a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Sunday, 7 June 2009

Hapuya like dat...

06:07 Posted by Sir Scribbles 13 comments
I watched Wolverine a while back and something was bothering me about that film, I read a similar complaint in Gochi's blog and it just intesified the feeling of disdain towards Hoolywood. If you haven't seen the movie then look away now...There's a part where they are in Lagos and when I read the subtilte I thot I'd see places like V.I. or somewhere posh at least. The nas the camera revealed the Terrain I was just annoyed, as usual they potrayed Africans as people who don't look half as decent as a road sweeper in the UK, wiv shit for houses and shit for english language. Granted they added authenticity by including a scene wiv pple speaking igbo but excuse me oohh! Do I look like I come 4rm a Ghetto, or do they think all nigerians where leopard skin coats and hunt Antelopes for brunch? I was in a party one day and some cultural dancers were abut to take the stage, they had colourful constumes on and a guy beside me, mixed race by the way, tapped meand asked me what the feathers on the caps they were wearing meant...Now why wud he think I knew that, Racial profiling? Stereotyping? MADNESS? Do I walk up to random Chinese pple and ask them if they know Kung Fu? Do I approach random Pakistani pple and ask them if they know where I can get cheap car bombs? It's not just right! Granted I may be overreacting and he may just have asked the question innocently but I'm tired of foreigners thinking that all Africans leave on trees and can only travel form one point to the other by swinging from vines or Riding Elelphants...if CNN want to do a story on naija they won't go to Abuja oh! or the better parts of Lag', they'll go and find one gutter and stick their cameras there for two hours wiv a narrating journalists talking about how we are suffering and need aid mscheeew! One day I was standing at the bus stop very anxious cos I was late for skool and this guy 4rm Cote d'ivoire came up to me a said "You shudn't look so tense if not they will catch you" I turn in surprise and the dude proceeds oh "if you look tense they will catch you, they are everywhere, do u want to be deported?" OMG!!! So I'm being profiled by a fellow African now?! So he thinks every black guy on the street is an illegal immigrant or wat? I wanted to reply but then I saw a can of Carling in his hand...another reason to stay off Alchohol. On that subject sef, abeg why are pple giving me a hard time ehn? So what if I don't drink, wat's d big deal, I tell pple I don't drink and they say I'm not a big boy....wen did consumption of Alchohol become a criteria for Social status gradatioon abeg?! I few weeks back I was at a birthday party and the someone was pouring glasses of wine for everyone, I ask if it's alchoholic, cos I don't really care wat pple think rain or shine, he says yes it is, I say I don't drink alchohol, it's like I stopped time or something, everyone just froze and stared at me, me wey like attention I repeat myself, the dude says it's just small alchohol, I say I don't drink alchohol again, he literally forces the drink on me, So I leave it on the table and got tap water, all through the guy's looking at me like I just wasted his drink...I friggin told you I don't drink it so why r u giving me the stink eye? Another time was at Uni, We were watching football match and the guyz I went wiv to the sports hub ordered bottles of beer, I ordered a bottle of fanta, then they look at me like I'm an Alien, like I'm an anti-brewery activist! They too tried to force me to drink but I've had alot of experience wiv peer pressure and know that the best way to deal wiv it is either to ignore it or make the peers look very stupid lol (only try the latter if you are skilled in hand-to-hand combat or have some sort of life saving upper hand) I went into a long rant about how pple like to give me a hard time cos I don't drink, When pple drink Alchohol around me do I give them a hard time? Do I tell them their slowly killing their livers, Do I tell them how Alchohol as a depressant can hinder motor skills, Brain function and overall body operation? NO! But when I say I want Juice instead of Spirit or Soda instead of Beer it's like I'm from another planet! A couple of my friends said they'd spike my drink one day wen I wasn't looking (Dark Neo, Sam, Jerry and P'sy-A-wana) Friggin boyz had me paranoid for almost 2 weeks cos of that statement. When I was working at the night club alot of pple offered me drinks and when I told them I didn't take alchohol they'd have dis puzzled look on their face, It's not like I carry a placard protesting against alchohol or I walk around wiv a sanctimonious persona chastising pple who drink, I've been around pple who drink and most of my friends drink too but the thing is I just don't do it, not socially, responsibly or irresponsibly...there's no use in even trying to get me to take it, many have tried and failed, I don't even blame them for getting annoyed or looking puzzled, it's weird seeing a guy wiv a bottle of fanta in the midst of a group of men downing Jack Daniels.

Apparently I'm too young for where I am in my life which is something I hear 4rm alot of pple and I still can't understand. Today I went to see my uncle's family coz we I haven't seen on a while and they were in town. While I was talkingto them the wife asks me how I'm finding A' Levels in th UK...imagine my shock, do I look that friggin young, I didn't even know whetehr to process that as a compliment or insult. I simply smiled and told her I was doing my postgraduates...she looked at me the same way pple look at me wen I say I don't drink lol. Then her husband walks in 4rm work and while we're greeting each other he asks me where I go to skool, I tell me Birmingham, he says what am I studying in my A levels....excuse me but what tabloid are you pple reading please? is this a family conspiracy? He tells me I have dis sorta boyish look...what d friggin hell is that supposed to mean? Agbaya 21 year old like me and you are saying boyish look ke!! Anytime I tell pple how old I am and watz up wiv my education they just act weird, some congratulate, some sneer and some fall in love (latter is a hypothesis wiv inconclusion results lol), okay so I may be young but I'm guessing there are younger pple out there in far more advanced situations than me right? Sometimes I don't even know whether it's a good thing jo, the only other naija guy in my class who I hang wiv is married wiv a son, the average age of my classmates is 24...who put my life on fast forward please ehn?

