a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

The Morrasuckers of our Organisation...

05:56 Posted by Sir Scribbles 24 comments
Ladies and Gentlemen I have chosen to enlighten you once again. This time I will take you back in time, back to the foundation of our organisation's many operations. I will give you insight into the great minds that invented the cores of our methods and I hope you realise the sheer genius and stupidity behind some of these innovations. LOL...it was actually fun writing this you know, I'm going to get kicked out of the organisation very soon wiv d way I'm going.

Whoever invented this must have been one friggin conceited Morrascuker the "Make her jealous" tactic is usually employed by the immature, egotiscal members of our organisation and involves using another chick as a makeshift bling or a prop in order to make you jealous enough to ignore the fact that if you are truly worth it he wud have commited the time and effort he used to employ this tactic and just chase you the right way biko. See ehn if he can give you space, hunt for another particually insignificant woman, deceive her into thinking she's all dat and he wants her just so that he can make you jealous enough for him to free that chick and come back to begin the flirting, asking out and courting process wiv you then you have to conclude that there's a lot of resource wasting going on. All dat scheming and time wasting can just be invested in chasing the heck out of ur ass till u agree cos u were beginning to see his face in the toilet bowl wen u go to handle ur biz lol.

This one was actually invented by our Deaf and Dumb forefather because they cudn't really express how they felt to the opposite sex because of their condition. Since then it was been adopted by the healthy, correct-headed members of our organisation. The "Ignore her" is one which we guyz fall prey to all too often. Now follow me closely...The logic behind dis tactic is: You like her, You think she likes you, when you've dropped enough clues for her and you feel she's noticed then you ignore her in an effort to play hard to get...that's it! Pretty ingenious right? NOT!!!! where's d sense in dis tactic biko? Statictics show that this tactic has a 20% success rate among the women of easy virtue or cement for brains and a success rate of 0.5% wiv d intelligent independent woman and a 45% success rate wiv the heartless Man eater.(Scribbles instutuite of Stats, 2009) The stats speak for themselves, if the chick falls for you wiv dis tactic then she's either got Goldfish swimming in her skull or she's going to stick a vaccum cleaner in ur bank account and a red hot iron on ur heart and dignity.

"Luv up her friends" possibly the greatest discovery ever made by our forefathers. Legend has it that it was invented by a determined suitor who had to charm a whole class of students just to get to the Head Teacher. It's the most subtle and deadly approach and once mastered the level of resistance of the opposite sex is drastically reduced. The trick is to be nice to her as well as completely enveloping her friends in charm and niceness. Studies have shown that women in friendship cirlces always have their decison on suitors influenced by the opinion of the group and so if a suitor can get in the good books of the friends then the intended target will have no choice but to succumb or risk ridicule and castigation from the group at large (Scribbles Insititue of Women affairs and Ish, 2009). This appraoch is useful for large groups of women but relatively pointless if ur target is a loner.

Definitely, the laziest approach ever invented is the "Pick up lines" approach. It was invented by three, lazy, creatively inept coach potatoes. It took three very dull minds to invent this and you see the result of their cerebral dormancy in the way this tactic is used in the world today. Members of our organisation have tried to curb the effects of this bastardized approach by inventing new creative versions but as soon as it gets out that there's a new one the ratings go up, illegal downloads increase and every morrasucker in a club is trying it out like a complimentary T-shirt 4rm ur local Super market.

"Chase or Die" which is also called the "Pester till she Permits" technique is one which has come under criticsm in d past. This technique works for some and for others it lands them jail time. The idea is to take away a women's ability to have a moments peace and replace it wiv phone calls, emails, texts, cards and "coincidental" bumpings in. This tactic isn't advisable for the reserved and subtle but natural for the shameless morrasucker and is usually only successful if the recipient really likes you or doesn't have d police on speed dial. If she doens't like you and is a trigger happy speed dialler then your ass is going to get screamed at in public or told to pick up the soap in prison lol.

24 comments:

Sulihp said...

today is a day for celebration!!!
#1, smashing, off the charts, classic
yes, it is I The Almighty Sulihp!!!!!

Off to read!

P'sy-A-wana said...

It seems u got ur man card revoked, this one wey u just dey share Agency secrets lol...deaf and dumb was golden and the jelousy trick's time is past...9ice one

Gochi said...

Damn that "chase or Die" technique absolutely annoying!

Funny post as usual. :)

yinkuslolo said...

hahhahahhahahahhahah, LWKMD!!!

as in ehn, that ur comment on my most recent post left me on the bonkers level. I was just thinkn the same thing lol.


now to yo post, this one that u're recalling ur skills, did they all fail on one girl?

chayoma said...

Scribbs, u will not kill me with laughter oh!

cerberus said...

