a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Thursday, 4 June 2009

Robby Scribbles' A series of Unfortunate events....

04:16 Posted by Sir Scribbles , 12 comments
LOL! You guyz read my post about the way my Mumsy use to handle disciplinary issues and made me feel like I was the only one in Naija gettin' an ol' skool igbo whooping 4rm my mum! So y'all indirectly called my mum Hitler right? no wahala! I'm here to justify the numerous occasions when my mum had to go Kung fu on my hide. I'd just like you guys to know that as a kid I was a handful and there were only two things my parents could use to control me, Television and Utali (Igbo for cane), I wasn't stubborn or headstrong, I was just very unpredictable, "inquisitive" and "adventurous". My Aunts use to tell my parents that if I we were coming to visit them and I was coming along they'd like a week's notice so that they can pack up all the breakable things in their sitting room. I was so innocently mischieveous and leaving me to own devices was never a good idea..these are some of the things I did that left my parents, especially my mum, wiv no other choice than to start a graffiti session on my ass!

WAAAAAAIIIIIT!!! before u jump into my flashbacks I'd just like to say that some of these stories cannot be verified coz my parents tell them to me now that I'm older and I can't believe I did such things wen I was a kid lol...cos some aren't that believable

This was the period when Super Mario was more popular than anything on the planet, My dad had just bought us a Super Nintendo and My lil bro and I didn't pay attention to anything else except that! We use to play it all day and after a while we wanted to start playing it all night as well so at around 12am wen everyone was in bed I and my bro wud sneak out to the parlour, turn off all d lights and he'd be on remote control duty which involved turning the TV off wen we heard noises 4rm the bedrooms, I was on control pad duty which was bascially getting Mario from one stage to the next lol. One night my Lil' bro was off duty and it was just me in the sitting room wen I heard the bedroom door open, I was so shocked that instead of turning of the TV and rushing off to my room I simply turned it off and pretended to be sleeping on the parlour floor...not very ingenious right? especially since the control pad was beside me and the console was still on...That spot where I was pretending to be asleep on was where she dealt wiv me...and seized the Super Nintendo for a whole month....nearly drove us mad lol!

She'd just bought three packs of Rice Krispies and it was one of those ones where a lil' prize was hidden inside the pack. The next day she opened one pack and I ransacked the pack for the Prize, when she went out I decided to ransack the other unopened packs for the prizes as well so I took the unopened packs and shook them until I cud see the prize inside, then I took a razor blade, tore the pack and removed the prize. If I remember correctly the prizes were Godzilla toys. So I'd just torn two packs of Rice Krispies wen the first pack wasn't even finished yet...How did she find out? How else wud she find it, she notied that the kitchen floor was littered wiv grains of rice krispies! I denied it as usual but my mum is not as inquisitive as my dad..she beats first and asks questions later!

This one I remember well cos it was the first sign that I was science inclined even though it was lil or no association wiv my current aspirations lol. I use to go to the bathroom wiv a big bowl and I'd be pretending to carry out experiments there, my chemicals were my Dad's shaving powder, his hair cream, my mum's conditioner, detergent..anything that can be found in a bathroom I'd throw it into the bowl! then I'd cook it on the stove and hide it in the kitchen store so I cud continue the next day. I think it started smelling and wen my mum finally found the lil bowl tucked away under the basket of potatoes she didn't even investigate to find out who did it, she just went outside and cut branches from our cashew tree and told me to Hold somethin lol

This one is a story my Dad told me but I still don't believe it cos they didn't give me evidence that was concrete enuf. I have a lil scar on my forhead, it's so neglible that until I started typing this post I actually forgot I had it, it's quite small now but my Dad said wen I was a kid it was bigger cos one day I stood infront of the mirror in the bedroom staring at my reflection...then I asked the mirror if he was looking at me...then I broke it wiv my leg...I don't believe him jo! He said he was in the parlour and he heard a crashing sound in the bedroom, when he walked in he saw me standing in fornt of the mirrors frame wiv glass all around me, funny enuf he didn't beat me oh, he just handed me over to my mum!

