I woke up this morning terrified mehn! I had I dream dat I died and went to hell nd let me tell you I was scared stiff wen I woke up...I don't even want to go into details...I just woke up nd looked around nd thanked God it was just a dream...Baba God if it is a sign don't worry, I dey reach church 2moro most def!
So I went for the Medical check up as required by this my prospective job yesterday and for the record I don't think I've ever had a medical b4 except wen my Uni checked all graduates for STDs but that's a story for another post. Anyway I was kinda anxious cos I've had doubts about my health, It's nothing major o, just that wen I'm drinking a glass of coke I'm think Ddabetes and wen I'm Jamming DJ Zeez on my Ipod I'm think deafness lol. So I found the clinic and filled in the form. My appointement was for 4pm but I was there really early so I did mine sharp sharp. A male nurse takes me into a room and asks me if I drink, smoke or take drugs, obviously no! Then he says he wants to check for Diabetes, remember I've not had a medical b4 so I wen he said he wanted to check for Diabetes the first thing that came to my mind was he was going to cut a piece of chocolate and give me to eat and if I attacked him for the rest then I was diabetic lol. Anyway he gives me one of those medical shot glasses and says he needs a Lil' urine sample...I hate giving Urine samples! Thers's just something uncomfortable about doing a number one into a small cup and giving it to someone for examination...I just feel weird but I guess it's better than giving a stool sample right? So I number 1 into the cup, cover it and clean it wiv a tissue b4 I hand it to the guy lol. He asks me to open it...Mad man! Shey na Sir Scribbles II liquid this guy dey treat like acid? He sticks a lil paper in it and waits a few seconds, for some reason I was scared that I might be diabetic....that easter party was just a sugar festival so I won't be surprised lol. He throws it in the bin and say it's perfect...WHOOHOO!!! I was so relieved ehn u won't believe.
He takes me into another room and tells me he wants to check my blood pressure, he straps my arm wiv the inflating blood pressure checker gizmobobulator (yes I'm medically Ig'nant lol) and after the first try he says I shud try and take deep breaths cos my blood pressure is too high...O BOY! that statement did more harm than good and he had to check it 3 times before I calmed down...I started thinking of something to calm me down and I swear what came to my mind was Kilishi! My mum brought Kilishi 4rm naija wen she came over and that help my blood pressure normalise. It's funny wat tension can do you know, he checked for colour blindness nd I nearly messed up not cos I cudn't see it but cos I was tense. Then he told me to do one of those alphabetic reading things, I stood behind line and put one hand over my right eye and started reading it slowly, I was seeing everything clearly oh but see as my left eye wan fall my hand in public, wen I got to the last line my eyes began to water and I cudn't see it well...see as I dey guess letters like Illiterate ehn! Sha my right eye compensated cos I read it again like it was a poem. Oga then check my height, you won't believe that I don't know how tall I am, I'm sha 6'2'' baby!! Mamas keep ur daughters locked up cos Godzilla is coming out to play lol! I can now walk around town saying "Fi fie fo fum, I smell the blodd of an English man"...although I might get arrested...and deported....cos it sounds rascist...LOL! He does a hearing test and I passed that as well so he sends me to a doctor wo'll check my lungs and heart.
Doctor places a stethoscope (LOL...not so ig'nant now am I?) on my chest and tells me he needs to check my blood pressure again cos my heart is raising, now I'm just angry wiv myself, "calm d hell down" I tell myself. I'm going to a peaceful place, wiv clear blue skies, and flowers...and Megan Good in a night gown...I'm so friggin calm right now ehn lol! Anyway the BP is steady and normal thank God so I passed the Medical, dat's two down and two to go...abeg help me ask them which kin job dey require so much assesment! So I'm not diabetic, have a normal BP, hear and see perfect and my heart nd lungs are perfect...remain small I 4 be bulletproof!
Don't lie oh! U know dis happens to you, have you ever noticed how when pple are observing a minutes silence for a tragedy you somehow tend to want to say something? during those silent 60 minutes it's like you want to explode, you've been talking everyday of your life before today but 60 minutes of obligatory silence feels like torture lol. U don't have a cold oh but u feel like sneezing, u even think you'll fart sef...it's crazy lol!
One of the most powerful abbreviations in the online vocabulary is "LOL", do you know how powerful it is? if you don't know how somebody will interpret a reply u sent during a chat u just throw in an "LOL", if you leave a comment on someone's post and you don't know if the person's a cantankerous dolt who'll think you wanna start something you just throw in an "LOL" at the end of the seemingly ambiguous sentence. Sometimes ur not even laughing out loud in reality but it's like a protocol if you want to live in peace online, like pple prostrating or somthing. Heck I throw them in at the beginning and end of a sentece so you get the message that Sir Scribbles comes in peace lol!
