a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Your hair has a name?!

04:26 Posted by Sir Scribbles 25 comments
Wonders will never cease! I've heard a lot of interesting and shocking things in this life but the info. I stumbled upon a few nights ago was numbing simply cos it's something that's been all around me and I never noticed. This is the convo that initiated everything and it's between two members of my Twitfam on Twitter:

@tammywarmate to @MsItoro "omg i love ur hair! what is the name of ur weave??"

I was dumbstruck and thought it was a typo to be honest so I decided to clarify:

@Sir_Scribbles to @tammywarmate & @MsItoro "...they have names?"

The replies I got afterwards shocked me. Apparently women have names for their weaves?!! How is that even possible? I was numb I swear! I thought it was some sort of joke and was expecting someone to go "Psych! It's all Jokes Scribbles!". I decided to dig deeper into this weave naming conspiracy and I was hit with another bombshell. The weaves have codes...FRIGGIN CODES!!!!! I was told the codes were used to tell different colours apart and using my valuable sources and impressive analytical skills I gathered some of the names . Here they are with traditional Scribble-terpretations:

Wet & Wavy: I've seen women go mental when water touches their weave and I'm assuming the Wet & Wavy weave is water resistant or something. On the other hand, this just sounds like a sex position involving a water bed.

Beverly Johnson: Who is Beverly Johnson and why is a weave named after her? Have you heard of her before? Cos I haven't. Is it her hair that's being chopped off and glued/stitched together to make the weave? Someone please enlighten me! Tell me why this seemingly non-existent person has a weave named after her and Optimus Prime hasn't got a weave named after him?! If Beverly's got a weave then Optimus should as well.

American express: There's even a weave named after a credit card? Now I understand why the weaves have PIN codes. I can imagine a chick at a store paying for a pair of shoes by feeding her Black & Ox Blood mix weave into the card machine and entering 0350 as her PIN.

Ultra plus: This one sounds like a power-up move in Street fighter. Some female character in the game charges up, screams "Ultra plus!!!" and unleashes a special move where her weave starts hitting you with dandruff the size of golfballs. Instant KO!

Unique weave: I'm guessing the manufacturers realised the numerous "exciting" names that already existed and thought they'd keep it short and simple. Either that or they were just too friggin lazy to think for an outlandish name for their weave

Russian Virgin Remy hair: I understand why Remy decided to share his/her hair with the rest of the world, it's because he/she is a communist. He/she probably believes in the communist ideology and now practices it by allowing his/her hair to be distributed globally. Remy, communism is so 1917, quit with the follicle distribution and go get laid!

Darling Yaky: From what I heard this is a very razz weave and the "posh" ones among the female folk don't think it's any good. Why the hell is it called darling then? If you don't think it's a good or pretty weave then darling isn't the most appropriate term for addressing the weave now is it?. I suggest "Dreadful Yaky" "Gruesome Yaky" "Horrible Yaky" & "Ojuju Yaky".

There's no way I could have put up all the names I discovered and even as I was typing this more aspects of this hair naming conspiracy were being revealed to me. In addition to the hair names and colour codes there are also length codes?! My people I am weak! I say I don weak. I don't know whether to feel ignorant for not knowing or thankful that I don't have to memorise names, colour codes and length codes. Ladies, respect! Una dey try I swear!

25 comments:

BBB said...

hehehehe
first!!!!!!!
ur nt serious
of cos they have names how wud we differentiate them without names,

..Moyo said...

LOL "Russian Virgin Remy hair"
*sigh*
As a girl sef, I only knew about Darling Yaki.
I have to get in touch with my feminine side though!

Guccib3ll3 said...

Omg!!! U are not serious. How else do we differentiate and know the particular ones we want?
I love ur blog layout tho. Kewl.

2cute4u said...

E be like say you just dey wake up abi?
I'm sure guys have accessories they prefer and go for and ofcourse have names for..
You'd be the first to know that I'm sure

2cute4u said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Myne Whitman said...

Of course there are names and all, lol. Colour codes and length too. Mine is Afro 2.0, guess what it looks like?

la~pimpette said...

LMAO! I don't even know half of these names ooh! But I bliv there r even more! smh!

Think of the names like brands...

Neo said...

Hmn, where did u do ur research some of these names are jus dodgy! Now its all the rage to have hair named after a country like Indian remy, Brazillian, Argentine...

Abosede said...

Hee Hee ..... I have to admit ignorance to everything weave but I remember back in the day when it was all about hair for braids (don't know what they're called now) but they had codes as well.

I do have to say human hair (for weaves) freaks me out!!! How are you gonna put somebody else's hair on your head!!! It's like putting someone else's nails as nail extensions!!

kay9 said...

It's way past time u saw a shrink Robby! Mehn, i stopd reading after that Russian one (''its so 1917! Looool....)
Hell, even i know weaves have names (dunno abt codes shaa) - n i thot i was the biggest philistine on blogsville.

Miss Natural said...

lol robby you are hilarious. i cant really comment, of course they have to have names cos they are all of different textures. lol. i dont know much about weaves sha. lol and your remi description was hilarious!

Sugarking said...

lol @ an Optimus Prime weave. That'ld be something sha, definitely.

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

Roflol!!! Sir Scribbles you have killed me!!! but seriously why are guys so MIA when it comes to these things? U guys need to be in the know mehn! Once, a guy asked me if my mid-back length braids were my hair. My response - really???? do you have sisters??? *sadly he did..smh!
P.S - there's the bohemian type and Premium Plus!!!
<<<<<<<<<< this one just so happens to be mine however :D

Ebony~!* said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL....horrible yaky, na so O! this is really funny mehn I have been cracking up like a fool here. :)

Fragilelooks said...

LOL. YEAH WE GOT NAMES FOR IT ALL. ITS EASIER TO DIFFRENCIATE. DON'T U GUYS HAVE NAMES FOR UR HAIR CUTS?????? EXAMPLE..... PUNK: THE ONE WHERE U HAVE HAIR IN FRONT. USUALLY HIGH.
FRONT AND BACK: THE ONE WHERE THERES MORE HAIR IN THE FRONT AND BACK THAN IN THE MIDDLE.
ETC. TRY AND FIND OUT. LOL

aeedeeaee said...

It's official, My friend, Sir Robby Scribbles II needs help kponkwem!

chayoma said...

dude seriously how else cld i call my hairdresser and request for a particular weave if they aint got a name?? will i go>>> " the one Beyonce wore to the Grammy's??"

NakedSha said...

Oh wow! it's strange that you just found out..

You know tammy warmate? yey!

Ms.O said...

#Youdondeymadt sha...smh!

Jemilah said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I've heard of Remy but i didn't know she was Russian! Heard of Yahki, too- dont know much about her. you forgot the Brazilians, the Indians, the 'Malaysians', the Spanish and the Queen of them all- Aunty Funmi Hair-- Imagine M&S food advert when the ladies start talking about Aunty funmi-- she's hand-picked,etc you get the drift.

Yetunde said...

ROFLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

lahlah said...

lmfao, why hav i missed this post, scribbles it's the brand name now ever heard of darling yaki sha, wet n wavy is wet and wavy because it is wavy when wet

'Damilola said...

This is too funny! I'm a first time visitor and this post just had me laughing till I shed tears! I never really thought about it, but our weaves really do have SHADY names!! (The one I have on now is called Miss Rola, and don't mind the name, it look tres hot! ROTFLMHO)

'Damilola said...

*looks

phaithA said...

lmfao!!..i love this post..its hilarious and genius!!