a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Revelations of little insanities part 4

15:12 Posted by Sir Scribbles 19 comments
Mehn una no even look 4 me oh! Your boy Scribbles has been AWOL for 48hours+ nd una no organise search party, what if I was kidnapped ehn? Una no go even halla...Una fall my hand!!! lol

Yeah baby! Summer is around the corner..abi e don land sef me no know sef wiv dis friggin country. Your boy is officially rocking the shorts this season, I'm only wearing shorts nd T-shirts cos wen winter come like dis all man go hold en coat nd sweater lol. Commuters like myself are having an eyeful I tell you, the young and lovely ladies of london are rocking the bum shorts and boob tubes making things even hotter wiv dis scorcher of a weather...am I complaining? Hell No!! So where's the insanity u ask?....it's in the minds of the 40+ 50+ and 60+ women who have decided to mess up a young man's day. There's nothin more irritating than a chunk of 40+ Cellulite sticking out of a Bum short, or the war torn boobs of a 50+ attempting to relive it's glory days as a plump lump! I was just standing on my own at the bus stop oh, dey jam "MC Hammer" on my ipod wen I see dis 50+ Mama coming 4rm yonder, I just felt molested by this woman, like she entered my head nd screwed wiv my brain, it was just wrong I tell you. She wore one of those light fabric tops...wivout a bra...see as dis woman retired nips' dey point out like sey na antenna wey dey try catch FM radio. I felt like taking off my shirt nd giving it to her so she'd stop embarrasing all of us...c'mon there're lil kids here u know! Then another Mama passed by, she had to be 47 at the least and this one was even worse, it was so obvious that it took her more than a few minutes to fit into those shorts, it looked like she was suffocating her butt, you cud see nyashidue spilling out of the top of the shorts... and she was now strutting all over the place showing everyone how slutty an old woman can look. I just think it's wrong 4 Mamas to dress like hookers on the streets. It's aiight to show skin I'm not complaining, but when the ratio of skin to dignity is 10:1 I suggest u just stay indoors....read a book or something, hell u can read it naked for all I care...just keep the explicitness under ur roof.

I've noticed that Airplanes can't seem to land on runways anymore? it's like they take one look at a runway and immediately decide to crash into someones house. You'll be having breakfast in the morning and then you look out the window and see a tail wing sticking out of ur neighbours attic. It's a morbid aftermath yes, but it seems like Camel travel is even safer than air travel these days. On top of that, the whole of London is friggin paranoid! If you live in the UK, especially London, you'll notice that pple don't talk to each other on d street except it's someone you know. You'll be on the high street nd see multitudes of pple simply walking past each other like zombies. Do u blame them? No! Cos in my book, if ur on the street and I don't know you then you are a potential serial killer. I swear some pple stop me for directions and I make a fist behind my back just in case the Shit hits the fan! If you step on someone you have to apologise withing 5 seconds or risked a peforated torso. If you are thinking of cutting in line at a store then you shud also be thinking of whether you prefer cremation or open casket. A pastor in the states told his congregation to start bringing guns to church, some say it's sacrilege, I say it's self preservation...it's no longer a congregation if all the members are dead now is it? Kidnapping is a business in Naija now cos some pple have decided that seizing you like an illegal import nd demanding absurd amounts of money in exchange for your freedom is an entrepreneural gold mine. What in blazes is happening abeg....Man can not turn on d TV nd hear gud news ehn! Wahala here nd Wahala there...Me sef don tire I swear...I don tire 4 all dis madness!!!

19 comments:

yinkuslolo said...

i was actually like robby scribbles is mia oh,until i saw ur comment after me like an hr ago

yinkuslolo said...

like for reals, u will be the to come up with a funny clause like 'suffocating the butt.'

as for serial killing, i dont watch tv again. if it is not about the recession, it is some random homicide. i don tire oh but if u ask me for directions, i will still direct u except i am in naija lol

UnderCover07 said...

Finally sumthng funny to brighten ma day...lol

I hurd 'bout d kidnappin in 9ja o...it's sad man. I wish they'd used the initiative and smart thinking for a gud cause instead.

Lol @ retired nips; look in a diff direction Scribbs.

Lady X said...

Scribbles Scribbles...You wont kill me...LOL

Lolia said...

LOL!

Search party? Anyway you're way better than those of us who will miss for ten days at a time :)

Please how did you just pick 47 to be that woman's age? How do 47 yr olds look?
I feel you though...I was even telling one of my friends the other day "So you mean when we're old we can't wear shorts...So in the heat we'll be wearing jeans and such? That's just sad..."

