a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

GO HARD OR GO HOME!!!

11:30 Posted by Sir Scribbles 19 comments
Mehn we r just too much, forget all the political conspiracies and lack of basic social amenities for a minute here! The Naija pesin's sheer will to survive is just too much jooo! Naija pple go through crap and take shit home and abraod and we still Go hard! We still dey survive dey go, it's an African trait yes but as an igbo boy dis post is for Naija, to Naija and by Naija....wiv a twist!!!

Naija pple never surprise me, I use to think there were some parts of the world you cudn't find naija pple but I was so wrong, our legs long reach any part of this globe, initially I thot it was either UK or US but wen I started meeting naija pple 4rm Poland, Holland, Bulgaria, Russia and all sorts of places I knew we cud not be stopped, whether the indigenous pple be white, yellow, pink or purple we will still come to your country and make a living...heck we'll even start speaking ur language if that makes you comfortable. Whatever be the reason, be it education, work or just to give birth to a child so it'll be a citizen you will find us in your country. Whether they are illegal immigrants or have passports to the moon sef u will never hold a naija pesin down! One day astronauts will launch a rocket to Pluto and think they have left us here to rot on earth only to land on Pluto and find a Naija man listening to D'banj on his intergalactic ipod!!

Naija is the factory of sharp pple, everybody is a sharp guy and if you are not sharp then a you'll be cut by a sharp guy, In 2008 I was in Uni and a classmate came by and said he had just recorded an album and wud like me to buy it, I know the guyz in my clas who are musiucally inclined and this guy has never struck me as the studio-bound type. After I interrogated him a lil I decide to support an upcoming artist and buy his CD, he said it was N300, I said I wudn't pay that much, he said N250, I said it was too much, He said N150, whick kin albim be dis wey d price dey drop like this? I asked. I bought the CD and a few minutes later I played it on my stereo, there were 6 tracks in the album, I was disappointed but then again dis wasn't Kanye or Neyo! I played the first track...not too shabby, second track...just noise, third track...good beats but crappy lyrics, fourth track....Backstreet boyz, fifth track...James blunt, Sixth track...Vitamin C's graduation...I HAD JUST BE SCAMMED!!! Apparently it wasn't just me cos the next day he became a wanted man in my class!!

Wen I was in naija they had started using these pre-pay meters for electricity and I thot it'd be more expensive and unaffordable for some members of the community...NOT! A NEPA man came to our estate sharing some pamphlets, wat was it about? The man said he can re-engineer the meter to read twice as slow as the normal meter giving you double the electricity for the amount of a normal supply...Can u beat that? I'm not supporting it but just reason wiv d man! How much does NEPA pay them sef? Only in Naija can you buy a recharge card for your phone, u tear off the protective wrapper, scratch the silver panel and punch in the numbers only to hear the automated voice at the other end say the PIN number has already been used...who in d world used the PIN then? U just scratched it and on ur first try they say it's been used? Only in Naija!!!

Our means of transportation will be baffling Scientists and Physicist all over the globe, even wiv potholes, gutters, untarred roads and bush paths we will still get 4rm point A to Point B and even stop to buy Gala 4rm the guy hawking it on the road. Jumping 4rm a moving vehicle and landing on your feet is against the Laws of physics...which means there are tons of superheroes walking round Lagos everyday! You tell a foreigner to do that and he aks for special effects and CGI...only the likes of Vin Diesel and Tom Cruise can attempt such feats and we do it wivout insurance or stunt doubles sef. Okada mehn ride their two wheeled chariots of death wiv not one, not two, but three pple sometimes wivout even breaking a sweat, Taxi drivers don't understand the difference between the highway and the walkways and a typical day in a traffic jam will see pedestrains walking on the road while cars drive on walkways and pavements.

One thing that amazes me is the way we raise kids in Naija, You can take a parent out of naija but you cannot take naija outr of a parent. I say this cos wen I see Mum's blasting Yoruba or Igbo to their kids on the streets of london and then in an ironic yet beautiful way the kid replies in the purest of cockney (London ligusitics usually associated wiv east end londoners) it just trips me. No matter which currency you are spending or the colour of the flag u gatz to understand the mother tongue. I don't speak Igbo as fluently as I shud but I tell you that after over 2 decades of constant threats and chatisement 4rm my parents I dey hear Igbo die!!! I see kids telling their parents to shut up and get out of their room...Imagine dat? You tell my dad to get out of you room and he'll tell you to get out of his house!! I don't even think I shud elaborate on wat my Mum's reaction wud be in a situation where her child tells her to shut up...i think you already know wat she's capable of...

