The last time we saw our hero, Scribbbles, he was in a very ominous situation, one of his new roommates, Captain Stinky Toes, had decided to take over the air ways by launching a secret biological weapon rendering our protagonist nasally redundant. Our hero managed to escape the clutches of the malevolent Captain Stinky Toes and took refuge in a friend's room but as fate would have it a reshuffling of student accomodation and a mix-up in alternate realities thrusts our hero into the same precarious situation again but this time in a new room and wiv only CST as a roommate...What will our hero do? Find out now in the concluding segment of Captain Stinky Toes: Scourge of the Air ways!
...This na serious situation, I don't think I can survive in that room wiv CST, one must live and one must die I swear. I'm sitting on my adopted bed in AY's room trying to put together a plan that'll get me put of this mess when CST walks into the room, he's smiling and xcited about us being roommates, he says he'll move in a few days after me cos he's got to tidy up a few things first. I smile as he tells everyone how happy he is that he got a correct roommate and not some weirdo..."Oh now he's just trying to make me feel guilty" I say to myself, "Look at him, he' so happy that I feel guilty, nothing dey happen! I can't treat him like dis jo! Shey na roommate we go be, if e too much I go just move out again tell am sey I no like the new room"
Now we've all moved to out new rooms, AY's room is just down the corridor and CST hasn't moved in yet. I decide to get bug spray 4rm the shopping mall cos the mosquito wey dey bite me 4 dat room dey carry knive cut pesin body. I head down to the shopping mall and on my way there I run into CST. He says he hopes I'm keeping the room warm 4 him...That was like d gayiest thing I'd heard that whole month. He says he'll move in in the next two days and I cringe, he should have given me at least a week's notice so I could prepare myself lol. I'm at the shopping mall paying 4 d bug spray and then I sight some air fresheners, I take 3 cans of Ambi pur, and a bag of camphor all I could here in my head was "Two days...Two days...Two days" I get back to the room and I use the bug spray, at least I go sleep well this night. About 45 minutes l8r I go back in and start lacing the room wiv camphoor, under the beds, in the wardrobes, under tables, I'm throwing camphor anywhere I feel is relevant, it's like I'm planting land mines in a war.
Oga has moved in and the Camphor is not working, this time he doesn't even keep the shoes by the window anymore he just drops them on the flow but this is the only problem, unfortunately the room has just one key and students are prohibited 4rm making copies so roommates have to share a key. Oga is never in the room and this leads to several incidents where he's at a lecture and I'm locked out of the room or I come back late and he's slept off wiv d door locked, the only way to get into the room when you don't have the key is to climb through a little window above the big window beside the door...imagine a whole me dey climb through window wiv my legs flailing frantically as pple try to help me get into my own room. As if I didn't have enough to deal wiv he's got this new attitude, he says I come back to the room too late and he can't leave d door open 4 me, I tell him I can't be here any earlier cos I read in a friend's room and we don't finish studying till late (We play Pro evolution till about 2am lol) I tell him he can lock the door but keep the key on the window near the door so i can reach it. Then he says I listen to music too loud and he doesn't like it, then he says I bring too many pple into the room and it's not safe...so in summary he called me a nuisance who's friend's cannot be trusted...as if that one wasn't enuf he finally took pissing me off to a whole new level by telling me I had to be in the room by 12am topz and my friends had to leave the room by 12:30am....This one just drove me crazy, I swear I've never been so angry in my whole life ass a Uni student...OMO! I start to crazre for room, I was screaming and yelling at him like I was a mad man, I can't remember everything I said but I remember saying something like "Oga since na pikin u dey find plenty girls dey skool wey fi' help you out, We be roommates o! U no be landlord and I no be employee, so 2moroif I reach room by 3am and the key no dey window anything wey happen take am like dat...U don shit 4 church wiv dis nonsense wey u don talk hope sey u know?". Pple have gathered around my room by now and witness my motivational speech, I storm out of the room feeling kool like I've laid down the law and return to crash a few minutes later.
The following night I come back to the room around 2:30am, Oga has locked the door and is crashing, I open the window and start screaming his name, "CST! CST!!! CST!!!" no answer...the only simile suitable to describe d way he sleeps is that he sleeps like he's dead. I holla for almost five minutes and then I realise the only way to wake him up is to friggin stone him to consciousness, I take off one of my shoes and fling it at him, it misses, I take off the other one and fling it again, it hits him n the back, no response, I take find an empty plastic bottle of water and fling it at him, hits him on the leg, no response...I wish sey I get catapult! Now I'm walking round he hostel looking for something I can use to wake him up, mosquitoes have obviously seen a walking buffet cos they didn't waste anytime biting the crap out of me and that just pisses me off even more, I come across this very long plastic pipe, I'm so sleepy, itchy and annoyed now that wen I see the pipe it's like it's glowing wiv a big exclamation mark above it and an invisible choir singing "Halleluyah!!!" I pick it and sleep-itch-walk back to my room. I slide d pipe through the window and I 'wakashiki' d dude on his thigh wiv d pipe, he just mumbles and changes sleeping position, I think of hitting him on head but I'm not that heartless, then I wakashiki him on the back and he opens one eye, he sees me and finally opens the door. By this time the window has been open for about 30-45min and all d mosquitoes seeking revenge cos I killed their comrades wiv bug spary have flown into the room. I wake up the next morning scratching every angle possible and oga is till crashing like a baby. I've noticed that the mosquitoes only bite me in d room, it's like they take one look at him and immediately opt for the Ajebo igbo boy blood lol, like there's a general mosquito law that in my room CST's body is a No-go area! Anyway I decide to lay it on CST today, I'm friggin tired and frustrated so I wait for him to wake up and as honestly as I possibly can tell him about his shoes and how he's tortured me since d first day we became roommates, I tell him in very elaborate detail about the stench and how it's causing global warming, I tell him about his attitude and how friggin frustrated I am, I tell him every every and all through he's just staring at me like I'm his daddy and I caught him stealing money 4rm my wallet. Unbelievably the dude says he knows that his shoes smell and he thought I didn't notice that's why he never bothered to ask (I immediately flashback to the first day he put his shoes by the window na di told him i ran away cos of a bee) He says he'll try and curb the smell and he was very sorry. Then he tells me why he's been in such a bad mood and behaving like an ass, apparently he's been chasing this chick in my class and she was giving him a real run for his money, she had successfully turned him into a slobbering heap of emotions and he was just too confused to know how to tackle her, she had been frontin for so long now that he cudn't think straight...my own question is why I had to suffer cos he cudn't land d chick lol. Anyway, he aks if I can turn into a spy for him and if I can be giving her lil love letters 4rm him...agbaya like me will now turn to MTN abi na T-mobile and be delivering messages between them...No thank you!
In the end if I had just told him 4rm day one that his shoes stank maybe all this frustration could have been avoided...but if I did this story wud never have existed and instead of reading about Captain Stinky Toes you'd be reading about how many girlfriends I've had which I assure you is not an impressive number. BTW I'm thinking of adding one of those music player widgets but the thing is when I visit other blogs and they've got music playing I have to pause their players first so I can read the posts, I've never been able to read while music is playing but I realise everyone is not like me. Just wanted to know if y'all think I shud add it or just leave my blog as awesome as it already is lol. Holla