a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Friday, 22 May 2009

Episode 5: Robby Scribbles and...

20:02 Posted by Sir Scribbles , , , , , , 20 comments
The Asian Connection...The fact That I can't cook has been established since the dawn oof this blog, I can now do d basic sha, like boil rice and all that but if you don't leave a pot of stew or soup then you are the epitome of Hitler...Btw PROPS TO MY LIL SIS' COS IF NOT FOR YOU HUNGER FOR DON KILL ME! the man that will marry that girl will have to settle me big time!!
One day I asked her to teach me how to make stew and like d science student I am I told her to write it down as elaboratly as she could step bt step, she wrote everything for me and at the top was the heading "COOKING FOR DUMMIES"...apparently I'm not the only one wiv a sense of humour in dis family.

It started as a simple family outing, if we were celebrating anything we'd usually go down to this lil' chinese restaurant and stuff our faces wiv oriental cuisine, then someone suggested we make it a regular thing, The first time was to celebrate somneone's graduation from high skool, the second was someone's birthday, the third time was someone's new job...nd then the visits got more frequent, slowly I was being dragged into a life of dependance and addiction, I've never been a drinking man, never smoked a stick in my life, never sniffed, inhaled and jabbed myself either, but this had broken through all my defences and turned me intoa maniac...My name is Robby Scribbles...and I'm addicted to Chinese food lol

We'd be there about 5 times or more, I cudn't get it out of my head, the way chicken chow mein had messed up my system still baffled me, I cudn't stop imaging it, I cudn't stop tasting it in my mouth, the long strands of oriental goodness had overrun my thoughts, the thick lumps of pork and chicken around it, the crystal coloured spring onions poppin out of corner of the plate...I swear I was hoooked. Speedy Noodles was a good 1 hour away 4rm the house, I thought of walking all d way there but changed my mind...d cold outside sef no dey friendly! They'd left me alone at home again, Sis was in skool, everyone else's at work, did they leave food? NO! did they leave money for food? NO! did they want me to starve to death...maybe! I stood by the window staring at the lil' Chinese restaurant across the street...MR WONG's Chinese restaurant was callin me...I swear the letters on his sign board were callin my name, I pulled out my wallet and stared at the few notes in it...dis was food money for skool d next day...Subway for lunch was the plan...no room for contingencies. I tried I tell you, I resisted for a good 2 hours...but MR WONG's Chicken Chow mein was callin me and I cud hear it's voice crystal clear in my ears...even if na chinese en dey speak I still understand! I couldn't take it anymore, I gave into the temptation, I walked into the restaurant and the girl at the counter was smilimng at me...did she know? I think she did! she knew I was addicted! She cud see it in my eyes, especailly wen I recited my order wivout staring at the menu..."I'd like the Special Chicken Chow mein, extra spicy wiv a side order of spicy pork pieces, stripped chicken pieces and spare ribs in pecking sauce. Throw in a couple of prawn crackers and chicken wings as well", "anything else?" she asked...why did I feel annoyed when she asked me that...I felt like she was mocking me, like she knew I cudn't resist a can of Rubican Mango juice, well I cudn't. I pay for my fix, grab my pack like a crack addict and head home. 5mins later and I'm in pure heaven...oh I go hear am 4 skool 2moro...I'll have to drink water all day to stay within my budget for the week...sorry Subway but I'm sprung 4 MR WONG! The next day I'm at skool and a notice a classmate of mine who hadn't been in skool 4 a while so I go over to say hello, Ami says she'd been in china for the chinese new year that's why she hadn't been in skool, She says she brought something for me and pulls out a lil packet 4rm her bag...it's contents are all to familiar...it's chow mein in a pack!...ready made!...in a pack!...they sell it in a pack like Pringles or Walkers over there!....I soooooo love China!

