a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Hoe: A non-agricultural approach

08:56 Posted by Sir Scribbles 11 comments
The following post may rub some of you the wrong way. As usual, spell-checking is for weaklings...

You may have come across the term "Hoe" at some point in your life. You may have heard it in a conversation, used it yourself to "compliment" someone or maybe even had the "honour" of being addressed as one before. Whichever way, it's undeniable that "Hoe" is a part of everyday life. Today, I simply wish to enlighten those who may be mystified by The Hoe. If you already grasp the concept of then this will simply supplement your knowledge. Either way, learning never stops. Today, we learn about The Hoe. Let's Begin

Concept
The origin of the Hoe, like the reason behind Kim Kardashian's fame, is shrouded in mystery. Some say it dates back as far as early 17th century while others say it may even be as old as Sean Connery himself (which is pretty dam old by the way. We may not be able to trace the origin of The Hoe but we can confidently say that like its track record with men/women, it's been around. What or Who is a Hoe then? "A Hoe is a gardening tool used for digging the earth". If you wanna get technical then you can also say "A Hoe is a man or woman who's been with more guys/girls than WAEC". A Hoe is a Slut. An Ashewo. A man-hoe. A pers0n who's decided that come rain or shine, everytime is shagging time (Choc City sign me up!). A hoe will hop on a penis or VJJ faster than you can say 'Osondi Owendi' backwards and if you are wondering if a hoe has self-respect or self-control, the answer is no! These things are foreign to a hoe; for Shame, a hoe has not. The concept of "The Hoe" basically revolves around the nuts of a man or the orifice of a woman. Now that we've elaborated on the concept of The Hoe. Let's move on....

Terms of Use
"Hoe" is usually used to describe a woman who's attained a well above average record in humping anything with 2 & a half legs or sliding into anything regularly willing enough to have bending over as a hobby. It should only be used to identify a woman who deserves the accolade simply because she's turned the space between her legs into a tool free parking zone. For a man to be a Hoe, he must have turned his penis into a VJJ tollgate (Figuratively ofcourse). So, Is "Hoe" an insult? Well that depends on the mentality of the man or woman. Some people strive towards Hoedom and if such a person is called a hoe, it's mission accomplished. Nowadays, Hoe is being used as a salutation, a compliment even. It's common to see girls addressing each other as hoes without ill intent or desire to insult. It's rare to see guys use it on each other outside the usual banter and joke-filled scenarios but it's still considered a misuse of the term. Like drugs, black magic & Soulja Boy, Hoe is a bad thing. It's not a compliment, nor is it praise. Give honour to whom honour is due and Hoedom to who Hoedom deserves.

Evolution & Conclusion
The Evolution of a Hoe is a concept not many researchers have bothered to investigate. It simply focuses on what a Hoe was, is, and will be. The evolution of a Hoe can be determined simply from the woma's track record. For example, that primary school classmate of yours who loved doing "Show me yours and I'll show you mine" during Break time, will probably be the same girl in Secondary school who discovers how many different ways a candle can "light up" her world. She'll probably also be the same one in Uni who's VJJ has more attendants than the library the day before vacation. A habit turns into a character and a character builds a lifestlye. In the end, Hoedom becomes a lifestyle and like Homoerectus became Homosapien, Hoe-trainee becomes Hoe-Director. Same thing for guys, a pervert can be a man-hoe but a man-hoe is not always a pervert. Man-hoes will usually try to conceal their dealings in order not to scare away propestive prey with a bad reputation. However, like fart in crowded elevator, a man-hoe's bad reputation will still spread. The Hoe has not evolved much over the years though, what has evolved are the instruments of Hoedom, a subject which will be discussed in a later post. In conclusion, Hoedom shares a symbiotic relationship with mankind and for as long as we have dick or VJJ (and some have both), Hoes will always exist to offer patronage.


11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! Thanks for enlightening me!
Good read!

Aydee said...

Thank goodness for female hoes!

24yearOldTeEnAgeR said...

I am hereby enlightened

Myne Whitman said...

Guess who's back, lol..

Yinkuslolo said...

ayeeee!
i've missed your posts on blogsville

funny, yet a good read, like always :0

G-FUNC said...

Lol I smh at you as I laugh in kwale, later you go talk sey you no fear when I come threaten you for that twitting bird crib.

Secondly, you see sey people no even comment your post cos everybody don bone your side na, shey na you won form fried rice for tweeter ? * bone sey me dey feel like groupie now *

Anyhow sha when we go get a post on your mama or a commercial *winks*

Cheers dude

Spell checking is for weaklings - Sir Sc....

G-FUNC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
A Girl said...

Thanks be to GOd, according to this, I am not a hoe *dancing BB smiley*



http://obsessive-compulsive-vanity.blogspot.com/

aeedeeaee said...

chai....i feel very educated..

kitkat said...

smh..thanks for defining ho. i've been searching all over for the definition for a while now.

oroque said...

felt guilty as heck reading this...but it was downright hilarious! the concept of "The Hoe"... i'll bear it in mind. :))