(NB: This is a satirical post) Ladies and Gentlemen, I am posting today to bring an argument before you. I am here with one intention and it is to convince you that Technology is evil! It is the the spawn of malevolent minds and intentions. It is the bringer of sorrow and despair. It is the epitome of torment and torture. I won't be making such bold claims if I lacked the evidence to back them up so let me elaborate on why I think the world would have been better off without technology. I will focus on three minions of technology in my argument and they are: Television, Mobile Phones and The Internet. Let us begin
This is the oldest minion of technology among the three I just listed. It is the four-edged bringer of violence and immorality. Television has evolved from the black and white pictures which dazzled our fore-fathers to the HD ready televisions of today which are ever-ready to bring scenes of gore and kpanching to our very eyes in stunning high definition pictures. Some of you might be saying, "But Scribbles, wetin you dey yan sef? Television is a source of information and not all shows are violent and explicit" and your argument would be completely valid. However, television is not just a bearer of violence and immorality. It is also one of the major sources of depression anxiety, tension and heartache. For Example, where did we all see Sani Kaita show off his kung fu/match-selling skills? At the World Cup via the television. Where did we see Greece beat Nigeria 2-1 and consequently give Zeus and Hercules the right to call Amadioha and Sango their b#tches? On the television. Where did we first see Yakumumu Ayegbeni miss an open net from 3yrds? on the frigging television. I am sorry but despite bringing us Godly channels like TBN, informative channels like CNN and educational yet painfully boring channels like The History Channel, I think Television is a device concocted by diabolical minds to serve us an information-entertainment soft drink but then spike it with sorrow and torment with little ice cubes of kpannching and kpoxing. I am watching a television now and guess what's on? The England manager giving a press conference on England's exit from the World Cup and his future career as their manager. Isn't that just depressing? The man just got kicked out of the competition by a team who almost, if not actually, molested them on the field and you are making him give a press conference instead of getting him to a psychiatrist to make sure the whole ordeal didn't tamper with him mentally? That's just unfair and uncalled for but such is the habit of television. It never fails to milk embarrassment and humiliation out of it's victims and if you think that's a lie why don't you ask Tiger Woods or Umar Mutallab what it feels like to be breaking news.
Take a look at the picture on the left. Take a good hard look at it. That my friends is the face of evil. There is a saying in the Scribble household: "Man wey carry mobile phone no know sey e dey give devil piggyback ride". Despite the questionable source of this saying, it cannot be ignored or denied that mobile phones are indeed the devils minions. Every feature of the average mobile phone has be designed diabolically to carry a facade of innovation but entrails of pure menace. Nowadays people can have sex via text which just undermines the whole point of kpanching which is 2 (or more) pple getting down and getting jiggy which each other while there's physical contact between them. The iPhone and BlackBerry are evil devices which don't need any more description than a prostitute with a tattoo on her forehead saying "I bang for bucks". Everything from BlackBerry messenger to the gazillion apps the iPhone offers points only in one direction, a total abandonment of self-reliance and a complete dependency on the mobile phone. Have you seen Lady Gaga and Beyonce's "Video phone" music video? You have? do I need to say anything more in this paragraph? I don't think so.
Oh my goodness! I had to clutch my bible in one hand and put rosary beads between my teeth before typing the name "Internet". Forget sey I dey use internet type this post, it is unfortunately a necessary evil. The Internet is the No1 source of evil and I can bet you that down there, in the bowels of hell, the devil has the best broadband and BIS the underworld has to offer. How else can he deploy his minions into Facebook? The same minions who send odd, annoying messages to people declaring their undying love and proposals of marriage. Where do you think all the wahala people on Twitter originate from? it is from the bowels of the devil's BIS. The internet may be a resource filled with immeasurable knowledge but it is also the home of such evils as Hi5 and MySpace. If you are still on Hi5 and MySpace I can give you the number of a very renowned exorcist who will force that ungodly spirit out of you and make you join Twitter. I am not saying Hi5 and MySpace are for devilish people, I'm just saying that it is like the Old testament and Twitter is the New Testament. Do you realize I haven't even talked about Pornography? I am have basically reached the end of this paragraph and I haven't even touched pornography or yahoo-yahoo sef. Somewhere in the world right now there is a little boy who is trying to do his English Language homework. The teacher asked the class to find the meaning of certain words and the innocent soul just googled the word "Analyse". He expected google to take his innocent search request and bring back the definition for his homework. Instead, what google brought back will shock the little boy and the picture he is now staring at will leave an imprint in the back of his mind like the imprint the kondo will leave while "Analysing".
My argument may be one-sided but it is expected since I am trying to drive home the fact that Technology is evil! Television, Mobile phones and the Internet are the bringers of despair and corruption and the sooner you toss your TV out the window, dunk your mobile phone in the toilet and toss you laptop into a river, the closer the world will be to sancticty. It starts with just one person. Someone has read this post, infact you have read this post and said to yourself "But Scribbles is right, technology is actually evil". To you, the one who has realised the truth in my words, I say GO FORTH AND RID THE WORLD OF TECHNOLOGY! Don't be afraid to stop someone on the street, grab their mobile phone and toss it into the nearest lake. Don't tremble when you send the £900 HD TV ur popsy just bought flying out the window. Do not fear for I am with you in sprit and I am only going to be with you in spirit cos if you actually do any of the things I just said you will be physically get the shit kicked out of you.