I just remembered....
Magic Money...I've realised that most of my more "interesting" moments occured while I was at Uni and majority of them were in first year. Okay so it's my first day in Uni, I've been given 10k in cash and a cheque worth 20k, the instruction was to use the 20k and open an account and keep the 10k on myself, I take a cab 4rm the airpor to Uni and I arrive in the evening, where does the cab driver, wiv all his intelligence, park? In the middle of the Basket ball court...while pple were playin...on my first day in Uni I was already a target for an ass whooping. Anyway the next day I go to open the account and they tell me I can't open an account wiv the cheque so I use the 10k on me instead and keep the cheque. My uncle comes around to check up on me and I tell him about the bank issue and give him the cheque to return to my Dad. About a week later I go to withdraw money 4rm my account and the Teller asks me why I want to withdraw such an amount when I've got a lot more than that in the account, I ask him how much is in the account and he says "30k"..."How?" I ask, He checks again and says the same thing "30k". I withdraw 2k and leave the bank..."These bank pple don make big mistake ooo!" I said to myself..."Dem don dash me money so? 30k! Where d come money come 4rm?...abi na Magic Money?". My conclusion was that the bank had made a mistake and I should spend the money before they realised it, there's a spring in my step and the following weeks see me turn into a maniac, I'm taking pple out to dinner, paying for pple's drinks and food, buying clothes and all dat, I'm leaving the good life wiv my magic money. At the end of the month I've bled d account to just 4k, Then I call my Dad...
Me: Daddy Good afternoon it's me
Daddy: Hey! How are you doing?
Me: I'm fine oh Daddy, just trying to adjust to university life
Daddy: I trust you my son, so any problem?
Me: No Daddy, just wanted to know if you were still going to pay in the balance of my pocket money
Daddy: What balance are you talking about?
Me: You know d remaining 20k, the one u wrote a cheque for that I had to return...
Daddy: Oh that, I paid it into your account already
Me: you did?...when?
Daddy: about a month ago, a few days after uncle Tim brought back the cheque
Me:...How did you get my account number (it hasn't hit me yet)
Daddy: You've forgotten Aunty Lizzy works wiv Oceanic...she got it for me
Me:ooohh! Oh okay I'll go and check, I haven't checked recently that's why
Daddy: Anything else, have yu started lectures
Me: Yes we have, nothing major yet just the foundations, Daddy I've got to go now, greet mummy 4 me oh!
(...by this time my stomach was churning and I'm slightly light headed)
Daddy: Ok bye bye
I look up at the sky and it's like someones has written "poverty" across it...I've just blown 30k of magic money and I'm officially broke, I can't tell my Dad what i did cos he'd just snap my neck over d phone, I can't tell my mum cos she'll tell my Dad and he'll snap my neck over the phone...You know dat song "when money come ur way everybody come ur way, when money go away everbody go away, dem go deny sey dem no know u again"...Na so dem deny me oh! The remaining weeks are occupied wiv a big bowl, some groundnut nd garri!
Driving lessons...When I turned 18 I started taking driving lessons, however I didn't go to driving skool, I had a more interesting road education which involved 3 teachers each wiv their different styles....
Dad: My Dad was the first to teach me, he'd always try to be calm wiv me but there was this one time I nearly drove us into a ditch nd he just kept screaming "Are you trying to kill us..Are you trying to kill us!!!!". Anyway lessons wiv him were kool but he didn't have enogh time on his hands, that's when I started taking lessons 4rm...
Murphy: Murphy is constantly high, I've never seen dat guy sober b4, he's always got bloodshot eyes and drooped eyelids, my lessons were around 7am nd dis dude showed up high like he smoked in his dreams or something. When we'd be in d car he'd just say about 4 words to me "change gear", "Ur leg dey clutch"?, "march break" nd "Trafficate" lol...he never looked concerned nd that scared me, I felt like one day he'd be too high to notice we've crashed into a street light. After a month or so I feel confident enough to drive anyway, I've taken my dad out 4 a test run as well nd I feel it's time to take mymum out as well...just to show off
Mum: She gets in d car and says since she hasn't seen me drive b4 she'd like to see me do a lil' warm up and I shud just drive around d estate first wivout going past the gate. I put the key in d ignition, start the car, pull out of the garage nd drive slowly in a straight line...These were my Mum's reactions 4rm start to finish
"Why are you moving so slow"...
"Okay that's too fast"...
"USE YOUR HORN!!!"...
"I said use your horn don't be afraid to use your horn, do you want to kill them!!!"
"STOP, STOP, STOOOOOPP!!"
"Oh my God you nearly hit that pole...My goodness!!"
"What was that sound"
"Take us back home now, you r not fit to touch a steering wheel yet!"
"Infact give me the keys, I'll drive us home b4 you send all of us to the hospital"
all this screaming happened within the estate oo! I hadn't even crossed the gate yet, she got me so nervous and frazzled that I couldn't think straight, You won't believe she told my dad i nearly killed dem, nd I wasn't ready 4 a license yet...nd my dad believed her...I drove dis man to his office nd back nd he believes my mum who i didn't even take outside d gate...Women!
Sam...Sam's one of my closest friends, we've known each other for a long time and if there's anything I know about Sam it's dat he's the most shallow, loveless, womanising woman wrapper you can ever meet. You can never see him wiv d same girl twice in d same week, when any of us talks about how we love our girlfriends, or how we fancy dis chick or how sprung we are for this girl Sam will never hesitate to show his darker side, He said he cud neva go out wiv a chick unless she had a big booty nd crazy boobs, he said all men were superficial nd the one's who thought they weren't were suffering silently. He's never had a girlfriend who lasted more than 3 months and believes all d mushy mushy love stuf is for kids or d demented. We always warned him that guyz like him wud eventually fall in love nd when he did he'd fall for someone who didn't give a damn about him but he'd been to sprung to think straight...like a Mugu! He'd reply us saying "How can I fall for something I don't belive in". Imagine my surprise wen I walk into his rom one day and catch him burning a cd for someone...not just any CD..a love CD. At first I ask him wat he's doing and he shut his laptop, I get suspicious, I come closer nd he pulls d CD out of the laptop nd flings it into his wardrobe, wiv my sharp reflexes and killer instinct (we wrestled till i threated to kick him in d nutz lol) I grab d CD and sprint like a mad man to my room, he chases me like he's possessed screaming profanities at me. I lock my room door behind me, stick d CD in my laptop, press play and Donnell jones blasts 4rm my speakers, the next song is Seal's "Kiss from a rose", next is Lionel Ritchie's "I call it love", all dis time he's bangin on my door threatening to kill me. I've heard enough, I open d door nd he's fuming, I make fun of him a little nd start probing the sucker...Sam is in love, nd he has fallen bad...I mean really bad! and like d prophecy foretold she didn't give two monkeys about him, d cd was a ploy to swoon her cos she'd been ignoring him until now. In essence i'd like to report that Sam is now in a happy relationship wiv his missing rib, his butterup, he's sweetcandy (his words exactly)..looks like d CD worked!