Two weeks pass and I haven't had a chinese meal all through, I've had Indomie but it's just not d same now is it? I'm cured, I'm free from my dependence on chinese cuisine...or so I thought. The week before a few friends and I decided to see a movie but had to postpone it, it's friday today and we're doing it this sunday. Sunday after church I call one of them and they tell me to meet them at Ilford cos there's a cinema there, 30mins later I arrive and we're all walking down to the cinema, we pass by a few stores and my nose twitches involuntarily, then one of my friends makes a suggestion..."Are you sure we shud see a movie?" she asks "shud we just have lunch at this chinese restaurant" she points behind me and I turn around to find out I'm standing in front of a chinese restaurant...Oh no! I say to myself. Everyone agrees we shud bust the movie and have lunch there instead...if only they knew. We walk in and I'm hit wiv another surprise...it's a buffet! O MY GOOD LORD! A friggin BUFFET!...I don die! I survey the the spread quickely and I spot my favs....Chicken Chow Mein? check! Spare ribs? Check!...Every every? check !!! I'm like a friggin assasin wiv dis stuff, first round, then second, then third...I'm getting my fix and these people just think we're having lunch. I get home that evening and I tell my Sis about the killa chinese Buffet I went to, she in turn (as usual) tells my aunt who tells her husband (house of snitches) My Uncle just laughs it off but what he doesn't realise it that this is no joking matter...from that day onwards I cudn't get that restaurant out of my head. A few days later I'm walking down Ilford high street wiv my uncle and he says he's hungry, I'm about to suggest Nando's or Pizza Hut of friggin Maccy D's but he throws in the Chinese food proposal and I'm powerless to resist. We're in again and I swear I saw the cashier smiling, it's friggin cosnspiracy and all the Asian restaurants are in on it, they know how much I love Chicken Chow mein so they've probably informed all the other Chinese restaurants about me, I can imagine Ninjas jumping 4rm rooftops delivering letters to every Chinese restaurant wiv "Latest Mugu" written on d envelopes"...however we are in the 21st century so it'd be cheaper to send d message by email lol. Ofcourse it's a conspiracy, how come when I'm at a chinese restaurant my order is always served quicker than others?...they've probably got a special cooker and frying pan labelled wiv my name "TALL IGBO BOY WHO CAN'T GET ENOUGH" or "BLACK DUDE WHO LOOKS AWESOME BUT LOVES OUR SH&T" lol. A few days back I was walking past Mr. Wong's and he calls me in and gives me a calendar, I nearly smack him upside the head wiv it, what does he mean sef?, dat I don chop so much Chow Mein that I need a schedule d meals now? or I've spent so much money in his restaurant that he wants to reward me? if he wanted to reward me he should give me the recipe for the damn thing....It's been exactly 24hrs since my last Chinese meal...I'm going hard and I'm going strong...then while typing this up I was listening to Edwin Starr's song "War" and then I remembered Jackie Chan singin it in Rush Hour 1...suddenly I get the craving again....it's exactly 3:43am and I want Chow Mein!...from a friggin song about war? This is pathetic!

20 comments:

Dee Brighton said...

FIRST!!
off to read

Dee Brighton said...

lmaooo i loveeeeee chinese food

exschoolnerd said...

ok so iv never had chinese food so i cant understand dis ur wobbia-ism for it!

Afrobabe said...

I know the chinesse place in ilford,unfortunately I hate chinesse food...went there recently and ordered shredded beef, waited happily expecting ...well shredded beef and rice and to my great dissapointment they brough some hard meat covered in honey?? honey keh...with my rice?? hissssssssssss

juiceegal said...

Ha u know u r my new blog husband......lol
U need help o.....dis addiction we have 2 beat it out of u....im nt exactly a fan of chinese,it can get sickening after a while.
Im off 2 think of a way 2 cure u..il be back

Dark Neo said...

Pipe Oshi! DONT collect any Chinese recipes chinese food isn't exactly cooking-101.....you'd burn yourself. Its not indomie...lol

My World said...

Chinese is just the way,unfortunately,african cuisine trips mi more.
Thanks 4 following ma blog.

