a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Monday, 18 May 2009

Episode 4: Robby Scribbles and...

12:14 Posted by Sir Scribbles 6 comments
Captain Stinky Toes: Scourge of the Airways: In all my years as an undergraduate I've encountered a variety of pple as roommates. I've lived wiv them all, The pastors and The porn watchers, The Book worms and the loafers, the reasonable and the senseless, the lucid and the insane but of all the roommates I've ever had Captain Stinky toes (CST) was by far the most testing and frustrating of them all. We started out as 4 in a room, I, Captain stinky toes and two others who are irrelevant to this story. 4rm the first day I walked into that room I knew I was going to get homicidal, fortunately my friends were next door so I usually spent my time over there. The other two roommates were cool, they never bothered anyone cos one of them slept all day and the other was never in skool. However Captain stinky toes wasn't so neglible, he was awake most of the time and always in skool lol. He was an engineering student and was a damn good one...I wonder why he never built a machine that sucked the belly churning odour that came 4rm his shoes, or shud I say boots, those things were too massive to be called shoes. Anyway, the first time I ever noticed the smell was when I was on my laptop one day and he came in 4rm lectures, my desk and bed were in front of the window btw, it's 6ish and he'd been out all day, we exchange hollas and I continue writting a computer programme to multiply pascal factors by exponential relative variables (I was watching FRIENDS lol). He starts to undress, takes off his shoes and drops them by the window and 10secs later as the devil would have it a gentle breeze blows into the room, I don't notice it at first, the odour was subtle as it was carried by the breeze 4rm the boots to my nose, my nose twitches 4 a second and then the full blast hits me, the stench is horrible, I drop to the floor and scurry to the other side of the room on all fours, CST is looking at me like I'm mental and asks if everything is alright, I shud have said it there, I shud have told him his shoes smelt like a skunk had eaten another skunk and farted but I didn't, instead I said "Nooooo! One nonsense bee almost sting me 4rm window". I don't understand how pple wiv smeely feet can't seem to notice the odour. Some days I just cudn't stay in the room and I'd be next door wiv my friends all day. When pple came to visit me the first thing they'd say was "Guy, Wetin dey smell 4 ur room like this?". If he wasn't in the room I'd tell them it was his shoes, if he was in the room the Mad man wud say "I no know oo! the thing don dey smell since we move into this room".

2 months pass and I've slowly started to dislike CST, not cos of his character, it's just cos he can't wake up and smell his own stinky shoes. Now I'm looking for a reason to move out, I'm planning to move to my friends room wiv my mattress and sleep on the floor if I have to, all I need is a genuine reason, a reason that won't give my true motive away, a reason that will put an end to the nasal molestation I was receiving and still leave us as cordial friends after I pack the hell out. A week later all d engineering students are given mini-projects, they are told to build a lil' transformer (I think) and half the class is oblivious to how to approach it. Captain Stinky Toes ends up building and selling transformers to students and his making a lot of money as well as filling our room wiv wires, plugs, batteries and all dat. One day I'm taking a nap after lectures, oga is building another transformer and his shoes are at the window again, the stench is just unbearable and I can't even shut my eyes for 5 minutes wivout the toxic gas waking me up, I'm irritated and annoyed when all of a sudden the transformer his building explodes, not a biiiig explosion oh! just a lil' one that injures his fingers and makes a loud BOOOOM! I'm out the door before you can say "Al Qaeda" I'm on the corridor laughing at him and then it hits me..."This is my chance, this is the reason to leave the room, Robby take it! take it!" I start to protest "Guy are you trying to kill us?, I see it's no longer safe to live wiv you. I'm moving over to AY's room 4 d rest of the session. Be like sey u no wan make I graduate 4 dis skool? your lecturer talk sey make una build transformer but oversabi like you dey build bomb! I no do again guy I dey move comot! See as you don turn thsi room to garage, pple go think sey we be electricians for this room, I don leave the room 4 you so if you wan blow urself just dey blow dey go!" Ofcourse AY next door knew my plight so we were all rejoicing wen I moved out wiv my mattress and laptop (my most valued possesions at the time lol) It was a sign 4rm above and I took it, we were still friends and the room didn't stop smelling but I has free, I had been emancipated 4rm Captain Stinky Toes and I cud breath clean air again.

3 weeks later the Skool Admin. annonces that all students in our year were to be moved into a different hostel and instead of being 4 in a room we'd be just two, we're all excited and praying for correct roommates, the rooms were a bit smaller but it was d price to pay 4 having just one roommate insteaad of 3, some pple dey even try bribe Hostel supervisor sef! (Naija! corruption everywhere). A few days later the list of new room allocations and roommates is out. I check for my name and spot it, Room 607 on the top floor of the new hostel wiv a crazy view of the skool, now it's time to find my roommate, it's not arranged categorically so I have to scan the whole sheet to find my new roommate, I'm running my fingers through the listed rooms trying to find my new room number and the corresponding name and then I land on Room 607 again and the nam beside it....CAPTAIN STINKY TOES!!!!

Can Scribbles survive this new pairing? Will Captain Stinky Toes ever smell his own feet? Will Scribbles cut off his toes in d middle of the night? Find out in the concluding segment of Episode 4!


Lady X said...

OMG you are too funny!!
Captain Stinky Toes...hahaaha!
I was so expecting him to be your roommate. Let's see how you'll get out of this one!

Miss Natural said...

uve done it again! relief in these harsh examination times! lol how disgusting, i hate stinky pple :( i mean I dnt smell so why should you? lol, cant understand it tooo. finish it up quickly plsss.

G-FUNC said...

Hey men that ain't fair
his feet stink so what?
you could have just told him to try and step up his game
rather than let him like that
you were a rather bad roomy
and my feet stink too when I've my shoes on all day
although I don't leave my shoes to kill anyone and I wash my feet as soon as my shoes come off
all thanks to a bunch of roomies who let nothing slip by and I mean nothing
mouth odour,
bad style,
un cool behaviour,
.........theh list is endless
man where were you when it was taught that good friends don't let their friends get humiliated alone...........

Dee Brighton said...

LMFAO *dead* @ CST & the guy saying that the smell had been there since you guys moved into the room hahahahahha

"your lecturer talk sey make una build transformer but oversabi like you dey build bomb!"

hahahahhahahahahaha omg you're hilarious!!

Chi-Chi said...

i was reading your blog, then i commented
then went back to keep reading

haha i c ur new layout!!

so pretty!

...lemme stop chattering, lemme go read!

Gochi said...

LOL, wouldn't want to be in your shoes right about now (lol) and yes PUN intended..hehe

Seriously though you should probably stand up tall and just tell the guy his feet STINKS, or be subtle like buy some feet products, don't know where u live but places like Wilkinson's or Superdrugs stock them cheap and just leave it around, maybe he'll get the hint.

I dunno about you, but if it was me, i'll be like dude WTH, are those your feet, sheeeet is that why all the ladies left or ........ (feel free to fill in the blanks)

Sorry comment is long, got carried away, first time here too