C/O Angel Gabe

Sir Robby Scribbles II
Obodo Oyibo
09 August 2009

Dear Baba God,

I would like to thank you for providing all the amenities necessary for me, Chalene, 18, and Colly ,15, to live comfortably and proudly in this Godforsken, recession stricken, subtly rascist, meteorically cursed country. I appreciate your consistent and, most of all, free-of-charge, blessings to us and as the first-born child of the Scribbles household I will always maitain the standard that you desire and they, my two siblings, must emulate. However, I write this letter with a heavy heart because as at 6am this morning I realised that your two children are mental...as in dem two don kolo! Consequently, the sole purpose of this letter is to inform you that very soon me sef go kolo pass dem!!

As at 10pm on the 8th of August 2009 I had declared that we all must attend sunday service the following day because it had been almost 4 weeks since we had been to church. I told these two maniacs that we'd have to be awake by 6am and I was going to set the alarm to ring at 5:55am. I told them to go and sleep oooo! I warned them that I didn't want to hear any story wen I woke dem up for church the following day, did they listen? No! Both of dem went to bed around 2am and when I woke them up the following mornining I was greeted wiv mummurs, moans and grumbles. I sent Chalene to the bathroom first cos it takes much more time for her to get dressed than me and Colly combined. She grabbed her towel and left the room. 5 Mins later I decided to go downstairs and get something to eat and as I approached the staircase, there, crounced on in the middle of the stairwell was Chalene...sleeping! She was crashing on d staircase wen I thought she was taking a shower. I nearly kick am for back I swear! I screamed at her and she woke up startled and annoyed , grabbed her towel again and walked off to the bathroom.

Chalene was now out and had started her 2 hour makeup process, I told Colly get into the shower, he grabbed his towel, like Chalene and headed off to the bathroom. As I sat in theliving room flicking through channels I felt the need to use the loo. I stood up, walked to the toilet, opened the door and there was Colly crashing on the friggin toilet bowl wiv his towel over his head. It was both amusing and annoying, I woke him up wiv a lil smack on d head and screamed at him to get into the shower cos we were already running late. He glared at me and slowly made his way to the bathroom banging the door behind him...the only act of insolence he could exhibit.

Do you know we finally didn't go to church today? In addition to your daughter sleeping on d staircase and your son crashing on d toilet bowl you daughter took almost 30min extra in addition to her usual 2hrs to get dressed, your son took half an hour to locate an Mp3 player filled wiv songs that go against wateva we were going to hear in church and by the time we got to the bus stop it made no chronological sense to go to church again cos from our calculations there were only 30 mins of service left. Baba God these are your children and my siblings I know, but Baba God u won't blame me if next sunday I carry cold water keep for room, once alarm blow like dis all man must arrange demself jump inside bathroom if not na military treatment dem two go receive. I know we haven't seen you in almost a month but I swear today I was in d mood but na dis two crase pikin spoil everything. By ur grace and my bucket of water we go jam next week.

Your sincerly,
Sir Robby Scribbles II

ps: 10 post from now I will be celebrating a century of blogging and to mark this wonderful milestone I, like my good sister Leggychukwu, will also like to ask all readers to send in questions they'd like me to answer. I doubt y'all can ask anything that'd fluster me so be creative, somewhat unrestricted and family-friendly if possible. I want y'all to be unhindered so if you like you can email them to me at "sirscribbles@rocketmail.com". In addition to this thing I will make an announcement in my hundredth post the likes of which blogsville has never seen before....GUARATEED!!