a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Saturday, 13 June 2009

Yesterday....

02:22 Posted by Sir Scribbles , , 24 comments
I woke up this morning terrified mehn! I had I dream dat I died and went to hell nd let me tell you I was scared stiff wen I woke up...I don't even want to go into details...I just woke up nd looked around nd thanked God it was just a dream...Baba God if it is a sign don't worry, I dey reach church 2moro most def!

So I went for the Medical check up as required by this my prospective job yesterday and for the record I don't think I've ever had a medical b4 except wen my Uni checked all graduates for STDs but that's a story for another post. Anyway I was kinda anxious cos I've had doubts about my health, It's nothing major o, just that wen I'm drinking a glass of coke I'm think Ddabetes and wen I'm Jamming DJ Zeez on my Ipod I'm think deafness lol. So I found the clinic and filled in the form. My appointement was for 4pm but I was there really early so I did mine sharp sharp. A male nurse takes me into a room and asks me if I drink, smoke or take drugs, obviously no! Then he says he wants to check for Diabetes, remember I've not had a medical b4 so I wen he said he wanted to check for Diabetes the first thing that came to my mind was he was going to cut a piece of chocolate and give me to eat and if I attacked him for the rest then I was diabetic lol. Anyway he gives me one of those medical shot glasses and says he needs a Lil' urine sample...I hate giving Urine samples! Thers's just something uncomfortable about doing a number one into a small cup and giving it to someone for examination...I just feel weird but I guess it's better than giving a stool sample right? So I number 1 into the cup, cover it and clean it wiv a tissue b4 I hand it to the guy lol. He asks me to open it...Mad man! Shey na Sir Scribbles II liquid this guy dey treat like acid? He sticks a lil paper in it and waits a few seconds, for some reason I was scared that I might be diabetic....that easter party was just a sugar festival so I won't be surprised lol. He throws it in the bin and say it's perfect...WHOOHOO!!! I was so relieved ehn u won't believe.

He takes me into another room and tells me he wants to check my blood pressure, he straps my arm wiv the inflating blood pressure checker gizmobobulator (yes I'm medically Ig'nant lol) and after the first try he says I shud try and take deep breaths cos my blood pressure is too high...O BOY! that statement did more harm than good and he had to check it 3 times before I calmed down...I started thinking of something to calm me down and I swear what came to my mind was Kilishi! My mum brought Kilishi 4rm naija wen she came over and that help my blood pressure normalise. It's funny wat tension can do you know, he checked for colour blindness nd I nearly messed up not cos I cudn't see it but cos I was tense. Then he told me to do one of those alphabetic reading things, I stood behind line and put one hand over my right eye and started reading it slowly, I was seeing everything clearly oh but see as my left eye wan fall my hand in public, wen I got to the last line my eyes began to water and I cudn't see it well...see as I dey guess letters like Illiterate ehn! Sha my right eye compensated cos I read it again like it was a poem. Oga then check my height, you won't believe that I don't know how tall I am, I'm sha 6'2'' baby!! Mamas keep ur daughters locked up cos Godzilla is coming out to play lol! I can now walk around town saying "Fi fie fo fum, I smell the blodd of an English man"...although I might get arrested...and deported....cos it sounds rascist...LOL! He does a hearing test and I passed that as well so he sends me to a doctor wo'll check my lungs and heart.

Doctor places a stethoscope (LOL...not so ig'nant now am I?) on my chest and tells me he needs to check my blood pressure again cos my heart is raising, now I'm just angry wiv myself, "calm d hell down" I tell myself. I'm going to a peaceful place, wiv clear blue skies, and flowers...and Megan Good in a night gown...I'm so friggin calm right now ehn lol! Anyway the BP is steady and normal thank God so I passed the Medical, dat's two down and two to go...abeg help me ask them which kin job dey require so much assesment! So I'm not diabetic, have a normal BP, hear and see perfect and my heart nd lungs are perfect...remain small I 4 be bulletproof!

Don't lie oh! U know dis happens to you, have you ever noticed how when pple are observing a minutes silence for a tragedy you somehow tend to want to say something? during those silent 60 minutes it's like you want to explode, you've been talking everyday of your life before today but 60 minutes of obligatory silence feels like torture lol. U don't have a cold oh but u feel like sneezing, u even think you'll fart sef...it's crazy lol!

One of the most powerful abbreviations in the online vocabulary is "LOL", do you know how powerful it is? if you don't know how somebody will interpret a reply u sent during a chat u just throw in an "LOL", if you leave a comment on someone's post and you don't know if the person's a cantankerous dolt who'll think you wanna start something you just throw in an "LOL" at the end of the seemingly ambiguous sentence. Sometimes ur not even laughing out loud in reality but it's like a protocol if you want to live in peace online, like pple prostrating or somthing. Heck I throw them in at the beginning and end of a sentece so you get the message that Sir Scribbles comes in peace lol!

24 comments:

juiceegal said...

First!!!!!!!!

juiceegal said...

Naija bad boi iv come back to claim my spot........in your face........lol

juiceegal said...

Ok lemme go and read now

juiceegal said...

Why do i feel the need to leave multiple comments here??

juiceegal said...

Well simply because i can.hehehehe

juiceegal said...

Lol....................see i'm copying u in saying lol..............lol.
Ok so the purpose of this post is to tell us that you are in perfect condition.............lol
Thats gud to know...........lol
Pardon me..im rather hyper this morning........lol

BSNC said...

lol you are funny..
Jesus how can you dream of going to helll, God forbid bad thing. it is not your portion.

lol of the things you want to think about, you have to think about kilishi. E be like say you like food well well.

chayoma said...

juiceegal, this no be ur husband's house wey u fit leave comments everywhere! i didnt see a ring on it oh!

