Yeah I know...I don mad finish

When I dey naija dancing was easy, I wasn't an awesome dancer o, I wasn't one of those dudes who pulled moves that made pple gather in a circle around them but dancing was relatively easy for me. I was either dancing d' Yahoozee or some other personal conconction of mine. So imagine how I felt when I reach jand and after spending a few weeks in skool I am socially required to learn how to Skank both migraine-wise and tribally and do the head shoulders knees and toes dance. When I dey primary skool I knew exactly how to dance to the "Head shoulders Knees and Toes" song cos the tempo was alot slower and Mr. Hassan had a big bamboo stick to motivate us (Mr. Hassan, the Devil's right hand man sent to earth to flog primary 3green students like sey we theif en Kunu). Now they've turned that sweet nursey song into something my brain and my joints can't assimilate and let me not even start wiv the skanking cos I only got as far as touching my head nd my heels...every other step after that was lost in translation.

Wiv d way technology is going I think I have a fairly vivid image of the future we are heading towards. Something in the nearest future, Microsoft, which will then be called Scibblesoft, will design virtual women whose sole purpose in life is to operate based on songs by the Ying Yang twins...*wide grin* They'll come wiv settings like "To the window", "To the wall", "To the sweat drip down my *bleep*...

Can you just imagine how much nookie the first men to invent pickup lines would have gotten? Sure pickup lines are cliched now but imagine the effect they had centuries ago. I can imagine some dude in 19BC sights one fiiiine babe of Camelot and the following convo follows:

19BC lucky bastard: Hey, what art poppin?

Cammy chick: Nothin mucheth, Tis just me chillineth

19BC lucky bastard: So whateth tis a fair maiden like thyself doin in a place such as this?

Cammy chick: Well sir, I have found mineself chillingeth wiv my maidenfriends, tis a maiden's night out we are havingeth

19BC lucky bastard: Tis quite interesting, I was wondering, can thee give me directions to thine heart cos I seemeth to have lost mine way in thine eyes

Cammy chick: OOOH cease that kind sir, fair praises will get thee nowhere wiv mineself. Tis in my opinion thou sayest that to all the maidens of camelot

19BC lucky bastard: On the contrary I hath sayeth this in truth and if thou was to blesseth me with thine touch I can proclameth to mine comrades that an angel hath touched me

Cammy chick: Tis quite a soothing tongue thou hath, meeteth me at No. 3 excalibur street and this fair maiden shall showeth thee the vile and unholy things that are possible wiv it.

Therefore:
Scribbles law of coitus: (SS+P) * TT = ∞NK as long as P remains constant
where SS= Sir Scribbles
P=Pickup lines
TT= Time travel
∞NK= Unlimited Nookie

Read More

No more play play....

*serious face* Oya everybody look sharp! Put on ur thinking caps and if you don't have one you can rent one 4rm Leggy or CC cos it's time to brainstorm!! We no dey play 4 here oh! I have a few observations and would like ur logical inferences please...dis na serious matter so no smiling.

Abeg can someone explain to me why Sesame street as been lying to us for decades? How? The Cookie monster is how! He never really eats the cookies does he? NO! he pretend sto eat them but just breaks them into lil pieces and litters them all over the floor. I just realised the cookie monster is all talk and no game, he's got no cookie munching skills and it saddens me to think millions of kids and adults believe he's got some insatisiable craving for cookies when he's nothing to show for it. Sure he talks a big game but no one can handle that many calories...no one!!

I have a new follower and as is the normal tradition I went over to hers to say hi and all dat, a few minutes after arriving at hers I knew something was different. I'd like y'all to take a stroll over to Calc Musings and see if you can figure out what's going on there. I tried to form smart pikin and decipher her many "unique" musings but it reminded me of a riddle I saw on Yinkuslolo's blog....the one I so cofidently ran away 4rm. I really want to leave a comment there but I was afraid of sounding either like an iliterate or an ignorant sycophant. But make nobody go comment first on any post there ooo...I've got dibs on all of them shey una dey hear me so?!!

I've noticed something very disturbing, dis time it's not about transsexuals o! It's name is SKINNY JEANS. If I ever wear a pair of skinny jeans I'd like u all to revoke my blogsville pass and ban me and my children 4rm ever scribbling again. Funny enuf it looks good on some dudes (can't belive I just said that...sounds sooooo gay) but as for me and my thighs we will serve the roomy pants thank you. I've got a friend who wears dem on d regular and weneva i walk down the street wiv him I can see pple straing at both of us nd knowing british folk this is wat they'd be thinkin "Effin' puffs, walk down our street will you? Oi!, gets ur soding, spear chucking, rear ending selves off our street!!!"

