'sy-A-wana: ~ALANTA ALANTA ALANTA, TWO LEGS UP...~

Robby Scribbles: But how dem want make we raise two legs up abeg?

P'sy-A-wana: Guy why u dey dull? na to lie down 4 floor raise leg go roof na

Robby Scribbles: LOL! Bloody tout! Sit down Jo make I ask you question...no break my chair oh, dis one wey u don dey add weight so!

P'sy-A-wana: U get mouth to dey talk anyhow na, u r a big boy now , u get ur own blog, ur own posts and even your own show...U know sey I sabi u back in d day, back wen we dey beg ATM for money

Robby Scribbles: There are plenty stupid pple inside you! Who dey beg ATM for money Oloshi...it was a joke lol! You have a blog as well don't you, why u kon dey make many noise

P'sy-A-wana: Guy What I don't understand is why many many chicks dey read ur stuff, na wetin motivate me to start blog sef but the chicks seem to be ignoring a broda u know

Robby Scribbles: Why u dey ask me dat kin question?...infact why are you asking any question at all? You are here to answer questions Oga! And please can we stick to normal, correct english please

P'sy-A-wana: Why Scribbles my good man, isn't it indubitable that I am capable of conversing in wholesome English? I was merely trying to reecreate our moments as members of tertiary education structure...why u dey dull?

Robby Scribbles:......Tout!

P'sy-A-wana: Mugu!!!

Robby Scribbles:What are you up to these days oga? We've been out of skool for almost a year so that gives you approximately 360 days of womanizing and panty chasing

P'sy-A-wana: Well, I've been working at this bank sha but e no dey pay well, Ironic isn't it? A bank not paying well! Anyway, I work hard and play harder as always. I suppose reach one fiiine babe house like that today sef but this one wey i dey waste my time wiv you that one don bust na. If you see that babe you go slap urself, she fine sote wen I first see am I grow afro on d spot

Robby Scribbles: U must be mad, na so u dey always talk, na so u dey always tell us for skool sey u dey meet one one fine girl like dat but wenever we see d girl she no dey ever fine, sometimes sef we no dey meet the girl cos there was no girl to begin wiv. You remember TT?, shey u remember her shey? you told us that she wud make all of us dump our girlfriends and consider polyandry...but when we saw her wetin happen...wetin happen I dey ask you?

P'sy-A-wana: Guy u don dull again o! She just had an accident jo...that's the only explanation for how she looked that day

Robby Scribbles: Ofcourse she had an accident...she had one wen she woke up, another one after she took a bath, one right after dressing up, two more while putting on make-up and one final fatal one wen we meet her face-to-face...If I see that girl in public I will call d police for her I swear!!

P'sy-A-wana: Guy no dey enter d babe like dat...beauty is only skin deep you know

Robby Scribbles:I know it's only skin deep...but her skin must be like 100ft deep to hide that beauty mehn! Ladies and Gentlemen we will be right back after a word from our sponsors

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************************************************************************************* Robby Scribbles:We're back again wiv our guest P'sy-A-wana, Dude u see the way this world is going, in my day raising a child was done wiv a real Mother nad her very real cane, these days we've got gadgets for everythings haven't we? Soon we won't be able to procreate wivout a PIN number.

P'sy-A-wana: I feel you on that you know, but I'm not complaining dude, the more gadgets we have the less I have to do. I can't really be bothered you know

Robby Scribbles: So we've heard about your shitty job and ur imaginery chick, tells us about ur plans for the future.

P'sy-A-wana:I've got it all figured out my broda. It's like Tony Montana said "First you get the money, then you get the power and then you get the women"...women being the ultimate goal for me. Infact if I get the women first Money and power can take a hike cos nothing wud matter anymore, I'd care for her and give her all my attention.

Robby Scribbles: Ladies in the audience there's something I want you to learn, it's one of the subtle signs of a typical playa or knucklehead. If a guy romanticises about a chick who doesn't exist yet and who's idea of a relationship is like an advert for a single sucker then he is either a playa, a sap...or P'sy-A-wana

P'sy-A-wana: Guy I no like as you dey disrespect me for here oh...shey u no sey I get some pics of you, pics of you b4 u come obodo oyibo dey form posh and fly, pics of u b4 u blow, pics of you back in d days of hustling...

