I have an Uncle who drives the most run-down car you've ever seen in your life. The car is so beat-up dat the police give you a trophy if they catch you speeding, it's so beat-up that traffic lights always turn green wen he drives by cos they don't want it hanging around too long, it's so beat-up that Al-Qaeda can't use it for a car bomb cos it's bad PR. So one day Uncle Felix came to the house nd announced he was buying a new car, we were so thrilled ehn, nearly pop champagned for the man. We were all congratulating him when he made another announcement, he said he didn't want to sell the old man but wants to give it to me....YOU GO FEAR NAW! I'd rather ride on London's crowded buses and share MY air with smelly strangers at tube stations than be caught in Uncle Felix's 'embarrasmobile'. Maybe d man feel sey en dey do me favour? Well thanks but no thanks, allow me to dey use leg go supermarket abeg! If I drive that thing for a month it'd be better for me to go gay cos no woman will ever speak to me again, if I drive dat thing to a car wash d attendatns will slap me, If i drive dat thing to church they'll ask d car for a prayer request! Mba! not me oh, my God has bigger things planned for me.
I saw something quite weird a few days ago and I'll let you guys decided wat was really going on. I was walking past a restaurant and I saw this woman hugging a kid by a car. It was a very intimate hug nd it just seemed weird. She had was squatting, rubbing his back nd then slowly she reached down, grabbed d boys butt nd squeezed it...YOU GO FEAR NAW! You know d way Kanye hugs nd grabs Amber? yeah like dat! that's how dis woman was grabbing this kid. At this point the only thing I cud hear 4rm my earphones was static, my jaw nearly fell from my face, I just stood there staring as this woman as she continued grabbing and sqeezing this boy's pre-school butt. It's not like he was a dwarf or something oh, dis one na confirmed pikin so abeg somebody help me explain this cos d weirdness of it all is quite confusing. Didn't know whether to call d police or R Kelly's therapist...Oooooh snap!!!!