To the ladies in the house, if you have an older brother ehn and he's being overbearing, overprotecting nd a general pain in the posterior I have a solution for you...it's called Deal wiv it cos that's how we were designed. Why do u make it hard for us to be overprotective sef, it's hard enough to do without y'all having cloak and dagger boyfriends around but y'all just want to make d job even more tasking don't you? Why i ask why? I have a sister, just one, no replacement o, just one, God hasn't sure I could handle multiple so he gave me one sister..sue me 4 wanting to blind any half-wit who tries to hit on her...especially wiv pick up lines....infact don't sue me, jail me cos homicide is inevitable.

Barney the dinosaur obviously has pedophilic tendencies, it's either that or he's gay and for those of you who just thot "How could Robby say that?" well I've got gist for you, obeservations, facts and some friggin ingenius guesses as well. When next you see the purple creature ask him this, how come he wears purple all the time wiv a hint of lemon green to ginger things up? I'm no paleontologist but I have a fairly vivid picture of what dinosaurs look like, they have hard rigid skin not soft purply highly exfoliated skin, they have long fangs and monstrous sized canines not Dr. 90210 chisled molars and they don't sing love songs to lil' kids. Shey Barney didn't see his mate Godzilla, Godzilla wasn't even a dinosaur, she was just a lizard who drank too much fermented Kaikai. The last evidence of Barney's child-loving traits was hiding in plain sight and this one no be the Da Vinci code, at the beginning of every show Barney is "small" then wen the kids come to play he grows "bigger" then when they leave he gets "small" again....u don't need Dan Brown to tell you that at some point during the "I love you" sing aloud/serenade Barney, the prehistoric R-Kelly, had a "Dinogasm".

Read More

Boys will be boys...nd vice versa

A few days ago I was watching Larry King live and he had some transvestites abi na transexuals as guests. There was one lady who had done all the operations and now looked like a guy and there was another dude who'd had just a few operations nd looked kinda like a woman but still had visible male features. Anyway it got me thinking (not about having an operation ooooo lol), it's evident the number of pple who are "confused" about thier sexuality is increasing and more people are having these sex change operations yearly. A question that struck me was "how do they define being straight and gay now?" Okay I like girls, I'm straight right? yes! A guy who likes guys is gay right? yes! But if a guy, who thinks he should be a woman has these operations and becomes a women and likes guys is he gay or straight biko? Abi he's straight physically but gay mentally? (same applies for ladies as well). In my opinion only gay pple have sex changes cos if you are straight I doubt there'd be any need to change d way you look. After the show paranoia waylaid me and I wondered if in about a decades time straight men won't be able to distinguish between those born as women and those who made themselves women. You know what else scared the crap out of me? A scenario where I'd meet this lovely girl and we'd be all into each other and stuff and then after a few weeks she'd tell me she use to be a guy...if na you wetin u go do? Make I no lie u ehn...I WILL RUN...no be small running ooh! I go run like small pikin wey see Ojuju!! Screw loyalty and equal rights and all that other stuff I will run like Usian Bolt on blow I tell you! If u r a chick and you've met this charming dude who seems to know exactly what to say and when to say it and then he tells you he use to be a chick b4 he got the operation wat wud u do? Shey u go like stay abi? maybe u wud and maybe u wudn't but my take on the whole issue is that if God stuck you in his "creationotron" and pushed the "Girl" button only for you to get to earth and question his infinite wisdom then count me out cos that's like saying he made a mistake isn't it? E better ma I vex you than the Big G biko!!

Read More

143

143 =I love you
143ers =I love you users

It's like I'm a double agent now, on one side I am a woman lover and on the other side I am divulging our secrets to the enemy camp...I am so getting kicked out of the Organisation for this....VIVA LA RESISTANCE!!!!!!!