So Sir Scribbs,u 6 foot +....
me likes them tall! :)
u cldnt think of me to calm u down, it was Megan Good, eh?
i am vexing
lol

Miss Natural said...

lol u will not die oh...I rebuke that dream for u in Jesus name. Wow, quite scary.
That medical exam was serious oh!!!!!!! I wonder what kind of job you're applying for anwyay. Hope you get it cos after all this stress. Btw wow u must be a tense guy oh...see how u were just panicking and panicking and panicking lol. True true about the lol...so true.

Tinu said...

LOOOOOOOOOOL!!!FIrst time here soo im reli first!!!!
glad to know ur in perfect condidtiona nd me too I must reach church tomorow!

Lady X said...

I've dreamt of going to Hell countless times o!Na normal thing now sef!
One time I had to take a HIV test to apply for one useless Uni, even though I knew I hadn't been up to any mischief I was still shaking!
Cuz it's not through only 'mischief' you get HIV abi!

BBB said...

dream of Hell olorunmaje...

its not ur portion..
i feel u on d lol stuff i do it also....

hate all those medicals.....
hate syringes...
hate hospitals..
hate d smell of drugs
its no joke that i read engineering

Sir Scribbles II said...

@Juiceegal: This is ur way of marking territory right...I think they've got the message lol...nd yes It's about me being in good health

@BSNC: Amen oh! I woke up so scared ehn u won't believe...so cos I thot of kilishi I now like food too much abi?...shey u want me to starve? lol

@Chayoma: Baby bo I actually started thinking of you but the pink panther in a night gown wasn't very..."interesting" lol

@Miss Natural: I see you are back and catching up, I wasn't panicking jo, i was just anxious. I pray i get it too oh, all did tests are stress my pocket!

@Tinu: Dat one is 4 you and juiceegal to sort out my hand no dey oh! Omo if you pray 4 me I'll pray 4 you lol

@Lady X: Aveg I don't want it to be as normal thing oh! I think everyone is scared of dat test, I knew I didn't have it but I was still tense wen I took the HIV test in skool

@BBB: Amen my dear, I can't fit to go to hell o na lie. I do it all d time too lol. U sha hate hospitals o, I wanted to do engineering but my liver no reach to dey cram all those formulas

yinkuslolo said...

haha, immediately u started the med tst story i knew d details. if u know the kind of wahala i went thru when i first registered in my skul, infcact that's a post for sometime.

yo! u dont know ur height for reals? i am like, guys always use it to brag esp if they are tall. oh well, maybe u're an exception

Sir Scribbles II said...

@ynikuslolo: Thank God it's not like i'm exaggerating the whole thing, i really din't know how tall i was seriously..i knew i was 6ft something but no official measurement till d medical lol

flabby said...

6 2" is the perfect height *note the lack of lol*

Sir Scribbles II said...

@Flabby: So u r not joking then, nice one then..like I said, Mamas shud locked up their daughters

Adaeze said...

lol..ur so right about the lol!
Glad u have perfect health. Keep it like that yeah? Not too much drinkin and def no smoking. 6'2 is perfect height! U stopped growing by now right? I think I stopped growing in height at 14 I was 6 ft tall and still am, lol.

P'sy-A-wana said...

in d words of bush u go catch jigbi jigbi, and like bad ur lungs go black....but dude its nice to know u dey bam, but how come there was no prostate exam, or did u leave dat out rotfmlao....

Tay-mee said...

sir scribbs yo thinkin of megan good eh...hmm i jus hope u went to church..nd yea i always do the lol thing too..ya know just incase

CultureCynic said...

LMAOOOO u r so dead on love about the not being able to keep quite for 60seconds....i think it is knowing tha you are can't scratch your bum bum if you wanted, or get that annoying itch at the tip of you nose that makes you freak the hell out.....i do that sll the time, i just want to say something....silence can be a scary thing o..

and about the LOL o matter...u kno lie sef....but the abuse, misuse and reckless overuse of 'lol' got to stop....my sarcastic comments have being tragically ruined numerous times with the insertion of the ubitiqous LOL...waht gives? In this era of FB and Blogging, i learned the hard way that sarcasm is lost on many, so i just apply it sparingly to some people, BUT i will not succomb to the pressure of making someone feel better by inserting LOL, let them get a fucking sense of humor jare ...

next time u r freaking out...think WWCCD?

Dark Neo said...

Okay first I feel cultureCynic and the sarcasm thing... But what is surprising is the fact that nobody talked about finishing the medical test....Robby I can finish the test for you. You will eventually find out if you are really bullet proof...and I promise no stethoscopes or bloodpressuremathingies. I'll even test you for freeeeeeeeee.

Dark Neo said...

"LOL" Maga ...bullet proof KE!!! See your head. And why you wan com dey form like say only medicals dey make you anxious. You've acted like this every time I told you I like a chick and want to go after her...even sumtyms wen chick come spin you na so you dey do .... "LOL" I hope the LOL works LOL!

NaijaBabe said...

Hahaha...I would have soo laughed if the guy did bring out the chocolate... you would have peed in your pants.

LOL- You know the worse part...when you can see the person on webcam and the person is not even as much as picking their teeth, let alone smiling, then you know the 'LOL' is BS