You are about to board a plane 4rm Naija to the UK, you're at the check-in counter and the lady there tells you that your luggage is overweight, your argument is you are just a student and can't afford to pay all dat extra money, she just acts like you don't exist and repeats herself, you stare at her wiv ur sad, pleading eyes and then she urges you to comes closer, she pulls out a brochure and tells you that if you put something tangible inside she can wave the excess for you....Yes! it has happened to me b4!!! Even something as neglible as excess luggage at the airport will require some good ol' naija palm greasing and they don't want to hear that you are a student oh! as far as they are concenrned you are travelling 4rm naija to london and therefore have a suitcase filled wiv pound sterling rather than books. I even had to beg for a window seat after she told me there were none left only to get on the plane and it was half full.

I tell you being a Naija pesin is not easy and no one post can detail the things we see and go through on a daily basis whether at home or abroad. No time for dulling oh! No gawking and no slacking! If you ask someone to hold ur hand while you cross d road then u better not have a watch on that wrist, If you want milk you have to first find a cow and if you want meat better take your rifle into the jungle. It's either You go hard or you go home!!!

btw Oga P'sy dis is ur last warning oh, better find something else to blog about cos if you write anything wey pass ur power u will become d next BBC breaking news lol!!

19 comments:

leggy said...

first?!

Sir Scribbles II said...

Indeed you are my long legged friend lol

leggy said...

he he he..i really lughed tire wen i read this...u went to convenant?!dnt even say u did!lol,i dnt like that place for nything...nyway...i loved ur naija stories oh,it is so true...the way kids here treat their folks im like...u need to live wt my mum for a day and ur life will never be the same!!my mums shouting is legendary oh!!

CultureCynic said...

Only in Naija indeed!.....mehn i keep saying it the NIgerian blood is too kunk...this post had me lafffin and nodding in recognition...will catch up on your archives!!!

yinkuslolo said...

oh scribs. i perceieve mutual humor. to be a nigerian is not easy, wow, u will be multi-talented inherently. technically, this is my first time here.

chayoma said...

mehn, u wan kill me with laughter...
this post too much!
i am coming back with peoples to read this one again

Anonymous said...

i jhus knew it...i knew u went to Hebron..i come ere like all the time but never leave comments...but i think i graduated b4 u ...nofin do u sha...nice write ups....ur fellow hebronyt...

G-FUNC said...

lol oh lol

"listening to dbanj on an intergalatical ipod"

performing stunts on a daily

oh boy you don craze,it's official

sweetness said...

i have been laughing like i was da one who pulled dat on you
lmao, that was a classic
naija!!

woteva happens dt is the place to be
and these reasons u wrote are reasons we miss home like mad right now

UnderCover07 said...

Word!!!

When ppl ask me why I lyk chillin wiv my 9ja peeps, why I lyk going home often and why I can only date a 9ja dude...its hard to explain to them. There's jst sumthn bout 9ja!

I miss ridin' okadas
I miss jumpin bus
I miss speakin pidgin english
I miss gettin my hair done for CHEAP...lol

9ja for life!!!

Tay-mee said...

haha I'm guilty of replying my Mum in English when she's blasting Yoruba..

Oh and I do the sad face thing when my luggage is over weight in everywhere but Naija, then this Christmas I tried it and the woman said the EXACT same thing..God bless my motherlan' mehn.

BBB said...

Naija man listening to D'banj on his intergalactic ipod!!

PRICELESS!!!!

LWKM......

naija for life

Adaeze said...

lol @ intergalactic ipod.
true true

juiceegal said...

LWKM...............only in naija mehn.
@undercover: I miss doin my hair 4 cheap too
Covenant boi............all u prisoners..lol

Sir Scribbles II said...

Hey thanks pple, Naija 4 life mehn! comes wats d deal wiv Covenant please, I am no longer a CU student so why r u still giving me so much wahala u pple ehn I agree d skool is nothing to write home about but I don comot so leave me jo lol!

P'sy-A-wana said...

wat do u mean u wan threaten me i go involve backstabbin baby 4 the stuvz o!!!!!!!! lol wen all d clan show people no go dey read our blogs na our comments dem go dey find. guy if u no hard we 4 no survive cu now or u wan dull remember wen we play pes 6 wen hall officer wan catch us wey we crawl on top our belle bad as e bad 9ja 4 life

koga said...

guy...ds sturvs funny die...but come na...y evry un just dey vex for cu...u too joined in dissing ur alma mata...stupid boi....neways...naija for life mehn.....

Lady Koko said...

buhahahah!!!!!!!!!!! AWWWWWWW AND I ALMOST HAD TEARS IN MY EYES!!!! and when its all said and done......I WILL ALWAYS LOOOOOVE NAIJA MEHNN!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE DEF GO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!! woooohooooo
p.s:xoxo

Miss Natural said...

lol...its good to be a Nigerian! you summed it up perfectly and as usual it was hilarious...intergalatic ipod haha.