The three most powerful words any guy can throw at you are "I love you". It shows the potency of a guy's feelings and the intensity of his ambition to land you...depending on what he is after. There are three types of guys who use it:

• The traditional lover

• The Oblivious sucker

• The Determined Shagger

The traditional lover will use these words when he truely believes his emotions have surpassed words like "I like you" and "I'm crazy about you". The amount of time it will take the traditional lover to mature into using these words depends on factors like relationship history, past experiences/responses, number of exs it has created, and other internal constraints like shyness, timidity and fear. Therefore, the gestation period b4 this declaration varies and some 143ers may blurt out the words after a few weeks, some a few seconds after meeting you for the first time and some after 3 years of dating. It is difficult to actually analyse and grade the mentality of the traditional lover because some women feel that by saying "I love you" just 30 seconds after meeting her means the dude is crazy while some believe it to be an act of pure honesty and waiting for a chunk of months to roll by before saying it is just a waste of time and a mundane protocol. The traditonal lover leaves a perilous life and though his options wiv women should typically be varied he is advised to stick to the sensitive Lady/female traditional lover because trying to relay his feelings to a woman of less "tradionality" increases uncertainity nd the probabilty of failure.

The Oblivious sucker is very easy to identify and wasting a whole paragraph describing him will annoy both you and me so I'll just say this, he does not know the meaning of the word, it's a fad to him, a cliche, a protocol, a requirement, not an obligation but something he thinks is required of him. He says it to either get the girl or keep the girl and in most cases he loses the girl cos he doesn't take into consideration the core factors like emotions and gestation periods...the oblivious sucker usually lands the naive girl cos together they can live out the saying "Ignorance is bliss"

The determined shagger needs no introduction, he's ambitious, sometimes crafty, wants wat's in ur pants and will do wateva it takes to get it. "I love you" is merely a means to an end for him. There will be no problem using these words and they will flow out of his lips like water from a fountain. The more tactful ones will have tried every other trick in the book to move ur panties southward and when all else fails the big 143 guns will be his last resort and frustration and hormones will leave him no choice than to aim for ur head at point blank range. Ladies if you find urself in the clutches of a determined shagger and he has pulled out his 143 pistol on you shooting to kill then you should b proud of urself. Raise ur head high and strut ur stuff because wateva it is u r hiding 4rm him he is ready to do anything to get it. The determines shagger is ruthless, cunning and blunt at the same time, he is not afraid of the consequences 143 may bring as long as he gets to paly Tomb Raider if you know what I mean. The determined shagger has a variety of choices when it comes to women, he can land the Naive girl, the Horny mama, the sensitive lady, the easily canjoled and in circurmstances where the guy is very skilled and expericed he may even land a female traditional lover so ladies you cannot be warned enough.

Now I have to go into witness protection lol.

Read More

Beasts in our midst

This post is an aftermath of my english exam, remember the friggin english exam my skool had me apply for? Well I've done it and it went pretty well even though my interviwer seemed so surprised a nigerian could speak fluent english, he even asked if he had Universities in Nigeria...nearly slit his throat wiv my leer. Anyway, after the exaa I strolled into WHSmith and came across a book that ressurected an immense disgust in me. You know I have come to realise? I have concluded that sane, compassionate people will never truely understand the twisted nature of abominable men who act with utter vileness. I'd felt this same disgust a few months back when I heard this story for the first time and now, staring at his picture again, my mind began to regurgitate revulsion making me feel sick emotinionally and physically all over again. To make matters worse I actually started remembering other people who'd shown a special kind of wickedness in their time and I realised something else, the most dangerous people aren't the ones who can be publicly identified and you can point a finger at and say "There's an animal right there", the most dangerous ones are the ones who hide in plain site inconspicuously and discreetly carrying out their acts of evil, the ones who are on the queue wiv u at the supermarket, the ones who sit opposite you on the bus, the ones who walk past you on the street looking so plain and ordinary that you won't believe they've imprisoned and raped their own daughther for a qurater of a century....the ones like Josef Fritzl.

I've come across alot of vile things, heard about men and women who behave like animals and trat others likewise. No doubt some familiar names will pop into your mind...You say Hitler, I say Anini, He says Indi amin and she says Ted Bundy. However, it takes a special kind of evil to hurt family in a way that's this depraved and beastly. I know this story is a bit old now, it happended last year I think and the media has done a good job in keeping us informed but just standing there in the aisle staring at his picture on the cover of this book made me wonder how his mind worked. Josef Fritzl locked his daughter up in the cellar of their house for 25 years constantly toturing and raping her. If you are not familiar wiv this story and just read this paragraph you'll realise that this didn't happen long ago at a time when "BC" preceeded dates, It went on for 25 years and was uncovered just last year. I am not a fan of the death penalty, I believe killing a man as punishemnt for a crime is actually commiting a crime on some intangible level and the life of some people, commited to wrong doing as they may be, should rest only in the judgement of God...however I am willing to look the other way when it comes to Josef Fritzl and his disregard for humanity because a mere prison cell will be an immense act of kindness to him. His daughter had seven children for him, and the ones who survived are marred for life. What will you call them now? their mother is the daughter of their grandfather who's actually their father...a family tree that is sure to mess anyone up psychologically.

