Hapuya like dat...

I watched Wolverine a while back and something was bothering me about that film, I read a similar complaint in Gochi's blog and it just intesified the feeling of disdain towards Hoolywood. If you haven't seen the movie then look away now...There's a part where they are in Lagos and when I read the subtilte I thot I'd see places like V.I. or somewhere posh at least. The nas the camera revealed the Terrain I was just annoyed, as usual they potrayed Africans as people who don't look half as decent as a road sweeper in the UK, wiv shit for houses and shit for english language. Granted they added authenticity by including a scene wiv pple speaking igbo but excuse me oohh! Do I look like I come 4rm a Ghetto, or do they think all nigerians where leopard skin coats and hunt Antelopes for brunch? I was in a party one day and some cultural dancers were abut to take the stage, they had colourful constumes on and a guy beside me, mixed race by the way, tapped meand asked me what the feathers on the caps they were wearing meant...Now why wud he think I knew that, Racial profiling? Stereotyping? MADNESS? Do I walk up to random Chinese pple and ask them if they know Kung Fu? Do I approach random Pakistani pple and ask them if they know where I can get cheap car bombs? It's not just right! Granted I may be overreacting and he may just have asked the question innocently but I'm tired of foreigners thinking that all Africans leave on trees and can only travel form one point to the other by swinging from vines or Riding Elelphants...if CNN want to do a story on naija they won't go to Abuja oh! or the better parts of Lag', they'll go and find one gutter and stick their cameras there for two hours wiv a narrating journalists talking about how we are suffering and need aid mscheeew! One day I was standing at the bus stop very anxious cos I was late for skool and this guy 4rm Cote d'ivoire came up to me a said "You shudn't look so tense if not they will catch you" I turn in surprise and the dude proceeds oh "if you look tense they will catch you, they are everywhere, do u want to be deported?" OMG!!! So I'm being profiled by a fellow African now?! So he thinks every black guy on the street is an illegal immigrant or wat? I wanted to reply but then I saw a can of Carling in his hand...another reason to stay off Alchohol. On that subject sef, abeg why are pple giving me a hard time ehn? So what if I don't drink, wat's d big deal, I tell pple I don't drink and they say I'm not a big boy....wen did consumption of Alchohol become a criteria for Social status gradatioon abeg?! I few weeks back I was at a birthday party and the someone was pouring glasses of wine for everyone, I ask if it's alchoholic, cos I don't really care wat pple think rain or shine, he says yes it is, I say I don't drink alchohol, it's like I stopped time or something, everyone just froze and stared at me, me wey like attention I repeat myself, the dude says it's just small alchohol, I say I don't drink alchohol again, he literally forces the drink on me, So I leave it on the table and got tap water, all through the guy's looking at me like I just wasted his drink...I friggin told you I don't drink it so why r u giving me the stink eye? Another time was at Uni, We were watching football match and the guyz I went wiv to the sports hub ordered bottles of beer, I ordered a bottle of fanta, then they look at me like I'm an Alien, like I'm an anti-brewery activist! They too tried to force me to drink but I've had alot of experience wiv peer pressure and know that the best way to deal wiv it is either to ignore it or make the peers look very stupid lol (only try the latter if you are skilled in hand-to-hand combat or have some sort of life saving upper hand) I went into a long rant about how pple like to give me a hard time cos I don't drink, When pple drink Alchohol around me do I give them a hard time? Do I tell them their slowly killing their livers, Do I tell them how Alchohol as a depressant can hinder motor skills, Brain function and overall body operation? NO! But when I say I want Juice instead of Spirit or Soda instead of Beer it's like I'm from another planet! A couple of my friends said they'd spike my drink one day wen I wasn't looking (Dark Neo, Sam, Jerry and P'sy-A-wana) Friggin boyz had me paranoid for almost 2 weeks cos of that statement. When I was working at the night club alot of pple offered me drinks and when I told them I didn't take alchohol they'd have dis puzzled look on their face, It's not like I carry a placard protesting against alchohol or I walk around wiv a sanctimonious persona chastising pple who drink, I've been around pple who drink and most of my friends drink too but the thing is I just don't do it, not socially, responsibly or irresponsibly...there's no use in even trying to get me to take it, many have tried and failed, I don't even blame them for getting annoyed or looking puzzled, it's weird seeing a guy wiv a bottle of fanta in the midst of a group of men downing Jack Daniels.

Apparently I'm too young for where I am in my life which is something I hear 4rm alot of pple and I still can't understand. Today I went to see my uncle's family coz we I haven't seen on a while and they were in town. While I was talkingto them the wife asks me how I'm finding A' Levels in th UK...imagine my shock, do I look that friggin young, I didn't even know whetehr to process that as a compliment or insult. I simply smiled and told her I was doing my postgraduates...she looked at me the same way pple look at me wen I say I don't drink lol. Then her husband walks in 4rm work and while we're greeting each other he asks me where I go to skool, I tell me Birmingham, he says what am I studying in my A levels....excuse me but what tabloid are you pple reading please? is this a family conspiracy? He tells me I have dis sorta boyish look...what d friggin hell is that supposed to mean? Agbaya 21 year old like me and you are saying boyish look ke!! Anytime I tell pple how old I am and watz up wiv my education they just act weird, some congratulate, some sneer and some fall in love (latter is a hypothesis wiv inconclusion results lol), okay so I may be young but I'm guessing there are younger pple out there in far more advanced situations than me right? Sometimes I don't even know whether it's a good thing jo, the only other naija guy in my class who I hang wiv is married wiv a son, the average age of my classmates is 24...who put my life on fast forward please ehn?

Am I ranting? I think I am, I can't help it jo I'm disturbed right now, Age alchohol and Africa r just making me absolutly livid in a variety of ways!!!