She knew I liked to draw and wen my Dad bought our first PC I use to run mad wiv paint! I'd draw on paint and then print the stuff I'd drawn! The house was full wiv sheets of A4 paper wiv sketches of superman and power rangers. She banned us from using the printer cos the ink was expensive and I was just using it for nonsense. As usual I no dey hear word and I swore my brother and sister to secrecy cos back then they were too lil to resist blackmail, not like now that everyone has dirt on the other sibling, if you threaten anyone of them now u get threatened right back lol. I used the printer despite the ban and one day came back from work and I don't know if she had hidden cameras in the house or it was one of those her psychic moments but she just spontaneously asked who had been using the printer. No one answered her, then she took my lil bro into the bedroom and after a few touchy touchy wiv the Koboko the dude started singin like a bird...Mehn I can still picture that beating right now...she locked both of us in the room so I cudn't run...wen she opened the door I was a changed boy lol

This was one of the only two occasions wen my Dad beat me and it was cos of the reason I said in th earlier post, I lied to him. I had been playing in the bedrrom and had broken a very expensive boottle of cologne. In an effort to cover up my crime I opened the windows, switched on the fan and Air conditioner, scrub the floor, packed up the pieces of the broken bottle and sprayed Air Freshener and Shelltox in the room to mask the scent. I thot I'd covered up my tracks well enuf but Oga came back 4rm work and didn't even take three steps into the room before knowing something was wrong. He asked wat happened, I lied, he asked again, I lied, he stepped on a piece of glass...I got a whooping!

There are so many that I cud keep typing for ages. This last one was a very funny one. We had dis uncle who visited us very often and anytime he was leaving he'd give the kids in the house some money. I always liked wen he visited cos it meant by the end of his visit I'd have money for Chocomilo lol (those lil cubes were addictive mehn!). One day he came to visit and I was excited as usual, then we he was leaving he didn't even say goodbye to me and when he was about to get into his car what did I do...I ran out and said "Uncle! won't you give us money?"....MEEEEHNNN! the look my mumsy gave me ehn!!!...that night I chop am well well, she used koboko, shoe, cane...I didn't actually understand why I was being punished cos I thot the Dude had started a tradition and may have just forgotten to observe it that day...After that day anyone who visited th house wud harldy see me cos I'd run to the room, they thot I was shy...didn't know it was a survival technique!


12 comments:

BBB said...

HILARIOUS CHILDHOOD U HAD
i was probably worse, i grewnup giving my parents serious hedaache.....

and yes

FIRSTTT

Miss Natural said...

Can't type hilarious enough! u crack me up and you were really one inquisitive and troublesome child, kinda like my youngest brother. Funny enuf he's matured now and so have you :)

naija shawty said...

well, sir. that some eventful childhood rite thur. yo! i began to dislike visitiors who didnt give me money when they were leaving. my mumcee wasnt a koboko person, even when she tried i wud run round the house. well, she cudnt keep with my tiny sturdy sprinty legs lol

Phoenix said...

LMAO!!!! wat a child you were!!!
You should write a book and call it.
Adventures of Robbby Scribbles.

P'sy-A-wana said...

if he writes a book it'll just teach kids how to misbehave and get away wiv it kinda like how we'd read all those comcs and think we were superman but ibo boy y u just like dey chop beating na y i don beat u 4 pro and u dey come back 4 more lol

leggy said...

OMG, wnt he give u money???seriously?na wa oh,my mum would have killed u ohh. nice whooping memories.

juiceegal said...

LWKM and this time truly laugh wan kill me.
Chai wt kind of child were u???
U were simply something else,i'm sure u became immune to the beatin at some point sef.
See ur mouth like uncle wnt u give us money.....gosh i cn imagine the kind of eye my mum wld use 2 look at me if it was me.

G-FUNC said...

man you've cracked me up

see as you dey misbehave when you small!

Good thing you were twacked real good cos we might not have had these hillarious tales to burst our lungs to

lol

sweetness said...

rotflmao
uncle wont u give us money?
lol b4 i read da nxt line i knew u received sweet koboko naija style 4 dat
chocomilo... good old days

Rene said...

naughty boy!!!
i love chocomilo...

Dark Neo said...

Definitely justified you mumsy and the three tongues of censure! In fact with these few stories You have justified any ass-whooping you've ever been handed!

Chi-Chi said...

scribbless!!! pardon me 4 being away from your blog.
mehn, skul! Hiss.
i swear after reading all your wahala on this post, i got a headache ah ah.
You were so naughty argh lol
I LOVED MARIO as well.
I think i finished all d levels or maybe it was ma bro lol.