Sometimes we don't appreciate love, friendship, prosperity and comfort but when you hear stories like this you cannot help but wonder that among us, the seemingly normal people, with friends who care for us, families who love us and lives worth living, there are still beasts hunting the innocent and imposing evil of unimaginable proportions on people who do not derserve it and they do so in d corners where our curiousity may never lead us allowing them to wear the disguise of normality in our midst hiding their wickedness in plain sight. They say we are all animals...well some are are more animal than others.

Read More

Uncles in the building....

I haven't told you guyz about the numerous Uncles I have in London have I? No I don't think so. Well I have a variety of official and unofficial Uncles in london. Name it I have it, d devoted family man and the cold-blooded Don Juan, The Rich tycoon and the Supermarket Security guard,The sanctimonious hoax and the non chalant miscreant, every every dey my house. I told you guyz that I use to help one of my friends (whose actually an Uncle) out in his club b4 d whole thing dabaru. Well dis story revolves around dat club...try to keep up abeg

Uncle BB was opening a club at Aldgate east and he just wanted to hook his nephew up wiv one of the few jobs where you can combine business and pleasure wivout worrying about a lawsuit lol. Uncle E, who I live wiv, decided he'd come along wiv me to the opening night of the club just to check the place out wiv me and give me his approval. Uncle ED told Uncle KY about the opening and Uncle KY decided to tag along cos Uncle BB said he'd allow us to go in free and we'd get free drinks cos we were family (didn't reall matter to me cos coke nd Redbull don't cost much). Uncle KY and ED mentioned the opening night to Uncle NA who's wife didn't like the idea of her husband going to a club but she caved in after d others promised he'd behave himself. Now Uncle ED, KY and NA were all coming to Uncle BB's club opening wiv me.

It's friday night and I'm getting ready to leave wiv Uncle ED wen he gets a call and after the usual male grunting nd hollaring he tells me that Uncle HD and RM will be joing us at the club. I tire 4 Igbo men oh, once dem hear free entry and drinks dem go line up like sey na Visa dem dey share. We stop at Uncle NA's place and we take his car, pick up Uncle KY and set out for the club. On d way he's telling us about some dude who got caught watching porn nd jacking off in their office and was fired, Uncle ED replied saying the women at his office must look like really ugly if men had to start bringing porn to work. Unlce NA is a semi-lunatic and as he was driving we approached a very long stretch of road and he decided to give his speedometer cramps. Like I said, he's a lunatic and the only thing that made him stop was Uncle KY threatening to call his wife if he continued being a bad boy lol. We arrive at the club and Uncles RM and HD were waiting for us so we all went in together....I hope I haven't lost you all wiv all these initials cos it's essential I keep them anonymous...those men will kill me if they find out I am snitching.

Uncle BB's club wasn't that bad, I scoped the place out and it was pretty decent sha, a few hours later I was standing in a corner bobbing my head to Keri Hilson and T-pain's "Turning me on" and surveying the dancefloor wen I notice something very odd, they're all older than me, male, female, every single person in the club looked older than me. I suddenlyt felt out of place for a while, then I glanced over to Uncle ED and he's just sitting there drinking and behaving himself, Uncle NA was dancing alone doing wat looked like a semi harlem shake, he saw me staring at him and suggested I come and join him...as if I'm going to dance wiv my 40something year old Uncle. Uncle RM offers me something I normally wudn't drink...I don't think he understands why I said No lol. HD was at the bar talking to Uncle BB, probably asking if he cud get free entry every friday...bloody cheapskate lol. One person was missing though, I looked around for Uncle KY, he was nowhere to be found, not at the bar...or on the dancefloor...nowhere. My phone rang, it was her, I went outside to take d call nd as I reached the entrance I glanced into a lil cubicle on my right nd there was Uncle KY...wiv a companion...doing some touchy touchy...I stared at them curiously amused and then went to take d call...VIP get levels!

