"SUPER UBER MEGA CELEBRITY BLOG BRAWL!"
The Celebrities are Brutal, the Commentary is unforgiven and the Rules are non-existent. This is our first episode so we're going to give you a quik run-through of what you're to expect. We're all about fun and violence and what's more fun than seeing wonderful celebrities tear each other apart in the most hilarious and unreal ways! Ok let's get right into the head-bashing bone-breaking feast on the menu.
From the Okpokwu local government area we bring you a celebrity who's got more babies than Ladies and Gentlemen 2FACE!!!!! "One love my people! 2Baba don enter the place"
And his opponent, from Young money records, a rising star who looks as hot as her lyrics and packs a booty that any Pirate would want to get his hands on. Put your hands together for NICKI MINAJ!!!!! "Yo yo yo! It's the Harajuku Barbie bitches!!! number sign!!
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!
2face is just sizing Nicki up now. Seems like his trying to pick the best strategy to approach the Buxom Vixen. To be honest her figure is quite intimidating, those thighs would make any man think twice. Nicki wants 2face to make the first move, she looks calm and collected and I'm sure 2face knows he can't attack without careful consideration. 2face feints a right jab, Nicki flinces, he feints a left jab, Nicki ducks and 2face sees and opening, he connects a vicious round-house kick to Nicki's jaw and the African/Trinidadian/Indo-Asian recoils with a moan. 2face dashes towards her before she has time to recover and throws a careless right hook, Nicki parries it and unleashes a 3-punch combo on his face leaving 2face wiv a busted lip and a large bump on his right cheek. 2face steps back but Nicki isn't done with him yet. As the nigerian steadies himslef Nicki reaches into her cleavage and pulls out a large CD pouch. She screams "Harajuku technique Mixtape-shuriken" and immediately the pouch opens up and all the CDs inside hurl themselves at 2face. He tries to dodge the salvo of CDs but he isn't fast enough and gets caught in the knee. The singer drops to the floor clucthing his bleeding knee and Nicki goes in for the kill. "Oh you sleeping on me nigga? U think it's slumber time? Imma put you out of your misery. Harajuku technique Barbie-bitch-battalion!!!" Her jeans rip at the sides and her thighs begin to pulsate. Suddenly her thighs burst open and little harajuku barbie creatures pour out of it in their hundreds. The battalion of barbies lunge at 2face heaping themselves on him while constantly chanting the words "Itty bitty piggy. Itty bitty piggy. Itty bitty piggy" As 2face is slowly swallowed in the heap of barbies he screams "NOTHING DEY HAPPEN!!" and the barbie battalion's rhythmic chants cease. One by one they begin to writhe and moan and all of a sudden protrusions appear on their bellies. In a matter of seconds he managed to impregnate the whole Barbie-Bitch-battalion and as each barbie's belly enlarges Nicki screams in pain. Nicki is bleeding through her nose now and 2face slowly gets to his feet, pulls a replica of his MTV award from his pants and hobbles over to Nicki wiv one hand still clutching his bleeding knee. As he poises to deliver the final blow she pulls out a condom from her butt crack and hurls it at his face. As soon as the condom touches his face it catches fire and 2face lets out a deafening scream while trying to get it off, the fire envelopes his face and he drops to the flow squirming. As his head is slowly reduced to a small heap of ash his body stills and a few moments later the only sign that the body on the floor was ever living is a lump in its crotch area which seems to not be shrinking even though the body is lifeless. KO Ladies and Gentlemen! NICKI MINAJ IS OUR WINNER TONIGHT!!!
What a cracking opening battle folks. Nicki Minaj obviously did her homework before the battle tonight and capitalised on her opponent's only weakness. Join us again next time as another pair of celebrities go head-to-head in Sir Scribbles' "Super Uber Mega Celebrity Blog Brawl"