a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Saturday, 8 August 2009

What if we were all straight?

06:00 Posted by Sir Scribbles 23 comments
So you've read the title and thot to yourself "Well Robby is going to talk about how the world wud be a better place if we were all heterosexuals" right?...Well no! Ha! Take ur Homophobic fantasies and huddle up with the Republicans and Conservatives cos my frontyard isn't big enuf to accomodate a mob of protesting gay pple. Imagine how easy this life wud be if we were all honest, imagine how much wahala wud be avoided by simply being straight with each other. Imagine a world were all of mankind was forced to be straight with each other,

Politics wud be so much easier cos instead of lying to us throughout the campaign period candidates wud just bluntly tell us what their real agenda is "If you elect me to be your president I can assure and reassure you that I will suck this country dry and while you have no electricity to power ur house for at least 2hrs a week and proper healthcare is absolutely inaccessible to the average citizen I will use the embezzled money to build an empire of illegitimate children, irresponsible legitimate children and truckloads of expenisve traditionall outfits which may make me look ordinary but are really expenisve enough to cover up all d potholes in Lagos and Kaduna."
If we were all striaght with each other North Korea cud simply come out and tell us "Look here, we've heard wat South Korea and Japan have been saying bout us and just cos we don't have as many restaurants abroad like d chinese doesn't mean y'all can run ur mouth infront of the UN so we are investing in nuclear weapons in a bid to take over the world and destroy every single chinese restaurant our nuclear warheads can locate as well as Japanese Sushi bars and the whole of North Korea simply for fun d of it.

In a completely straight world Osama wud probably have to confess that the reason why he hates America so much is cos wen he was a sophmore in an american Uni. he got kicked out of the school volleyball team cos he kept trippin on his beard.

Relationships wud be sooo much easier wudn't they? A man wud walk up to you at the train station and instead of complimenting ur skirt wat he'd really say was "My my! I wud really like to grab that, may i grope u on d train as we proceed to our various destinations?". Instead of changing her walk from a simple stroll to a strut everytime she walks past ur desk that very suggestive female colleague wud simply send u a memo detailing how ur nicely fitted shirt and tailored pants make certain aspects of ur masculinity hard to resist and working late tonight would be more productive for both of you than the company.

In a completely straight world, there wud be no anonymous bloggers wud they? I don't think so, Anonymous blogging wud be a crime and we'd all have to turn our blogs into mini-facebook profiles...then again in a straight world some bloggers wud have no need for blogging cos they'd be able to say what they wanted to say, to who they wanted to say it to, about whatever they felt like saying and this wud mean that in a straight world the Police would be looking for a tall Igbo dude who is wanted for attacking Barney the Dinosaur and the Teletubbies in addition to an attempted bombing of Sesame street.


Rene said...


nameless said...


Rene said...

When i started reading, I thought to myself that if we were all straight life would be better.....maybe that was the second tot, the first was...this ibo boy self!see me thinking he was going to talk about heteroawesome people.

nameless said...

lol! i think i like dis world just fine :P it wud be so wierd tho.. if everyone were honest

Rene said...

final conclusion: I prefer the fact that the world isn't straight. I like second guesses, i love blogger and even being anonymous. Just the thought of blogger becoming a mini-Facebook profile....ewww!
lol @ Osama reason....he kept tripping on his beards.

TaioFierce Ameen said...

My first tot was actually that u were going to talk bout all non-straight pple.......lol...If we were all honest d world would be very freaky nd filled wiv many goody 2 shoes....lol

Bubbles said...

I loved this
for reals.!

I liked the part
about Osama tripping on his beard
I can so see that happening..

I don't think the world
should be straight doe
we need liars to make us
appreciate the truth more..

we need wars and terrorist
to make us understand that
we need to value our lives
and the world we live in
is very very unstable

that's what I think


Gee said...

im still not first??
me don tire to race for this first thing oo..

Gee said...

oh yessss politics will be soooooooo much easier...especially in that nigeria!!!

Neo said...

@ Bubbles, ditto.

The only balance we can have in this world is if the weights at either side are level. i think lying, omission or holding back is second nature to us and askin us to change now would be like saying "Okay walk with ur hands and eat through ur nose" We wouldnt know how, cos it was never that way.

chayoma said...

i was waiting for heteroawesome talk, wetin i get... STRAIGHT talk.
Osama tripping on his beard. too funny

ManCee said...

Ol boy, the world go scatter o.Simply put.
Lol @ anon bloggers; what! then we cant use blog names like 'nameless', 'nice anon', 'anon'?

UnderCover07 said...

If the world were straight, I'd tell one Ibo boy called Scribbles dat......*Oops! the world isn't straight*

If the world were straight, it'll be waaaaay crazier than it already is. Cos then there'll be way too much freedom. And u knw we humans once we get drunk on freedom, wahala don burst be dat.

Suru said...

This is my first time on your blog and I think I'm gonna be addicted because I like the way you think and that's me being straight lol ps check out my blog

Anonymous said...

i think that if everybody was straight....this world will be too predictable and boring...and bia ewu a...biko you cant ask me my name so just....wats the point of annonymousity?

Anonymous said...

Lol what an incredibly boring world that would be, and err perverted as well. You this Sir Scribbs ehn, just be looking for easier ways to get girls eh.

Plus the anonymous bloggers thing, aren't you anonymous?? if you become "not anonymous" I'm sure some people would follow suit..;)

BSNC said...

I am glad its not straight. i feel you on saying what we want to say because our annonymousity although i am not really annonymous, a couple of peeps know me already.

Ms. Dufa said...

If we were all straight, life would pretty much very boring...There wouldn't be the task of finding out the person behind the person.

I totally agree with bubbles.

Lol@Osama and Anon Bloggers. Without the anonymity behind blogging, there are so many things I'll be unable to say.

Ebony~!* said...

Everything has an advantage and a disadvantage, if the world was to be straight, we would not appreciate it how we ought to. But again seeing as it is not, we learn and grow and wish for a better place.

CultureCynic said...

if we were all straight....i will choose to be crooked.....cant draw inside the line for the life of me.if we were all straight, life will be illuminated...media oulets will have noone to scare, ur parents will finally own up to the idea that as smart as they are they dont know everything....if we were all straight, alot more people will be gay becuase we wldnt have people pretending to be straight when they are really gay,
if we were all straight, people may actually stop deluding themselves and use their brain...alot of things in life go unsaid, alot of thoughts in life get supressed all becasue we all live in a world where sameness is prefered.
straigt will free mankind from mental lziness and ignorance. haters might actually get a real job in a straight world.

P'sy-A-wana said...

yh you'd probably get a slap for all ur troubles lol...sides its so much fun putting people on trips, you know small stuvz

ManCee said...

CCynic sounds pissed off.

Buttercup said...

Lol it'll be a much more crazier world! *shudders*