I just remembered....
The killer crush...my official first crush. I call her my origin because it was through her I understood the kind fo girls I cud be wiv. I was sooo sprung 4 dis chick but she was immune to my every move, it seemed like every tactic or strategy I used on this girl backfired. I liked to write so I wrote her lil' notes nd left them in places she wud find but wen she read them she'd throw them away nd say she wasn't into notes or she doesn't read that much (-5 points for d excuse). I'm romantic so I'd sweet talk her, I did the whole comparism thing wiv her, "ur eyes are like dis..., ur hair is like dat..., ur lips r like those..." she didn't even budge. I tried everything, music, sweet talk, ambushing her after class, even trying the platonic-leading-to boyfriend-routine nd it still didn't work...she drove me crazy 4 a whole year nd still didn't budge, made me doubt myself 4 a while, if I was fine enuf, if I was financially worthy, if I was just too nerdy cos back then I was kinda dorky...nt like now, definitely not like now lol! Anyway, it never worked out between us nd it was cos of her I realised d type of ladies I preferred...anyone who was her "DIRECT OPPOSITE!"...She was a different strain of female, cudn't understand her and still don't. We're friends now though but just for research purposes I'd like to figure out why it never worked...purely research lol!
Dr. E... to fully grasp the charater of Dr. E. I want you to imagine somethings first, imagine Hitler with all his tenacity and arrogance, then imagine him with 2 PhDs and 2 Masters, then imagine how you feel when you step in a big fresh lump of animal dung, finally imagine a big bowl of Tuna and garlric spiced ice cream...ewwww!...put all these together and you have Dr. E on his best day. Dr E was my nemesis in Uni, he was the most terrible thing that cud ever happen to a student. From first year all d way downn to final year Dr. E. found a way to make the life of every student he came across misereable, if there was a course students enjoyed for reasons such as a nice lecturer or easy topics Dr. E wud gladly step in to put you all on reset...he'd make the simplest thing look like teaching music via sign language to a paralysed blind man! His exams were suicide, pple in class wud read his exam questions and chew their pens like the ink was strawberry flavoured...he even had a trademark font he used to type his questions...I so hate that font now ehn! Once I stood staring at his car thinking of several ways to vent my frustration, I had just written a trademark Dr. E. exam and wasn't very optismistic about the score...I wanted to puncture his tires, pour palm oil in his fuel tank, sractch the windows wiv a rack and leave a thank you card on d hood...but I didn't...maybe that's why God allowed me to pass the exam..not ace..pass! Dr. E didn't stop at Uni nooooo! I had graduated and needed transcripts for skools in the UK, I was in the london at the time and cudn't go back to naija to process them so I called the school and spoke to my HOD, he assured me it wud be handled and said I shud call Dr E just for official purposes and confirmation. I called Dr. E and like the power hungry, annoying jerk he was he told me I had to come back to naija and process the trasnscripts myself, I told him I was in london and he said I shud have thought of that b4 going to eat burgers and fries in london...I'm no longer a student and this man was still torturing me long distance, I think he had a hidden agenda and it involoved wrecking my life...I'd dodged his carryovers and resits but now he wanted me to waste my life sitting at home or waste my money flying back to naija...Dr. E I have one message for you...God Pass u!
My college principal...my entire journey through education has brought me under the leadership of various men riddled with illogical rule making, unbending will and destiny crashing punishments to boot. Rev. O. was one of them, a very stern man who believed we were all spoilt rich kids whose parents were all mad and our homes disfunctional (his words exactly). During the post Holy mass announcemnets he declared that some students wud be expelled for breaking school rules, as he announced the names the congregation began to object heckling and booing him, he glared at all of us, his thick lensed glasses given the impression that he had more than two eyes. He screamed at us telling us he didn't need to take any nonsense 4rm students or parents, he said he didn't need our skool fees and he wud expel anyone who broke the rules (note: he had been on a expulsion marathon 4 d past 2 weeks). He said the school had enuf money and our fees were negligible. We screamed our objection despite the threats...guess what he did next?...he puts his hand in his pockets , pulls out dollars and pound sterling and flashes it at us like a rap star while reinterating the school's total disreagrd for our individual fees and their independence 4rm financial complications. Now at this time I was serving as the esteemed chief Cartoonist of our skool's magazine and during this period every event that occured in our school was translated into a comic sketch in my mind...this situation wasn't an exception. The next day all d students gathered at the skool's notice board, everyone was talking about it, pple skipped class just to look at it...it was a sketch of our principal, wiv big rings on his fingers, a gleaming chain around his neck wiv a dollar sign and holding wads of cash in each hand...the caption under the sketch read "MONEY AIN'T A THANG!!!" I was famous! everyone knew it was my handiwork...I signed the thing that's why, Name, post, class and everything! I was officially more popular than ever b4...for 2 hrs. 2 hrs was the time it took me to go 4rm most popular student to potential rusticated funny man!
4rm the magazine's patron's office to the Vice principal's and then the Principal's, I received the kind of tongue lashing Simon Cowell would be considered undergaged to listen to let alone give. In summary, I had never begged like that in my life, funny enuf I escaped wivout punishment and my 15 mins of fame were up but the sheer fear of expulsion nearly brought me to tears in the pricipal's office...ironically I wasn't afraid of my education being ruined wiv the expulsion, or my recored being tainted...all I could remember thinking was "Mummy will kill me!!!"