Robby Scribbles:Hustle'fire!! Guy I don't respond well to threats u know? me sef get pics na,! infact I go show one now...
P'sy-A-wana: AHHHHH!!! Guy I remember that exam...U lucky sey u comot the faces, if not fight for don occur here...u remember "one-two-kiss-canvas"?

Robby Scribbles: Why do u like to remind me of those things ehn, u sha like to dey talk many many pari popo. Anyway before we go is there anything else you'd like to tell our readers online

P'sy-A-wana: Yes indeed! Ladies, as you can see 4rm the picture I am a well to do broda who's on his way to the big time...but I am single...Holla at ur boy! Much love.

Robby Scribbles: Dude it was nice seeing you again even though u r still a useless pant! As ur guy I wish you the best and also a relationship that last more than the life span of a loaf of bread. Ladies and Gentlemen P'sy-A-wana!!!!!!

Thanks for joining us again Ladies and Gentlemen, next time we will have another blogger on the show wiv us, we have decided to air the show a little later than usual for this guest cos we are hoping ur kids will be asleep by then...Till next time this is Robby Scribbles saying "if you think Karma isn't a bitch then ask O.J. Simpson"

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3: Robby Scribbles' Blog da Blogger

Ladies and Gentlemen whatagwaaaaaaan! Sorry, I've been hanging around some Jamo boys lately and that's all they say to me. Happy Monday pple, even though I'm yet to find someone who appreciates the start of a new week I still feel the need to invoke elation before mentioning "Monday". We have another blogger as a guest today and for some reason anytime I visit her blog I have a sudden craving for pastries. You may remember her from posts such as Heartbreaker, I have principles and Ego, put ur clicks together for the one and only Rene!!!
(applause)*(intro: Baby Bash's "Keeper")

Robby Scribbles: Nice to have you on the show Rene...are those for me?

Rene: Yes they are, I baked them myself and I made alot so you could choose, I made Rich Belgian cupcakes with chocolate butter cream, Light blueberry cupcakes with vanilla butter cream and I think there' a White Chocolate chip & Raspberry cupcake with Vanilla butter cream and...

Robby Scribbles: Marry me!!!

Rene: LOL! I'm sorry Scribbles I'm not that easy, a girl needs to be wooed first you know

Robby Scribbles: Well You can't blame me for trying can you? I always ask my guests to tell us a lil about themselves so tell us please...Who is Rene?

Rene: Well I'm complicated let me put it that way, first of all I think I have multiple personalities, I think the way I react in different situations makes it hard for people and sometimes me-to draw a conclusion about my character and who I really am. I'm so friggin random sometimes that it's hard to keep up nd that usually pisses guyz off...plus I'm a cynical by default so guyz either get tired of hitting on me or loose their minds trying to.

Robby Scribbles: Multiple personalities isn't always an asset you know...sometimes it's associated with lunacy...are u crazy?

Rene: lol! Ofcourse not, wat's wrong wiv you? I don't mean "multiple personalities" like today I'm Rene and tomorrow I'm Shaka Zulu. What I mean is I am complex enough to make impatient pple think I'm more than one person, it's a combination of different things really and the way I feel in and react in different sceanrios is what makes me complex...you get me?

Robby Scribbles: The same way Soulja boy gets Astrophysics...speaking of Astrophysics I'm guessing ur an A student right?

Rene: Yes I am Scribbles...it's a tough job but someone has to do it...

Robby Scribbles: I guessed as much, u have dare I say it-the swagger of an intellectual. I've noticed most of the women in blogsville are 'A' students...In my day you'd have to visit a bookstore to meet a smart chick, I guess technology is replacing that lol. We'll be right back Ladies and Gentlemen after a few words from our sponsors.

*************************************************************************************
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**************************************************************************************

Robby Scribbles: Just a random questiuon Rene, if we were to take a quick tour of your browser history what we we find on a normal day?

Rene: Nothing out of the ordinary, you'd proplay find links to blogs, youtube videos and all that...nothing unusual

Robby Scribbles: Well I'm just asking cos we managed to get Misty to give us a quick run-through of your browser history and we were surprised when we.......

Rene: ....Nooooo!! WTF!!! WTF Scribbles...you've got no right to do that, how dare you...

