Tatafo Today!

Good evening, My name is Robert Scribbles and this is Tatafo today bringing you the world's latest and stale news with a twist. Before we begin we'd like to observe a minute silence for the Premeir league teams Liverpool and Chelsea as once again they have shown that anyone foolish enough opposes Manchester United will be put to sleep by teams of lesser standard and managers with smaller bellies. Now the world's Tatafo....

Singer Leona Lewis was attacked at the book signing for her new autobiography in Piccadilly, London. The attacker screamed the words 'I love you' before punching Miss Lewis in the face. In his defence, the attacker's lawyer claims his client was simply trying to show his appreciation for Miss Lewis's work and he was innocent because he had been misled by Miss Lewis to believe that she bled love. In another press conference Mikey Mouse announced that he too would be launching an autobiography, his exact words were "What could she possibly have seen in life that I haven't"

Victoria Beckham was drafted in as a guest judge on American Idol in place of Paula Abdul and Our sources say she received a £3 million pay deal for her services. In a secret interview which was leaked to Tatafo Today, Posh spice spoke about her amazing figure and when asked to break down her diet for the audience she replied "I take a deep breath every morning"

73 year old Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi has tipped Tony Blair for the EU presidency. In a letter to an Italian newspaper he said that he believed the former prime minister of England had the right credentials for the job and should get the job as soon as legally possible. Silvio Berlusconi has been rifled with several sex scandals varying from allegedly paying protitutes to have parties at his official residences to hiring escorts to have intercourse with him without the use of condoms. Members of the EU have not given an official statement concerning Berlusconi's support for Blair but we at Tatafo Today know that the EU will only consider Berlusconi's suggestion when Osama Bin Laden finally decides to make a rap video.


Statistics show that in Britain a mobile phone is stolen every 12 seconds. We asked Nokia for an official comment and they have assured owners of the 3310 that they have nothing to be worried about.

World footballer of the year Cristiano Ronaldo is currently sidelined due to an ankle injury on his right foot. The right winger cost Real Madrid £80 million and the club subsequently had his legs insured for £90 million. Tatafo Today has confirmed that Ronaldo's girlfriend is not happy with this arrangement because she is required to undertake 6 weeks traning before she is allowed to cuddle or caress her boyfriend and feels the 6 bodyguards which must be present whenever she is giving him a foot massage is an invasion of her privacy.

Thank you for joing us Ladies and Gentlemen, see you again next week. I'm Robert Scribbles signing out for Tatafo Today.