So I'm on d phone outside wen someone taps me on the shoulder, I turn around and Uncle KY walks past me using one hand to signal he's going home and the other to firmly grasp the waist of his companion...there's no doubt his hands will be doing more work that night. Uncle KY had just hooked up b4 my very eyes, I will so blackmail his ass ehn..let him come to the house nd talk to me about facing my books nd leaving girls alone again...haven't seen him since that day sha. At the end of the night Uncle RM and Hd were drunk like flies in a beer can. Uncle BB drove them home and we got dropped off by Uncle NA who didn't faill to give us a thrilling speech about all the booty you miss wen you get married...nd I he falls into the Devouted Husband category I shit you not.

Read More

Spoof Ad #1

Are you a blogger? Do you have a blog? Do you like blogging? If you've answered yes to any of these questions then you must realise the need to come up with new interesting issues to talk about on your blog. Bloggers block is one of the most frustrating afflictions a blogger can face and can turn even the most frequently updated blogs to a heap of stale sticky-notes, unimaginative drafts and mundane manuscripst. Statistics show that 1 in 2 bloggers are affected by bloggers block every month which accounts for almost half of the blogsvile population....but we have the answer. If you liked RAZZ-BE-GONE and VIRTUAL MAMA 2000 then you'll looooove NUTRABLOG.!!! The protein drink of true bloggers. Say no to bloggers block, dull drafts and lacklustre comments, one sip of this refreshing protein drink and you'll be typing, posting, updating, reading and commenting on multiple posts whether brief or long like a true blogging champion. Nutrablog was initially developed by the military for soldiers who found it hard to communicate after sustaining injuries which impaired hearing, talking and all-round mental activity. The protein nanoschyzems get to work fast on ur cerebral transneuralators increasing ur blogability by a factor of 200 and gives your fingeriscular muscles the extra push they need to type fast enough to keep up with ur increased cerebro-processing. Order now at bloginpower@nutrablog.org and the first 10 people wil be automatically entered into our "Concert entrance competition" where you stand the chance of winning unlimited free entry to a concerts of your favourite artist via Youtube. Also visit our website www.nutrablogistheshit.com for more information on how to apply for our special raffle draws and Summer bonanzas.

NUTRABLOG
"nurishing the blogger, enriching lives."

(Minor side-effects: Dizziness, minor cyber-hallucinations, irregular bowel movement, sporadic posting and gibberish grammar, minor epileptic fits and spontaneous muscle spasms. Do not exceed personal intuative prescription)

Read More

Online Ettiquette Part II

I have a few observations...may sound biased...think what you like...turn back now if you are not open minded nd ready to read a long ass post

I was talking to this chick one day and a friend of hers joined us. We hadn't met b4 so I was polite, greeted and continued the discussion wiv my friend, she joined in the conversation and we were all just having a good chat together. I find out dis friend of mine just got on FB so wen I got home I sent her a request and in a moment of absolute naivety and innocence I sent her friend one as well. I meant well you know, no strings attached...c'mon it's Scribbles we are talking about here, wud I resort to such mundane tactics to chase a chick...I doubt it. It was just a simple gesture to someone I thot was rational enough to accept based on our nice conversation earlier, It was an innocent request....that lasted 2 months. I swear she didn't accept it or reject it, I know cos after about a week I was curious enough to check nd see that it still said "friend requested". I use to check it and pray she'd ignored it cos at that point I just felt like I'd made a very big mistake, making myself seem...needy. It just felt insulting that she left my request unattended, I saw this girl almost every week, we even talked sef but I'm a proud man and asking a chick to accept my request is just not in my repertoire. After a while I forgot about the request and a couple of days back it just crossed my mind again and I went back to check it and she had rejected it....I was sooooo friggin happy that you won't believe!!! It felt like a huge stone had been lifted off my shoulders, like I'd just salvaged my dignity. I hated having a friend request wiv my name on it just lying there in her profile like a trophy of some sort...then I started thinking and realised something very interesting, Whether you like it or not, Facebook is a way of turning human beings into memorablia, No? b4 facebook did you know the exact number of friends you had? or the exact number of friends they had? I don't think so...except you were a very lonely person...dat one I can understand lol. The trophy counting nature of Facebook is evident in every profile that belongs to a chick on, How? Let me ask you chicks this question? Don't lie oh....you all have about 10+ unanswered friend requests on ur profile lol...yeah I'm talking to you! Chicks keep unaswered friend requests like they're certificates or achievements, like d more they have the tighter the profile. Now I may be making a very uninformed generalisation here and I apologise to the chicks who may feel offended that they have been included in this generalisation but a friend of mine has 64 unanswered requests, another one has 34...even my sister has about 74...wat r u guyz using them 4 biko? Is there a competition going on in the online female community, abi it's just for personal gratification? Milestones perhaps? Why can't y'all simple reject the requests and save Mark Zukerberg's servers some space. I know some creeps like to randomly send requests but that's why Marky boy put the big ignore button right next to the accept button. Am I bitter? Far from it, I simply made an observation and I'm letting you know.