Robby Scribbles: Well we tried calling you to tell you but we kept getting ur voicemail and we'd already put the Engineer in a cab...Mr. Engineer do you have the records ready

Rene: NOOOOO!!! I'm so gonna kill Misty, Robby Scribbles I will sue the life out of you then then Sue you back to life only to sue you again...U better check urself...

Robby Scribbles: HAHAHA! Calm down calm down...take deep short breaths and relax. Are you hyperventilating? We're just effing wiv you, we're not really gonna show all of blogsville ur browser history...we're not that insensitive...but seeing ur reaction just makes me wonder wat could be so confidential *wink*...Is that a vein I see on ur forehead...oh we got you rattled didn't we?

Rene: Maybe...Not really. It's not like I'm hiding anything...I just don't want strangers going through my computer cos I've got sensitive detail there.

Robby Scribbles: *wink* Yeah "reeeal" sensitive right? By the way people, some of you already know about Rene's advertised vacancy but for those of you who haven't heard here's the gist...She's single, looking for a summer "thang", no strings attached and if you are interested send your applications to sugarplumrene@gmail.com

(Man runs towards Rene 4rm the audience but is tackled to the ground by Scriibles and security escort him out)

Robby Scribbles: No need to thank me...somehow you've managed to turn my show into a recruitment drive for you summer 'thang' Rene. It was nice having you on the show and I hope you find ur summer "thang" soon. Ladies and Gentlemen
Rene!!!

(applause)

Rene:....It's been a pleasure...I think.

Robby Scribbles: Before we go Ladies and Gentlemen the identity of the man who ran out of the audience has been confirmed...it is P'sy-A-wana....apparently he wasn't afet Rene...he wanted the cupcakes!! Join us again next time as we have our first male guest on the show, I just hope we can find a chair big enough for him. This is Robby Scribbles saying "I just saw my 2 yr old cousin dancing "Alanta" lol

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Robby Scribbles' Blog Da Blogger

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the show once again. Before I bring out my guest tonight I'd just like to make a lil' announcement. I am taking a vow of celibacy for three months in an effort to curb my flirtacious blogging habits lol. During this period I will restrain myself from blog and cyber philandering because my significant blogger is going away on holiday and I have promised to behave myself while she is away. However, I will not be held liable for my actions or reactions if I am approached wiv comments or emails of ambiguous and invitingly lucrative nature. I will also not be held responsible if my seemingly innocent comments are misconstrued to habour ulterior motive. Now let's bring out our guest for today's post....

She's one blogsville's finest and lengthy bloggers and her posts will keep you scrolling till ur mouse develops Athritis, you may remember her from posts like I AM NOT A PRUDE!!! and Mon etranger. Ladies and Gentlemen put ur clicks together for Leggy!!!!

(Applause) (Solja boy's "Kiss me thru the Phone")

Robby Scribbles: So nice to have you on the post Leggy, may I just say u look ravishing tonight. Grandma what long legs you have, may I call you Leg for short?

Leggy: Bia, O muwa ki choro e'kpo leg? O gini' n'eme gi n'isi biko, e cho ka chineke kpo gi oko?

Robby Scribbles: Emmm pardon me Leggy but some of our audience may not be able to understand you, can you speak english please

Leggy: Mba, A bum onye igbo, o soso Igbo kam ga su,

Robby Scribbles: Ladies and Gentlemen we 'd like to apologise for the inconvenience but those of you who may not be able o understand our guest are advised to read the subtitles. Sorry once again. Now Leggy, tell us abit about urself, what are ur hobbies

<<Well I'm like really smart, like really really smart...I like to write, I read alot, I like hanging out wiv friends and just having good clean fun ...My friends say I like to make guys trip 4 me and then crush their hearts into a bloody pulp redering them incapable of feeling sentiment or emotions for anyone else but I think they're just goofing around...did I mention that I'm really smart? coz I am>>

Robby Scribbles: Yes u did mention it...*friggin Einstein for all I care*...Sooo, Crushing hearts you say, sounds like you got lots of men trying to get wiv you. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being a very sub-par effort at hitting on you and 10 being a psycho's attempt, how motivated has a guy ever been to get with you?