So I went for the Medical check up as required by this my prospective job yesterday and for the record I don't think I've ever had a medical b4 except wen my Uni checked all graduates for STDs but that's a story for another post. Anyway I was kinda anxious cos I've had doubts about my health, It's nothing major o, just that wen I'm drinking a glass of coke I'm think Ddabetes and wen I'm Jamming DJ Zeez on my Ipod I'm think deafness lol. So I found the clinic and filled in the form. My appointement was for 4pm but I was there really early so I did mine sharp sharp. A male nurse takes me into a room and asks me if I drink, smoke or take drugs, obviously no! Then he says he wants to check for Diabetes, remember I've not had a medical b4 so I wen he said he wanted to check for Diabetes the first thing that came to my mind was he was going to cut a piece of chocolate and give me to eat and if I attacked him for the rest then I was diabetic lol. Anyway he gives me one of those medical shot glasses and says he needs a Lil' urine sample...I hate giving Urine samples! Thers's just something uncomfortable about doing a number one into a small cup and giving it to someone for examination...I just feel weird but I guess it's better than giving a stool sample right? So I number 1 into the cup, cover it and clean it wiv a tissue b4 I hand it to the guy lol. He asks me to open it...Mad man! Shey na Sir Scribbles II liquid this guy dey treat like acid? He sticks a lil paper in it and waits a few seconds, for some reason I was scared that I might be diabetic....that easter party was just a sugar festival so I won't be surprised lol. He throws it in the bin and say it's perfect...WHOOHOO!!! I was so relieved ehn u won't believe.
He takes me into another room and tells me he wants to check my blood pressure, he straps my arm wiv the inflating blood pressure checker gizmobobulator (yes I'm medically Ig'nant lol) and after the first try he says I shud try and take deep breaths cos my blood pressure is too high...O BOY! that statement did more harm than good and he had to check it 3 times before I calmed down...I started thinking of something to calm me down and I swear what came to my mind was Kilishi! My mum brought Kilishi 4rm naija wen she came over and that help my blood pressure normalise. It's funny wat tension can do you know, he checked for colour blindness nd I nearly messed up not cos I cudn't see it but cos I was tense. Then he told me to do one of those alphabetic reading things, I stood behind line and put one hand over my right eye and started reading it slowly, I was seeing everything clearly oh but see as my left eye wan fall my hand in public, wen I got to the last line my eyes began to water and I cudn't see it well...see as I dey guess letters like Illiterate ehn! Sha my right eye compensated cos I read it again like it was a poem. Oga then check my height, you won't believe that I don't know how tall I am, I'm sha 6'2'' baby!! Mamas keep ur daughters locked up cos Godzilla is coming out to play lol! I can now walk around town saying "Fi fie fo fum, I smell the blodd of an English man"...although I might get arrested...and deported....cos it sounds rascist...LOL! He does a hearing test and I passed that as well so he sends me to a doctor wo'll check my lungs and heart.
Doctor places a stethoscope (LOL...not so ig'nant now am I?) on my chest and tells me he needs to check my blood pressure again cos my heart is raising, now I'm just angry wiv myself, "calm d hell down" I tell myself. I'm going to a peaceful place, wiv clear blue skies, and flowers...and Megan Good in a night gown...I'm so friggin calm right now ehn lol! Anyway the BP is steady and normal thank God so I passed the Medical, dat's two down and two to go...abeg help me ask them which kin job dey require so much assesment! So I'm not diabetic, have a normal BP, hear and see perfect and my heart nd lungs are perfect...remain small I 4 be bulletproof!
Don't lie oh! U know dis happens to you, have you ever noticed how when pple are observing a minutes silence for a tragedy you somehow tend to want to say something? during those silent 60 minutes it's like you want to explode, you've been talking everyday of your life before today but 60 minutes of obligatory silence feels like torture lol. U don't have a cold oh but u feel like sneezing, u even think you'll fart sef...it's crazy lol!
One of the most powerful abbreviations in the online vocabulary is "LOL", do you know how powerful it is? if you don't know how somebody will interpret a reply u sent during a chat u just throw in an "LOL", if you leave a comment on someone's post and you don't know if the person's a cantankerous dolt who'll think you wanna start something you just throw in an "LOL" at the end of the seemingly ambiguous sentence. Sometimes ur not even laughing out loud in reality but it's like a protocol if you want to live in peace online, like pple prostrating or somthing. Heck I throw them in at the beginning and end of a sentece so you get the message that Sir Scribbles comes in peace lol!