a week in my mind and you won't want to go home...

Thursday, 11 June 2009

It's a true story you will learn nothing 4rm...

13:56 Posted by Sir Scribbles , , 13 comments
Mehn this prospective job of mine is just pinching me small small, I know I haven't given y'all the full details but I don't want to jinx it. Apparently, they say I'm a lil bit too qualified for the role I'm applying for so they want me to do a lil' extra training for another role...more like a supervisory role..abeg make una help me oh! I was just looking for a part-time job while I work on my two part-14000 word essay for my PgD. Well I guess it's a good thing sha, I'm going for a medical test for the role today though...wiv d way things are going I will have a story to tell wen I get back lol

I was in a store a few weeks back, I was just walking round the store wiv my earphones in my ears eyeing stuff I cudn't afford wen I heard someone shouting. I turn around and there's this black guy at the counter screaming at a shop assistant. I cudn't hear what he was saying so I took my earphones out of my ears and as the music slowly faded from my hearing it was replaced by this black guyz nonsensical batter at the shop assistant. From what I cud gather, the shop assiatnet had seen this guy wiv a couple of clothes in his back and asked if Oga had paid for them. Oga claimed he had come into the store wiv dem and insisted on verbally abusing the assistant as well. The first thing I normally do is to try and figure out where d dude was 4rm, it's a habit of mine to always ananlyse black pple to find out if they are 4rm naija and I don't know why I do it. Anyway, I'm trying to analyse this Dude and he's swithcing between so many accents that I can't keep up, he starts out wiv the typically english accent, then in the middle of the threats he's throwing at the assistant I hear a hint of naija, then he goes American on us and starts throwing profanities everywhere...I swear I think I heard him use the Tony Montana accent as well lol. Now it was just getting out of hand and oga was just being very stupid. He threated to kill d shop assistant, said he'd put his name on the list and he'd be down before sundown...in my mind i was just angry, abeg d man shud go and sleep, why is he threatening to kill a shop assistant jo, abi u will organise a mini drive-by for the d poor dude. The guy was just trying to do his job and you are forming gangster, there's a group of 16 year olds outisde wiv hoodies on and knives in their pockets, you won't go and threaten them oh! It's the guy who gets minimum wage for listening to your sorry black ass attach invisible and improbable props to ur ego by senselessly attacking a shop assistant that you are forming Scarface for! I was actually expecting the guy to say "You wanna play rough? okay we play rough! Say 'ello to my lil friend!!!" (I love dat movie lol). Anyway I notice we are the only two black pple in the store, pple will start thinking me and this lunatic came together, like we are related...like he's my dad...I jejely walk out of the store lol. As I'm walking out I turn back and I see the guy paying for the stuff he bought, he just vexes and throws cash at the cashier and storms out...I hate wen pple misbehave in public...especially black pple...especially Nigerians...it just pisses me off!

So I was at customs at the international Airport in Naija, I'm wiv my sis and as usual she just stands there and waits for me to do everything for her. We've gone through the luggage scanning thingy and now customs wants to check our luggage. I know d way these pple operate and I was guessing since we're young common sense wud prevail and we'd be given minimum hassle...NOT!! The first bag the dude tells us to open is the one dat just falls my hand in public...I open the bag and it's filled wiv Indomie...Yes! Indomie...enuf Indomie to use as relief in Sudan. I wasn't going to leave Naija wivout Indomie, dats like driving wivout tires! The men just laugh like I crack a hilarious instant noodle joke, my sis acts like she's travelling wiv someone else. The second bag is even worse...YAMS! Sue me jo I like to keep it naija even away 4rm naija. Now it's like i'm a walking Sitcom, my sis has cleverly distanced herself from all d luggage now and it's like na only me get the four suitcases. The dude says he's seen enuf and now the real inspection begins...he wants money for a drink...Oh bloody hell can't he see we r just students, he says since we are going to skool we shud give him a goodbye present...I don't even remember saying hello! Anyway, I'm not touching the cash in my pocket whether na naira or pounds. I tell d guy that my younger brother is on his way wiv my dad and he'll be travelling wiv us, I tell the guy to be patient and wen we finish we'll sort him out...MUGU! You go wait die!! While we're checking in the women tells me one bag is a bit overweight, there' another which we can still put things in so I tell my sis to remove some stuff 4rm the overweight bag and stuff in the other while I weigh the rest, I continue what I'm doing and turn back after a few seconds to see my sis pullin out my boxers and dropping them on the floor...for the love of everything sacred why of all d things in the suitcase wud she decide to turn the airport into a museum of national underwear...pple who are going to France, Italy, Turkey and London have seen my underwear now...I'm violated on an international Level...as if the indomie and Yam weren't enuf. We're done wiv immigration and customs and as we're headin to the waiting room one guy like dat stops me and asks me to buy him a shoe...nearly sent my own shoe up his ass...shameless pple! There's another search before we board the plane, take off your shoes and belts, laptops in a bowl nd all dat...I wore baggy pants...do u know wat happens wen u take off ur belt while wearing baggy pants?...Yes! they drop, at least mine didn't drop sha but I was lucky, I held them wiv one hand and gathered my phone, keys and belt after going thru the metal detector...Naija Airport is an experience on it's own u know, I swear pple were asking me for money until it was time to board...even the chick at the newspaper stand sef...Madness!