<<I'd say 8...8.2745 to be exact...oh he was a persistent one! I think I had to tazer him before he got the message that I didn't want to talk to him...then there was the whole incident with the police later on cos apparently he was a freshman and just wanted directions to the school library but you never know right? it's not like stalkers walk around wiv a "psycho" written on their foreheads>>

Robby Scribbles: That is hilarious, you actually tazered a freshman cos you thot he was coming on to you? Dat's a bit harsh isn't it? maybe even paranoid

<<So what you saying Scribbles? You saying I'm crazy? that I'm not hot enuf for a freshman take a look at these legs mahn! I call dem my columns of chaos cos once these babies are on show calamity ensues mahn, wen these bad babies hit dem skinny shorts men hit the ground cos I'm like a terrorist, I'm friggin Al qaeda wiv these legs mehn!>>

Robby Scribbles: LOL! Ladies and Gentlemen we'll be back to ask Leggy about her plans for the future and her love life right after a few words from our sponsors.

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Robby Scribbles: Welcome back everyone, we're still here with Leggy and Leggy u were telling me during the break how u haven't been in a real concrete relationship before. Are you single and searching or Single and satisfied?

<< I think I'm a bit of both Scribbles, I'm single that's confirmed and I'm searching cos I actually want to have someone who cares for me in a special way. On the other hand, I'm satisfied as well cos men can be such jerks, you guyz seem to enjoy inventing new sick ways to hurt us and I'm just not ready to be in a real relationship until all d variables have been considered and the results show that I won't be forced into homicide at some point in the relationship>>

Robby Scribbles: Well I'm sure there's someone *wink* special *wink**wink* who'll be qualified enuf *wink* to demolish all variables and pass ur lil test *wink**wink*

<<Are you alright Scribbles? ur blinking alot is everything okay?>>


Robby Scribbles: *claim to be smart..NOT!" I'm alright never mind. We're runnin out of time but before we go tell us what you look for in a man, what are the things your ideal guy shud have before trying to conquer the mighty tazering Leggy?

<<Well under this towering edifice is just a simple girl with simple needs, I'd like a funny, witty, intelligetnt, sensitive, caring guy who's ready to take charge wen needed but also humble enuf to step aside wen required. Responsible, spontaneous, respectful and appreciative as well...I guess that's it really>>

Robby Scribbles: Well that's a description of an average guy, I think I know someone who'll be perfect for you, his name is Clark Kent and he lives in Smallville...mscheeewww!! Ladies and Gentlemen give a round of clicks for our guest Leggy!! (Applause) It was awesome having you on the show and I wish you luck on your next trip to Krypton in search of ur ideal man.

<<It was a wonderful to be here Scribbles, by the way I was just wondering, if I buy a dozen RAZZ-BE-GONEs do I get a discount and how many Kobokos do I get?>>


Robby Scribbles: mscheeew!!! Ladies and Gentlemen join us next time on the post wen we'll be with another important blogger in blogsville who seems to have a thing for pastries. I know y'all are wondering why we seem to be having only female guests on the show, Una dey mad! The show neva reach 5 episodes and u r jumping d queue already! I can assure that there will be guyz on the show....after I fill up my phonebook. This Is Robby Scribbles saying "Take care of yourself and each other...cos the Aliens are coming" Goodnight!!

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Robby Scribbles' Blog the Blogger

Yes OO! 3 Gbosa for The Royal Scribbles please...GBOSA GBOSA GBOSA!!! It's the 50th post pple and it's either I have too much time on my hands or I love una too much to keep quiet lol. To mark this prestiguos event and as announced in the previous post we're kicking of Robby Scribbles' Blog da Blogger. It's quiet simple really, I'll be having "FICTIONAL" interviews with the bloggers who spend their time reading "The Royal Scribbles". I'm hoping you guyz like it and it's entertaing enuf to get you guyz interested and our ratings/comments soaring lol, I tried to think of a way to order the guests but i'll do it the way I've always done things here...Randomly.

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and girlz welcome our first guest ever on the show, She'll be heading to the motherland for some time so we decided to invite her here first, you may remember her from posts such as Links ,hook-ups ,jump-offs ,flings etc and Rape within marriage...Give a warm round of clicks for juiceegal!!!!

Robby Scribbles: It's so nice to have you on the post, how do feel being our first guest ever Juiceegal

Juiceegal: It's nice to be here Scribbles and I'm really excited, thanks for having me

Robby Scribbles: So Juiceegal is it? that's a really fruity name, do u have a thing for fruits or is like fetish or high skool nickname or something?