On the other hand I really don't blame you people for not accepting every request that comes your way. It pains and annoys me whenever a chick, my sis for instance, tells me of some random guy who added her on FB nd attached a very weird message to the request. I think some Dudes just type names in the search box nd then randomly start adding chicks who they think are either fine enuf to associate with or thick enough to succumb to the very poorly constructed introductory messgaes they attach.
Thanks to some of the chicks I know I've be able to read some very funny, weird nd unimaginative wall posts and friend request messages and looking back at the beginning of this sentence I doubt there's anything to be thankful for cos I may complain that tactless innovations like cheesy pick up lines are killing the chatting up spirit nd making the process monotonous for the more imaginative niche of the male specie but when these frail attempts at meeting chicks spills over to the online community the bleakness of the process for the creative social networker is undeniable and we may have to resort to more unconventional means to simply say "Hello"

...just re-read this...it does sound biased doesn't it...oh well....

Read More

Scribblenation: In all its random glory

I noticed I haven't really made one of my trademark "Scribblenation" post in a while, all this relationship analysis, Love Hypothesis nd Organistion treachery is making me too...static...BRING ON THE RANDOMNESS!!!!

I have this theory you know, Scribble's Law states that in terms of physical appearance every chick is directly proportional to her blog as long as posts, comments and articulation remain constant. i.e. FB=B*k
where FB=Fine Babe
B= Blog
k=posts*comments*articulation (all constant)
I have done my research nd all the Blogsville chicks I know, anonymous here or otherwise have proved this theory..which is a law now come to think of it, In ur face E=MC^2....I'm clearing space on my book shelf where I'll keep my Noble peace price.

I've never really liked Indian films...abi Bollywood productions (political correctness nd all). I think they are a bit monotonous. Usually about two pple (who btw walk around wiv random playlist in their heads). They both love each other, they want to get married, their parents never agree nd want her to marry some Crime lord of Gang leader and then they sing about it for half of the movie....explain to me how running round dat tree in the park will help solve ur problems...time wasted in my opinion. If they both sat down nd had a brainstorming session I'm sure they'd come up wiv the plan to elope much faster ...at least it wudn't take them 3hrs of to do it nd we'd be done wiv d movie in an hour topz lol. Imagine sitting in a park enjoying the breeze nd soaking up the sun when suddenly random uninterpretable music starts to play nd you see two adults running round a tree in front of you singing along to the song....don't lie...you'd think they were off their rocker!!!!

Technology is getting stalker friendly you know, In the "crazy stalker starter kit" you've got binoculars, cameras, chlorofoam nd a twitter page..how else can you explain the concept of Twitter? Their tagline is "follow me on Twitter" what other way do u think a stalker earns his due and gets off? By following ofcourse!! Follow me on Twitter nd u shall know what I'm doing, where I am doing it nd in some cases who I am doing it wit....Stalkers don't even have to leave their houses anymore, all they need is Firefox, Broadband connection nd a twitter profile

Saw my aunt wiv this Avon magazine that had a caption on d cover "look up to five years younger in 14 days". Apparently the scientists at Avon have cracked the code for rejuvination or maybe they've managed to locate the foutain of youth. By my calculations, if you are 40 nd you use this cream for 2 weeks you'll look 35 yes? nd if you are 26 and you use this cream for a month you'll look 16 right? Which means if you are 60 and you use this cram for half a year you will have sperm for a face...

If you read yahoo news then I'd like to ask you a question, you know how they list the headlines on the page right?...is it just me or is Obama stuck in a wahala free twilight zone? I know he's got issues to sort out and all but anytime I glance at the headlines on Yhaoo news it's always in this order:

~Plane crash kills 120....
~Gunman opens fire in crowded restaurant
~Isreal threathen to retaliate with counter strike
~Obama plays PS3 wiv Children in Ghana on HD TV

lol...okay maybe I exagerrated a bit, he plays the ps3 on a normal TV lol...doesn't mean they don't have HD in Ghana oh...cos una wey like scandal will just start rumours dat Sir Scribbles thinks Ghana ain't got HD...

