Uncles in the building....

I haven't told you guyz about the numerous Uncles I have in London have I? No I don't think so. Well I have a variety of official and unofficial Uncles in london. Name it I have it, d devoted family man and the cold-blooded Don Juan, The Rich tycoon and the Supermarket Security guard,The sanctimonious hoax and the non chalant miscreant, every every dey my house. I told you guyz that I use to help one of my friends (whose actually an Uncle) out in his club b4 d whole thing dabaru. Well dis story revolves around dat club...try to keep up abeg

Uncle BB was opening a club at Aldgate east and he just wanted to hook his nephew up wiv one of the few jobs where you can combine business and pleasure wivout worrying about a lawsuit lol. Uncle E, who I live wiv, decided he'd come along wiv me to the opening night of the club just to check the place out wiv me and give me his approval. Uncle ED told Uncle KY about the opening and Uncle KY decided to tag along cos Uncle BB said he'd allow us to go in free and we'd get free drinks cos we were family (didn't reall matter to me cos coke nd Redbull don't cost much). Uncle KY and ED mentioned the opening night to Uncle NA who's wife didn't like the idea of her husband going to a club but she caved in after d others promised he'd behave himself. Now Uncle ED, KY and NA were all coming to Uncle BB's club opening wiv me.

It's friday night and I'm getting ready to leave wiv Uncle ED wen he gets a call and after the usual male grunting nd hollaring he tells me that Uncle HD and RM will be joing us at the club. I tire 4 Igbo men oh, once dem hear free entry and drinks dem go line up like sey na Visa dem dey share. We stop at Uncle NA's place and we take his car, pick up Uncle KY and set out for the club. On d way he's telling us about some dude who got caught watching porn nd jacking off in their office and was fired, Uncle ED replied saying the women at his office must look like really ugly if men had to start bringing porn to work. Unlce NA is a semi-lunatic and as he was driving we approached a very long stretch of road and he decided to give his speedometer cramps. Like I said, he's a lunatic and the only thing that made him stop was Uncle KY threatening to call his wife if he continued being a bad boy lol. We arrive at the club and Uncles RM and HD were waiting for us so we all went in together....I hope I haven't lost you all wiv all these initials cos it's essential I keep them anonymous...those men will kill me if they find out I am snitching.

Uncle BB's club wasn't that bad, I scoped the place out and it was pretty decent sha, a few hours later I was standing in a corner bobbing my head to Keri Hilson and T-pain's "Turning me on" and surveying the dancefloor wen I notice something very odd, they're all older than me, male, female, every single person in the club looked older than me. I suddenlyt felt out of place for a while, then I glanced over to Uncle ED and he's just sitting there drinking and behaving himself, Uncle NA was dancing alone doing wat looked like a semi harlem shake, he saw me staring at him and suggested I come and join him...as if I'm going to dance wiv my 40something year old Uncle. Uncle RM offers me something I normally wudn't drink...I don't think he understands why I said No lol. HD was at the bar talking to Uncle BB, probably asking if he cud get free entry every friday...bloody cheapskate lol. One person was missing though, I looked around for Uncle KY, he was nowhere to be found, not at the bar...or on the dancefloor...nowhere. My phone rang, it was her, I went outside to take d call nd as I reached the entrance I glanced into a lil cubicle on my right nd there was Uncle KY...wiv a companion...doing some touchy touchy...I stared at them curiously amused and then went to take d call...VIP get levels!

So I'm on d phone outside wen someone taps me on the shoulder, I turn around and Uncle KY walks past me using one hand to signal he's going home and the other to firmly grasp the waist of his companion...there's no doubt his hands will be doing more work that night. Uncle KY had just hooked up b4 my very eyes, I will so blackmail his ass ehn..let him come to the house nd talk to me about facing my books nd leaving girls alone again...haven't seen him since that day sha. At the end of the night Uncle RM and Hd were drunk like flies in a beer can. Uncle BB drove them home and we got dropped off by Uncle NA who didn't faill to give us a thrilling speech about all the booty you miss wen you get married...nd I he falls into the Devouted Husband category I shit you not.