Juiceegal: It's not a fetish for sure, nd it's not really cos of fruits cos u know juices don't come from just fruits, it cud be vegetable juice u know, like a carrot or Tomatoe or something although science has proven that Tomatoes are actually fruits but u get the gist right? I just took words I thot were sexy and true nd put them together to describe myself.

Robby Scribbles:...Wow...that's alot of words. Tell me a lil' bit about urself Juiceegal, do u always talk this much

Juiceegal: Nooo I don't, My bad, I'm just excited that's all, there's really nothing to tell, I'm an average, confident, sexy, outgoing intelligent chick, I love writting and I love meeting new people. That's it really. Oh I'm a lawyer as well..how did I skip that lol? U know Scribbles, you look much taller in person?

Robby Scribbles:Thank you my dear, I'm 6ft+ of Igbo manliness aren't I? Is that all you've noticed?

Juiceegal: Well u r kinda cute but that's all I'm saying for now

Robby Scribbles: What do u think about me getting Head

Juiceegal:I beg ur pardon...what did u just say? I'll have you know Scribbles I come from a very respectable home and innuendoes like dat won't fly wiv me I tell you! It is this what this show is about? You get pple to come here and....

Robby Scribbles:...Nooo that's not what I meant! you see my little cousin's got a birthday coming up and I'm thinking of getting him a bag for skool but I can't seem to figure out which one to get 4rm dis friggin Argos magazine, I'm stuck between this Adidas bag and this Head bag...I wud never flirt wiv you on international blogvision...that's why we have a MySpace my dear!!!

Juiceegal: Ohhh My I'm so sorry...I feel a tad bit embarrased....I think you shud take the Head bag, it's looks bigger and spacious and looks like it cud hold alot of books

Robby Scribbles: That's a very good suggestion...good and ambioguos lol. What are you up to now Juiceegal?

Juiceegal: U know I'm taking a lil trip as well. I'm going to Nigeria for three months...going to get my freak on motherland style u know

Robby Scribbles: Yes I read ur comment on the Sir Scribbles blog before the post. Is there someone special waiting for you there perhaps?

Juiceegal: I hope so! I'd hate to go back to Nigeria and find out he's been sleeping around and has a hooker for a jump off cos that wud just be mean and hurtful and I'd probably have to castrate him cos he'd have broken my heart and all dat but I'd do it slowly and painfully so he'd know he done a naughty thing but I trust him though and I'm sure he won't want to get dismembered

Robby Scribbles: All I heard was hooker and castrate...He's a very lucky man!! Sidestepping to another topic, How do u think the youths in the UK comapre wiv the youths in Nigeria.

Juiceegal: Youths in the UK? are you trying to get me killed, u want me to be on BBC right "SEXY BLACK WOMAN STABBED AT THE AIRPORT BY YOUTHS" You want to know wat I think? I think if you take away the Knife crime and the gang violence and the underage sex and the drugs and alchohol they are actually very friendly people and enlightened as well. We've got different cultures so I wudn't say one is better than the other...all I can say is if they'd let parents lay a lil' smacking wivout Child welfare harrassing them the youths can be even more perfect than they already are.

Robby Scribbles: Those are true words my dear friend, so we wish you a safe trip to Nigeria and why don't you bring me back something? Like Kilishi or Kunu, I'd absolutely love you if you cud get me any of the two...or the both of them if your feeling generous...I mean I did make you the first ever guest on our show u know?

Juiceegal: I hope I remember Scribbles cos I'm planning on having so much fun, Kilishi and Kunu you said...here's my number just in case you feel like reminding me.

Robby Scribbles: Oh! your number! that's...interesting...and nice, very nice! I'll be sure to give you a booty call SORRY Phone call later lol. Well that's all we have time for today, it was a pleasure having you on the post Juiceegal and we wish you all d breast PARDON best! Ladies and Gentlemen put ur clicks together for Juiceegal!!!!

Next time on Robby Scribbles' Blog Da Blogger, Robby talks to one of the many commitment-phobic bloggers of blogsville...and my has she got long legs!!!

Please pardon us for the balck and gray colouration on the texts, our Engineers are working on rectifying the problem! Thank you

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