If you are not kicking it wiv THE SIMS 3 right now you are on a looooon thing. Wen I went to Leeds I realised I wasn't d only one who'd be captured by this ingenious bundle of computer programming, there's notin more romantic than two pple lying on a bed together living there lives through a computer generated representation of themselves...OMG I've said too much lol....I love The SIMS mehn!

Read More

It's a Dating job but someone's got to do it....

Do u realise how mentally strenuous dating is? The whole processw is like a Job interview from start to finish. Let us compare the two processes, Dating and Job hunting

Job application: You see dis potential "employer" you think you fit the job description, you size up the benefits and propects and think you can handle the responsibility and meet the requiremnets so you send in your CV. Some Employers have been serioulsy understaffed and they set up an interview immediately. However, some employers handle a lot of applications daily and so it may take a while and a bit of luck to get the call-back and the invitation for an interview. Before you get the call back you are tense and anxious, you think they've forgotten about you, you want to call them and remind them but you think it's too soon, you think they've thrown your CV in d Bin and you want to email them and ask if they still remember you, You are scared they've tucked ur application under the growing pile of candidates but you don't want to come off too strong so you hold ur peace...waiting...anxious.

The interview: What do you wear? what if you don't impress the employer? what if they don't like your CV? should you use cologne? The interview is one of the most nerve wrecking moments of self evalution and pretence you will ever go through. It's just you and intended employer and this is where they find out what you are really worth. Some pple lie here, some project exactly what they are worth while some simply fluster. It's not an interrogation but ur heart rate sometimes says otherwise. In your mind you are reviewing the job description and the potential benefits of landing the job and you'll do anything to impress the employer. Some employers will be very impressed wiv your presentation and you'll land an employement letter immdiately after the interview but some may need more time to scrutinize you so you'll be shorlisted for further assessment.

The second interview: Employers usually set up a second interview if theythey didn't go out wiv you or give you nookie after the first interview. The Second Interview is less tense but even more important, now you are getting closer to being hired and you can feel it. You smile a lot more, you feel less threatened by the assessment board and for those of you who are very confident you know that when you walk out of the room you'll either get an employemnt letter or one hell of a recommendation.

The employment letter: The official confirmation that you are in association wiv d employer, this may be on a contract basis ranging 4rm a one night stand to an open relationship or on an indefinite basis wiv the lifespan of ur contract based on your performance on the job and your ability to deliver on the promises you made in the interview stages. The employement letterwill describe yoru job role once again, the things expected of you and what the employer will do for you in return.

Your career: Now your career is based on the details in employement letter and can last between one night of meaningless passion to a lifetime of marital bliss/torture depending on ur work environemnt. Career progression is also a factor some employers will offer and you can go 4rm merely a platonic friendship to an intimate relationship and onwards. Employees are varied in nature, some pple work freelance and aren't tied down to one employer, some pple just can't take the pressure of the work environment and quit altogether while some build a career through diligence, hard work and understanding. In summary, we are all employees and employers in one way or the other, some are unemployed, some employed, some understaffed and some sacking, some working away 4rm headquarters and some working freelance and like every work environment dating and relationships can bite you in the posterior or be the most pleasurable thing in your life if you work for the right company.

Read More

To Tweet or not to Tweet...dat is the question

It's been on my mind for a very long time now, I am not one to fall prey to peer pressure but this was simply getting out of hand....

I kno wdis feeling,I 've felt this way b4, about a year ago, I was young then, naive, ignorant, they enticed me wiv promises of connecting wiv friends old and new, they said it wud change my life and I'd never be tortured by boredom ever again. I showed little resistance then and so I fell into the gaping abyss of social networking...It took me 10 months to get clean...this time I'm older and much wiser....and also curious...

I decided to find out what the whole ruckus was about. I wasn't going to indulge in anything, I was just going to take a stroll past the site and see watz up, purely out of curiosity nothing more. The set up wasn't too exciting, nothing to draw you in. A bird perched on a leafless brach silent and staring back at me. I felt strong willed enough to simply walk past the open gate and check out the interior of this dullin site. I clicked past the Get "Strated-Join" sign...