Am I ranting? I think I am, I can't help it jo I'm disturbed right now, Age alchohol and Africa r just making me absolutly livid in a variety of ways!!!

13 comments:

Dark Neo said...

Okay number 1 The african thingy...you arwe reacting like that because it was Igbo they spoke, Wolverine is an okay movie. I would have reacted just like you If they spoke Yoruba, and you know I am not much of ayoruba boy, So that should tell you something, or maybe it should just tell u we shud unite more ...but anyway calmdown. Have you watched "The gods must be crazy"? The Africans from that country did not go around harrassing hollywood!...or maybe they are not just as enlighted as Naija peeps.....okay I am just contradicting myself now...

UnderCover07 said...

LWKM @ Agbaya 21 yr old like me!
Pls me am not an agbaya o, I'm still a youngin'...meanwhile my junior don born pikin.

But yea I feel u on the stereotypes. It sux, I think ppl r just ignorant and wallowing in their short-sightedness.

Dark Neo said...

Number two The guy 4rm Cote d'ivoire just tell him that that white guy at the corner is looking at him funny LOL... I don't know much abt stuvz...he is drunk believe me you probably wud hav got a kick out of it if you were... and for that accusation you must be mad We will really spike your drink....1 day!...And I wish pple look at me like they do you we are the same age but ppl still ask me what I want too study when I get ?*@"INTO THE UNIVERSITY"@*?, and in my case the environment freezes when I ask for small stout! And personally I feel YOU will love "jack" and YOU lack the ability too get drunk ... you are too self conscious! And number three...We being too young for our educational level is what like 80 percent of pple will think I thought you'd be used to it by now we cant escape it!...

~Butterfly~ said...

LOOOL! I used t brag bout my brotha being "just 21 nd is done with skul nd NYSC" nd I never understood y he got upset bout that. Take it as a compliment!
Nd yes oh, preach on my brotha, sayin u dnt drink these days is lyk sayin u hav HIV. The looks nd comments r even more annoying, wen I'm 80 with a fully functional liver, we'll see who really had d last laff!

leggy said...

okay...me too i dont drink..i go to parties where they drink and i still dont do it...i dont even drink that smirnoff ice...alcohol is alcohol..i dnt do it..my dad doesnt do it..y should i?lol.
about the wolverine thing...na dem sabi!

Miss Natural said...

woah you sound peeved, I wonder why lol. Hope you've calmed down now though :)
I agree with you about the african thing but I think you read a bit too much meaning into the guy asking you about the feathers. asides from that you hit the nail on the head, the worst is that drunk guy asking about you being tense...crazy dude.
Nah, I respect that, I don't drink too, I just can't be bothered to lol and plus I hate the out of control feeling that's sure to follow...kai but that must be annoying, as in the way you described others reactions I felt bad lol.
I get that whole young thing a lot...pple always tell me I look way younger than my age lol, but I don't get it like how you do and i always take it as a compliment thus...i take it like 'youthful'lol
Pele, you're really peeved sha.

Sir Scribbles II said...

@Dark Neo: Dude u make sense sha, apart 4rm d wolverine one, d movies was tight but that lagos scene just pissed me off jo! SO u want me to prank a drunk man 4rm d ivory coast and he don't figure he'll get violent shey..

@Undercover07: Stereotypes are just mad pple who haven't been diagnosed yet lol...I can't stand them u know

@butterfly:yeah baby..thre cheers for fully functioninn gliver at 80

@leggy: leggy leggy leggy!!. how many times did I call ur name? I say we r related u know, smae tribe, state, show size lol...drink preferences lol

@Miss N: I'm not pissed, I just remembered alot od stuff concerning myself and stereotypes...they just tickme off sometimes lol

P'sy-A-wana said...

i posted my reaction 2 this in d wrong blog so if u wanna see it check out robbys blog book blog

P'sy-A-wana said...

but guy y u dey vex like dis ehn na u go b d first 9ja guy wey dem go slander and u no go be d last either,wen my mama travel buy me my ps2 d store clerk dey ask my mama say wether we dey play video games for africa imagine dat after we don use nes, snes,sega,ps,ps1 wat d f

Sir Scribbles II said...

@Gtay: Dude are you serious...dat one don pass anything wey don do me oo! Guy I will not be d last but I get right to complain na, how pesin go look me up and down think sey I dey hunt lion

juiceegal said...

No vex my husband...........nd yea dis 1 u are askin 4 divorce everywhere........lie lie,nothin like that,we are stuck with each other,listen to akon and shantelle's stuck with each other........lol
Now back to the post,dnt mind the pple that are surprised you are doin ur masters at 21,its pretty normal these days,dnt kno why they are surprised abi they expect u 2 b 30 and stil be in uni???
And bout the drinkin of alchol,dnt dey get it,some pple just dnt drink,dnt let them get to u,always stand ur ground,ul be surprised they actually admire u.Do u and dnt send anybody.

Lady X said...

Wolverine was a nice movie!
But i didn't like their portrayal of us as usual!Bloody Directors!
And I totally get it with the alcohol thing.It can get VERY annoying!I don't want to do it so why are you bothering me!If i wanted to do it I would do it!I don't need persuasion mtsewww

NaijaBabe said...

How could I have forgotten about that stupid scene. I was going to blog about it!
So that scene...in the ghetto..ok, no shame in that BUT PICKING DIAMONDS. What the hell? We dont do Diamonds in Lagos, let alone the whole of Nigeria.

FOOLISH PEOPLE!

You dont drink??? OMG! LOL, sorry I just had to join them. I dont as well and I get the same from my mates. OMG how did you survive uni? why? how? And I'm like its for a lot of reasons...though religion is inclusive, its also cos, I think I am hyper in a very introverted way (weird I know, but shush), so I really dont know what I'd be like if I was drunk.