On a totally different note I'd just like to say that I think Ron Brownz wivout Autotune is like a a Sim card wivout a phone...useless! I can't begin to elaborate how talentless I think that dude is, I see him as a older version of soulja boy!


13 comments:

Naija bad boi.... said...

loooooooooooool...robby..u've really outdone urself o....so ur one of them that carrry evrythin out abi??? indomie, yam, garri..dem tell you say food no dey for london??? hmmn....na wa o...

oh by the way, i fink am d first sef...oops...

BBB said...

hahahahaha.........

d guy wants to put his name down on the list......

u really know how to make my day


box full of indomie...
box full of yam
dat reminds me of one naija movie.....
hahahaha


the guy said u should buy him shoe
ehen u look like maga to him now..lol

P.S forgive my random commenting its becoming a habit

yinkuslolo said...

hahah, u make me laff. whenever a fam memebr of mine travel out of naija, one bag is dedicated to unbannanble foodstuffs, for shizle! i dont blame u abt the indomie stuff, but i think we, nigerians are just sentimental. in jand and yankee, i know they are better noodles.

Adaeze said...

lol!

u best stop wearing baggy pants whenever ur travelling then...
man they really give trouble now in the airports don't they..have 2 remove freaking everything!

CultureCynic said...

LMAOOOOOOOOO....


why do Nigerians always do that in public...shameless man....after all that abuse of spit he still ended of paying.....ole!


nna mehn, u r a hungry sombody o. Yam kwa...even my mumsy sef we dey carry 20 luggages come back no even try that one....tublers of YAm....i will laff die seein that stuffed in a luggage.LOL. i used to send for Indomie, until i found a place that sold it....HAHAHAHA i still cannot belive u carried yam pass security...

hissing at all the ole's at the airport....those people make me weak sef, o nani shoe, socks nko....mchewwwwwwwww.

ur posts always make me laff sha, keep em coming dia, :D

p.s biko what is this i hear about baggy somthing....my friend berra stop it!

leggy said...

ah ah y r u dissing soulja boy like that?i like him...lol

Tay-mee said...

LMAO..YAM??..are you freaking kdding me, go and be eating potato in jand jo..ahan..lol

Somone asked you to buy shoe..as in are you serious. I would have given the idiot lecture of his life..what rubbish. None of them even bother asking me for anything cos once I get to the airport I put my 'bone' face on, cos really a nigga coming to ask me to buy him shoes??..WOW

and Ron Brown and Soulja boy,my thoughts exactly.

juiceegal said...

Naija bad boi: This is ur 2nd warnin.....lol
Yam 2 jand again??? nawa for u o........lol
I love ur sister mehn....dats wt i wld have done too, ahn ahn fresh chic like me..i wld have denied u die..lol

Naija bad boi.... said...

juiceegal...was keeping the space for you naw...are u ready to fill it now? lemme step down...so u'll free too abi? na wa o....

Sir Scribbles II said...

@Naija bad boi: Shey u no dey hear word...amke juiceegal or Leggy catch you 4 there lol...Omo free me jo, shey na burger nad chips u wan make I dey chop

@BBB: Omo I tire 4 d guy oo! Thanks my dear Una be my fam u know lol. Oo free me and my yam jo..dat's not all I carried sef

@yinkuslolo: Omo no better noodles than Indomie noodles oh! Dat's one of the only things that can get me

@Adaeze: Funny enuf I've noticed I always wear baggy trousers wen I travel..it's a weird coincidence One day pple will have to strip to the butt crack beforee they get on a plane mscheeew

@Culture cynic: Omo free me oh! Is it cos I didn't list everything I carried, we are talking Yam, garri, beans, crayfish, dry fish, palm oil...do I go on..no try me ooo!...I don't blame you if you can't keep up, sometimes I can't even keep up myself lol...drop a broda d email nd I'll do my best to inform you of my randomness lol

@Leggy: Wat's good for the goose the run d bele of the guniea fowl nd solja boy is my diarrhoea so I'm sorry lol..I love T.I sha

@Taymee: Omo leave it, don't touch it lol...Yam is just the tip of the iceberg...Igbo cannot survive on pizza and kebab alone u know. Omo Airport pple no dey hear word oh! The worse is wen u don't have connections and don't know anyone...they go use ur life play ehn!

@juiceegal: Omo I warned him oo! na JJC so free am lol. Omo my sis dey do dat thing die...she can like to deny u wen u misbehave in public ehn lol. Yam is just small, Remember I had four suitcases...do the maths lol

Naija bad boi.... said...

meanwhile...scribbles...u have exposed me oooo...ppl av bn accusing me all day o....why naw?...

Rene said...

was just me that noticed that your sister turned the airport to a museum of Sir Scribbles II boxers...lol
i understand indomie but yam...haba! and i wonder what was in the other two boxes...hmmm...
seems av b lacking on being first here so Sir S II, before u finish any post your last line should be 'first reserved for Rene'
when I see black people I'm always so quick to try and see if they are from Nigeria
my head is spinning so i might finish my comment later

Miss Natural said...

wow!!!! so u packed yam? Indomie is even allowed though I hate that food....YAM lol...then your boxers fell out in public.lol lol...if I was ur sister I'd have been at the other side of the airport lol.
That guy sounds crazy...I know its really embarrassing when you see people acting stupidly and immaturely for no discernible reason.