I was face to face with the most alluring invitation I've ever seen in my online life, I have clicked and navigated through the valleys and deserts of cyberspace and have never come across a more inviting suggetion....they gave me five simple parttions...Name, Username, password, email and below all this, looking as non-chalant as possible, as if my acceptance or rejection wud mean nonthing to them was the big green hand stretched out to welcome me and tatooed across it was "create ur account".....

My will was slowly wavering...I ran out clicking...navigating as far away as possible...I ended up on fmylife.com....Twitter won't get me yet!

Read More

The Morrasuckers of our Organisation...

Ladies and Gentlemen I have chosen to enlighten you once again. This time I will take you back in time, back to the foundation of our organisation's many operations. I will give you insight into the great minds that invented the cores of our methods and I hope you realise the sheer genius and stupidity behind some of these innovations. LOL...it was actually fun writing this you know, I'm going to get kicked out of the organisation very soon wiv d way I'm going.

Whoever invented this must have been one friggin conceited Morrascuker the "Make her jealous" tactic is usually employed by the immature, egotiscal members of our organisation and involves using another chick as a makeshift bling or a prop in order to make you jealous enough to ignore the fact that if you are truly worth it he wud have commited the time and effort he used to employ this tactic and just chase you the right way biko. See ehn if he can give you space, hunt for another particually insignificant woman, deceive her into thinking she's all dat and he wants her just so that he can make you jealous enough for him to free that chick and come back to begin the flirting, asking out and courting process wiv you then you have to conclude that there's a lot of resource wasting going on. All dat scheming and time wasting can just be invested in chasing the heck out of ur ass till u agree cos u were beginning to see his face in the toilet bowl wen u go to handle ur biz lol.

This one was actually invented by our Deaf and Dumb forefather because they cudn't really express how they felt to the opposite sex because of their condition. Since then it was been adopted by the healthy, correct-headed members of our organisation. The "Ignore her" is one which we guyz fall prey to all too often. Now follow me closely...The logic behind dis tactic is: You like her, You think she likes you, when you've dropped enough clues for her and you feel she's noticed then you ignore her in an effort to play hard to get...that's it! Pretty ingenious right? NOT!!!! where's d sense in dis tactic biko? Statictics show that this tactic has a 20% success rate among the women of easy virtue or cement for brains and a success rate of 0.5% wiv d intelligent independent woman and a 45% success rate wiv the heartless Man eater.(Scribbles instutuite of Stats, 2009) The stats speak for themselves, if the chick falls for you wiv dis tactic then she's either got Goldfish swimming in her skull or she's going to stick a vaccum cleaner in ur bank account and a red hot iron on ur heart and dignity.

"Luv up her friends" possibly the greatest discovery ever made by our forefathers. Legend has it that it was invented by a determined suitor who had to charm a whole class of students just to get to the Head Teacher. It's the most subtle and deadly approach and once mastered the level of resistance of the opposite sex is drastically reduced. The trick is to be nice to her as well as completely enveloping her friends in charm and niceness. Studies have shown that women in friendship cirlces always have their decison on suitors influenced by the opinion of the group and so if a suitor can get in the good books of the friends then the intended target will have no choice but to succumb or risk ridicule and castigation from the group at large (Scribbles Insititue of Women affairs and Ish, 2009). This appraoch is useful for large groups of women but relatively pointless if ur target is a loner.

Definitely, the laziest approach ever invented is the "Pick up lines" approach. It was invented by three, lazy, creatively inept coach potatoes. It took three very dull minds to invent this and you see the result of their cerebral dormancy in the way this tactic is used in the world today. Members of our organisation have tried to curb the effects of this bastardized approach by inventing new creative versions but as soon as it gets out that there's a new one the ratings go up, illegal downloads increase and every morrasucker in a club is trying it out like a complimentary T-shirt 4rm ur local Super market.

"Chase or Die" which is also called the "Pester till she Permits" technique is one which has come under criticsm in d past. This technique works for some and for others it lands them jail time. The idea is to take away a women's ability to have a moments peace and replace it wiv phone calls, emails, texts, cards and "coincidental" bumpings in. This tactic isn't advisable for the reserved and subtle but natural for the shameless morrasucker and is usually only successful if the recipient really likes you or doesn't have d police on speed dial. If she doens't like you and is a trigger happy speed dialler then your ass is going to get screamed at in public or told to pick up the soap in prison lol.

Read More