You're in London? I'm going to be in London next semester, I'm doing an exchange thingy...Hmmm that's odd...I don't even know where I thought you were...

Meanwhile I'm going to stop watching tv [okay well except Koko Mansion} lol...It just makes me sad :(

I haven't been here in a while though...How now?

x

Rene said...

me i missed you o! don't restrict my crack again...jks....but seriously now, I kept droping by like everyday because u were MIA. I even thought maybe my dashboard broke down....lol.
I tire for this people that would look at something and say "Oh! I like, I'll wear" and forget to look at the mirror. wait! how sure are you that she's 47, huh? Oya answer me!
My sister even called and complained about the weather, you should be happy cuz ere itz been raining for like 3 days or more...i guess.
I don't even watch TV. Canada's own isn't that bad, you'll even see random people just pick up convo's for no reason.

Tay-mee said...

Lol..pele I can only imagine what its like for a young man like you to see it, as it bloody well stings my eyes!! Like really ma'am if you are a size large, do not attempt to fit into a small..sheesh.

As for the air plane crashes, dude I simply dont get it anymore. I am now every superstitious when it comes to flying. I also dont talk to people at the airport, before they come and say I weas the last person some terrorist was seen talking to.

Naija bad boi.... said...

lol...guy ur hilarious...btw, u seem ti be leavin out d fact dat ur also causing havoc with ur ugly scarecrow legs *hehe*...
as for d old women...welll...wetin ur eyes dey do there? dem no get fine gurls around? huh? huh? nonsense... u saw wat u wanted to see joo..u pervert!! lol

BBB said...

Lol at d old mamas with their cellulite

P'sy-A-wana said...

scribs u be my guy, but naija bad boi is rite...sides who go wan kidnap u, everybody knows ur parents av been trying to give u away since u culd scream lol...seriously cellulite and bum shorts dont mix i'll send u a pic 4rm camp see sexy legs , and fresh thighs, coffee brown skin mixed in with rich cocoa, and then one woman just spoilt it mscheew u go use fotoshop comot am abeg p.s gwen was in my camp mwahaha....

Maiya said...

Lol...nyashidue...SICK...

Never fear I have a solution...Don't watch news! Trust me it works.

But Sir Scribbles, E be like sey you no fit commot your eye from that madness because your description is terribly graphic...

CultureCynic said...

AHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA srry couldnt be bothered to even miss you, had more important things to do than to miss your big head....but i hear you, i hate summer for the simple reason of mental rape i suffer at the hands of women. if your gut sits farther out than your bum, it is time to quit it and wear a fucking dress. i dont even care about the old women, it is the young people that kill me. lik i get that it is HOT outside, but DAMN hotness no be by force o. Booty shorts are not made for everyone...so dont force it.

it is bad enuff i have to deal with mishappen women in spndex freakem dress in the club, they alo follow me everywhere i go. notice how it is always the ones who have no bizness doing something that attempts to take it to the next level. mchewwwwwwww.

and about the plane thing, the rails too are on some other shit, like we can't get from point A to point B again...me too sef i tire for the news sef, sometimes i go days without even turning on the tellie, the media have gotten lazy as fuck, there is always some random bad news brewing, politicians can't keep their dick in their trousers, celebrities are dropping like roches, pilots are taking random detours and landing on water,i cannot even shout. i am looking into moving to Saturn if these humans dont get their shit sorted!

Brokeass said...

ha ha!
Who tell u say we no look for u biko?
U no see d lost and found on ya tv wey I put up?
loool!

LMAO@ screwin with ur brain.
U r sth else i swear..

Tinu said...

i think its even worse in canada, 17 degrees and theyve started driving around topless!!!yuk!!
the news these days is quite depressing, nuclear war, death everyday, riots ki lo de?

Miss Natural said...

I got it :) you're nt serious. I was just smiling hahahahah. How can they kidnap you, when i'm so awesome :)
You're crazy lol...so these are all the things ur eyes catch huh :) better close ur eyes next time. but yeah i agree that's sooo disgusting, 'retired nips' lmao.
I also agree about the planes, anytime I hear a plane flying by i'm just thinking this thing better not crash on me. All those innocent pple that a plane fell on ko. p.s such a pity... :(

leggy said...

lol...i don stop watching news sef...this world just tire me...plane just dey crash anyhow..war just det fight..lol.

Peaches said...

yessss lol summer is here...london is a beautiful place in the summer...this is a real funny post...made me laugh so much

NaijaBabe said...

OMG this had me in stitches...Oh dear father lord!!!!!
"nyashidue...residue of a once existing buttocks.

I'm glued

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