G-FUNC said...

lol@
my name's is Sir Scribbles ........I'm a chinese food addict

"I'd like the Special Chicken Chow mein, extra spicy wiv a side other of spicy pork pieces, stripped chicken pieces and spare ribs in pecking sauce. Throw in a couple of prawn crackers and chicken wings as well", "anything else?" she asked...why did I feel annoyed when she asked me that."

you really crack me up man,really

I haven't yet tried chinese so I can' t yet give my opinion but I love indomie oh like really spicy indomie with all the fiery hot peppers

Phoenix said...

Ohh Lord...,ur making me want to get on a plane ASAP, London's many chinese restaurants are the reason for my over 10 pounds increase in size last year.
Im sure if you look at the fat ul see half is adipose tissue, the other half is chinese food.!
Drooling.....chinese food...!!!!!I want!!!

Miss Natural said...

hmm u know I only like spare ribs lol and I hate the barbecue sauce its in. Everything else I'm tired of it, just give me amala or pounded yam and I'm happy lol. Sir scribbs u are something else lol...almost broke on chinese food. lol at ur sis and the cooking for dummies, I like ur sis already. p.s stop blaming me, u're the one thats never online.

Rene said...

my name is Rene and i'm a chinese food addict...
juiceegal just stole my moment i was about to propose to Sir Scribbles...
lmao@ cooking for dummies

OPTIMISTIC_alyzzz said...

oh my God i love Chinese food, especially teh ones made with sea food, God i can just imagine those prawn sauce on hot plate steaming, with special fried rice, hubby and i have definitely abused the use of Chinese restaurants, i remember when we were in school in Benin, where there is only 1 Chinese restaurants, even the waiters recognized us when we walked it.

juiceegal said...

Rene too bad for u its already too late,but u cn apply 4 second position sha..........lol
As for u sir scribbles im gonna come up with the perfect solution 2 ur addiction,u kno i have 2 strt doin my wifely duties b4 pple like rene snatch u 4rm me...lol

Rene said...

lol, i'm no husband snatcher juiceegal

Sir Scribbles II said...

@Dee:Chinese food is the bomb..i think i'll move to china some day of that's wat they eat there lol

@exsklnrd:I suggest u don't else u become a sorry case like me...yet i cannot deprive you of such heavenly goodness lol

@Afrobabe:Mehn that place is the ish! maybe they were in a bad mood the day u went but I've been there twice and i'm making the place my sopt 4rm now on lol

@Neo: U know u don't have an ounce of sense, as if no be me nd u dey rock the kettle in d laundry lol

@Phoenix: If you can't fly drive, u can't drive walk, u can't walk swim, u can't swim text ur self here 4 some of this awesome oriental bliss lol

@G-Func: lol thanks bro..na seriosu thing o dis chines food, indomie doesn't even come close to what this asians will do to u

@Optimistic: Now u r speaking my language..i will learn chinese cos of these pple u know, I have officially made this place my spot lol

@juiceegal: This our marriage work if you aim is to stop me 4rm eating chinese food so take ur time lol! I don't need help..i need d friggin recipe lol

@Rene: Technically I'm not married until juiceegal accepts that my thing wiv chinese food is part of the deal lol...so if you are still planning on proposing I suggest u bend a knee lol...thanks for commenting though cos it means a lot to an ol' addict

Mehn I love una pieces oh! thanks 4 showing me love nad if you want to show me even mor elove a take away pack will be just fine lol

Gtay said...

mugu gai pan dats wat u r

Anonymous said...

mehnn my mum n aunty r sooo hooked on Speedy Noodles in Kilburn..each time they come on a visit we end up going there to have mother/aunty daughter/neice bonding...luvvv their food n d big plate of goodness is alwayz worth d price....yum yummm

lusciouscurves said...

Now this is what I call a love letter to Chinese food. :) LOL, "going hard and going strong" indeed. Loved it.

J. Jones said...

kudos love ur writing

J. Jones said...

cool