Bro, just so you know, the organisation put a fatwa on your head as well as put out a contract.

ChinChin said...

Lol, amusing...

Fabulo-la said...

loool!
I will not die laughing!
I can testify how deadly luv up her friends is
lool!

CultureCynic said...

ahahahahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u r sumfin chronic!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahahahahahahahahahhahaha.....i swaer i want to kidnap you, strap you to a chair and STEAL YOUR MIND...ur mind is Nuclear o!

u kno u have shamed your organization....expect your BURN notice....being the shameless instigator that i am, i will tell them sey na you send me...they will play duka duka for your head...ur memebership will be revoked and be replaced with an unlaminated temporary one which will most likely restrict your nintly membership....watch your back !!!!

the games guys play enh and even when the games are soooo played out some women still fall for them.....women need to evolve and adapt biko...and nooooooo singing single ladies offkey wit your girls on your way to the bar is not evolve o. let me not even pick sides....babez have their own games nyafu nyafu...the only problem is their lack of consitency. men are consitent because they KNOW for a fact that if you dont fall for it your homegirl might, their games is backed up with years of experince and unnecessary confidence....women need to catch up. all this game playing makes my head spin...i pity the morrasucker that will even try....a whole me...agadagbachiri uzo one of my papa's village....nothing o

faB!! said...

LOOOOOOOOL!!
The make her jealous trick is wayy outdated. I hate when some guys try to pull that stunt. I'm like where da hell did you come from?? The 1990's??
Its 2009, it doesn't work so well!! ha!

Nice post!!

Miss Fizzy said...

Lol

Lady X said...

hahaha
Pick up the soap huh!
I see you watch Boondocks. That show is on point!!!

Sulihp said...

I'm BAAAAAAAACCCKKKK!
lol...lol..lol...i swear some guys don't know when to stop..chasing turns into stalking, it's so disgucting, it brings back memories of the amount of times i've had to change my sim card cos of a 'pesky fly'.....
ewwwww to "pick up the soap" that's so nasty yo....lmao....lol...lol

as for that jealousy tactic...i wonder who it works for...mmsscchhheeewwwwww

don't worry, if ur organisation guys kick you out, you know this other organisation will welcome you with open arms...*wink* *wink*

NaijaBabe said...

Your ass is seeking immediate castration from the powers that be in this organisation if yours. They are coming for you! You out them like that?

But me I loved it sha. You are officially nero uno in a few books of mine.

But you didn't add reference list at the end now. I need to see the articles where those quotes came from. My livid in desperate need of them

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO! This post will most definitely wipe out some if not all of ur karma slate clean!!!! but now u'll be chased by the organization sha! I am a HUGE fan of ur work and u r always on point and funny! keep it coming!!
ABSOF#*$INGLUTELY!

Rene said...

LWKMD!

Make her jealous - sick
Ignore her - sicker
Love her friends up - a tad bit okay
pick up line - sickest
chase or die - psych ward

blogoratti said...

Real hilarious mehn.
Nice one.

Nice Anon said...

The ignore thing doesn't work because my ass will next you. Then the hugging up and loving up to my friends don't work either because stay the hell away from them.

I don't even listen to pickup lines because they make no sense at all. In other words.. come correct and tell me what's on your mind. People are only willing to work with what you are willing to give them.

Peaches said...

LOL this is outrageously funny, how do u come up with this kind of things lol

u seem like someone i could really kick it with

Naija bad boi.... said...

guy...u have exposed d secrets of the organisation...i have been assigned to take you out! watch out oooo...
but as a bad boi...hmmn..
make her jealous...old fashioned..
ignore her....works but backfires when u over-ignore
luv up her friends--- classic
chase her die...meeehn do guys still do dat???
btw, guy avnt u done dat stuff yet????

Qube The Wordsmith said...

eRM HOLD ON *speakin in2 mouthpiece*is it confirmed? its confirmed...Good

Dude I'm here to serve ur BURN notice....yes now would b d time to start RUNNING....
Hw can u expose the Organisation lik dat? Fewlish mortal..

Tigeress said...

OMD, this is too hilarious and so so true. I've actually had a guy tell me about his "Ignore her" concept and i felt like slapping his face. Obvisouly these are guys who must think all girls are desperate. Any guy like that- i shall X without hesitating.

Nice one!!

leggy said...

lol...k oh...ur back!!!lol.that healousy thing is rubbish eh..it just pisses me off,and please dnt come at me with those flimsy lines!!

Original Mgbeke said...

LMAO, you are heelarious! Hahahah @ police on speed dial and the 3 lazy couch potatoes who invented the pick up lines.
Liking this post o jare, no be small modasuckers of our organization.

Games men play!