In response to your letter the Governors of the celestial plain as well as the house of cause and effect regret to inform you that your plea for clemency has been rejected. It is on record that on numerous occassions you have been given oppotunities for redemption and you have ignored these opportunities.
In your letter you detailed the infractions which you felt would result in the celestial organisations of balance imposing punishments on you. However, we noticed that you failed to include some specific information which also aided our decision to reject your plea. Just to bring these omitted infractions to your attention we have taken the liberty of listing a few which you may have forgotten and the alloted punishments you will receive:
In ur 2nd year you scammed your father out of 30k which was supposedly the fee for the new hostel you were allocated. The fee had already been added to your school fees which was paid in full prior to you requesting said amount from you father. The Celetial body intended on punishing you and restoring balance by wrecking the ipod you used the money to buy....but u bought another one...then we wrecked it...then you bought another...we wrecked that as well...then you bought another....we are in the process of wrecking that too until you get the message.
Throughout your undergraduate days you took advantgae of your fathers inability to keep track of his apparels and you specialised in ransacking your his wardrobe taking his shirts, ties, cufflinks and socks even though you had boxes and hangers filled with clothes. On every occasion where you were interrogated you denied and even when you confessed you only returned part of the loot. Even the cufflinks you plan to wear tomorrow are his and he doesn't know you have them. We have decided that between the age of 18 and 24 your first child will subject you to frustration by emptying ur wardrobe in weekly intervals. If you make any attempt to curtail his actions the frequency will be increased to twice in 4 days.
You failed to mention Sandra in you previos letter, we are confident that by mentioning this name you already know what your infraction was and you have a pretty good idea of what sort of punishment we will exact upon you. If you have any doubts concerning this issue we can at
least tell you that the lack of a stable liason in your present life is a preamble for things to come.
Finally we noticed that you seem to like the privacy members of you family award you at certain times. However, the House of cause and effect has it on record that not too long ago you accessed your sister's laptop in an effort to uncover the identity of the mystery person she chats with until the earlier hours of the morning. Your punishment, your mother will read your text messages at a time unknown and inconvinient to you but shocking and enlighetning to her.
Please contact us if you have any questions or complaints. You have seven days and seven nights to contact us before the decision of the board takes effect. Our lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We hope this letter finds you in good health. Thank you for your co-operation.
Miss Karma Isa Biyatch.
Head of Operations,
Deeds Recompense Department.